Everything about the ruling has me upset. I hate myself because after literally crying about it, I looked at my infant son and thought "thank god you are a boy", which is fucked up on so many levels and I am a terrible person for ever thinking that :/

I went to the package store (because mommy needs wine) and I was overwhelmed by the hatred I felt towards all of the men in the store. I wanted to start screaming at them, "WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH? ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING LUCKY YOU ARE? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FUCKERS GET TO BE FULL CITIZENS AND WOMEN GET SHIT ON, DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE?"

And I can't even say that's irrational because when your government gives the green light to corporations to discriminate against women or anyone with a vagina, isn't rage and anger justified? Isn't it normal to be resentful of people in the group that has the power?

I am just so angry, and afraid. I'm afraid this is just the beginning. Being new to mommyhood has opened my eyes to how fucked up and misogynistic our society is in America. We're expected to happily martyr ourselves for our children- leave the work force, breastfeed or else (but do it in private like a leper because your breasts are naughty and sexy!), lose that baby weight and fuck your husband or risk losing him, never need time or space to be a person outside of "mama" , engage unquestioningly in racist "Noble savage" classist bullshit parenting practices. The list goes on. The war on women is alive and well and motherhood is one of the very front lines, and it's a Cold War. I see this type of ruling for what it is, same with denying and cutting access to abortions, not giving comprehensive sex ed, defunding Planned Parenthood. They want us to have children when we aren't prepared and they want us to be so saddled with our attempts to be perfect mothers or else the guilt when we inevitably fail that we are too tired, too distracted to notice as they erode every hard fought right we've won.

The year is 2014 and this is the world I live in? Fuck you, USA! Fuck you and every single person that props up this shitty, unjust culture the rest of us have to survive in! Fuck you for using Jesus as a scapegoat to defend your hatred of anything that is not "man".

I needed to get that out :/ I want to disclaim that I fully support other parents choices to parent "naturally", I just think mommy culture in general is a toxic, oppressive mess.