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Third Wave Feminism Can Bite Me (self.offmychest)

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[–]tovasshi 147 ポイント148 ポイント

I don't get this. I've never seen a woman yell at a man for holding the door open. I don't see these radical feminists outside of the internet.

I do know rape culture is a thing. I've experienced it first hand. It definitely isn't a myth. In basic training I had a guy tell me he was going to rape me as he was grabbing my ass. It was caught on camera. Several people, including many of my supervisors, tried to convince me not to report it because it would "ruin his career" and he was "such a great guy" don't hurt him with such a "strong accusation". No one gave a shit about the fact that he was caught on camera grabbing me and telling me his was going to rape me. He was kicked out of the military a month later for getting into a bar fight.

I knew of another instance of a guy winning his appeal because the investigators "had his back" and win because the initial paperwork wasn't filled out properly. While he was waiting for his appeal, two more women came forward.

When you're coworkers rant about how men can't be raped because it's considered a good thing if a woman forces you to fuck them, that's rape culture.

Accusing people of lying or trying to convince them to back down is rape culture.

I can't wrap my head around how anyone can deny it exists.

[–]Potatoe292 21 ポイント22 ポイント

I (male) was opening the door at a movie theatre once for my male friend. There was a woman right behind him so I kept it open for her as well. She walked through the door, turns around and says "I can open my own door!" I felt appalled.
Also, this was back when I was around 13 years old and the woman was probably 25 ish.

[–]tovasshi 38 ポイント39 ポイント

Assholes exist in all shapes and sizes.

[–]MaliciousLeviathan 7 ポイント8 ポイント

You bring up a good point that really pisses me off.

The rest of the comment thread has been downvoted for saying that your experiences were not due to ¨rape culture¨ but rather because of ¨assholes¨

Now when something happens to potatoe292 the cause was not ¨x culture¨ but ¨assholes¨ and the vote count supports your claims very well.

Why?

[–]tovasshi 24 ポイント25 ポイント

Because rape culture exists, but everyone is denying it exists.

There is no name for the culture or event that happened to potatoe292, but no one denied that it happens. That was one person who was an asshole to him. In rape culture, it's multiple people, not one, in a single situation that leads to it being called "rape culture".

One person was being rude to him for being nice.

Multiple people try to shut down rape victims from speaking up.

Big difference.

[–]MaliciousLeviathan 4 ポイント5 ポイント

Okay, now I realize what´s been bothering during this entire comment chain me and I hope you won´t be offended or find it ridiculous for asking this question.

Do you feel that only women suffer from the consequences of rape culture?

[–]Rein3 11 ポイント12 ポイント

Male here:

No, we all suffer the effects. Not in the same way, some men will behave in what they think it's an acceptable manner, when they are sexually harassing someone. This can get them fire, or in jail. Of curse they are guilty and deserve the punishment, but they'll learn I a horrible way, not in a empathic/social way.

[–]everybell 8 ポイント9 ポイント

I'm a woman, but I don't think only women suffer. Rape culture results in implications that men are sex-crazed fools, that all men really want is sex and they don't give a shit about the women in their lives, it makes it doubly hard for a man to report a rape, and overall it silences and stifles conversation on the topic because it's rife with pitfalls and accusations about gender and identity.

[–]Mousejunkie 2 ポイント3 ポイント

I'm not OC, I just stumbled upon this, but I absolutely believe men suffer from the consequences as well. Men can be sexually assaulted. And I think if rape were taken more seriously in general (in many ways), then it would be easier for men to speak up when something like that happened to them. BOTH sexes would be able to talk about their experiences without being made fun of or accused of taking things "too seriously."

[–]tossin 0 ポイント1 ポイント

This is why you should never open the door for anyone.

But seriously, 50% of the time there's some awkwardness, because if there's just a little too much distance between the two of you, you're basically rushing the other person, an inconvenience that may outweigh the inconvenience of having to simply open the door (esp. since holding the door is an additional inconvenience to yourself). Or if someone holds the door for you, you have to rush or risk looking like an asshole.

[–]everybell 1 ポイント2 ポイント

What if you're just barely far enough ahead of them that a big push on the door will only make it open long enough that it slams in their face as soon as they get to the door? It's a little too far but not far enough either, so awkward.

[–]tossin 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Hm...my suggestion is to open the door just slightly enough so that you can squeeze though and so that the door will simply gently close in the face of the person behind you.

[–]Dwychwder 0 ポイント1 ポイント

That's why you should always have a "fuck off, then" chambered for emergencies.

[–]Life_of_Uncertainty 5 ポイント6 ポイント

The women who get pissed off because someone is holding a door open for them certainly aren't common, but it happened to me last year. I was walking to class and, like I would for literally anyone else, I opened the door, and held it open so that the woman behind me could walk through. I thought it was just a nice gesture. I was always taught to do it for anyone, regardless of age, sex, whatever. But then she called me an asshole and told me that I was "white knighting" and that she could do it herself and some other BS, and went out of her way to go through another door ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING BUILDING.

Like I said, I don't think it's common, but when it does happen it's really aggravating.

[–]everybell 0 ポイント1 ポイント

I've been pissed off by a guy holding the door open for me before, but only once. It was at the bank, and the entrance has a set of double doors, a little room with the ATM, and then a second set of double doors that led into the bank. I was walking up behind 2 men, and the first opened the door and held it for the second man, then continued to hold it for me, trying to wave me through. Except there was someone else trying to use the ATM, and a third person trying to exit the bank, so there was no room for this dude standing there trying to be the super nicest guy in the world. And he wouldn't give it up until I tried to wedge myself in through the door too. I didn't say anything to him but "Thanks" but it was definitely frustrating.

[–]my_name_is_the_DUDE 0 ポイント1 ポイント

I am sorry you had to go through that experience but that doesn't mean we have a rape culture that just means some guy was being an asshole and couldn't control himself. Louis C.K. did a skit that kind of relates to this. Its funny but its pretty accurate for the majority of guys. This isn't because of anything in our society men were just made that way, like how they were made stronger then women. The vast majority of the time guys are able to control themselves but every once in a while someone is going to fuck up. India on the other hand like OP said is a rape culture if an attractive woman went out at night alone in Dehli you can expect she will be raped before she comes home.

[–]mrninja1097 -1 ポイント0 ポイント

We don't have a true rape culture but the experience she described is reflective of properties in a true rape culture. However, I don't feel that her experience is the norm ad that in the military officials attempt to protect the thousand of dollars per soldier payed out of tax dollars by attempting to deny inappropriate action.

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    [–]isthisathrwaway 23 ポイント24 ポイント

    I don't see anyone in this thread making the argument that men can't be raped or that non-consensual sex is pleasurable for the man.