This Crooked Crown

You hear about it often enough, don’t you? The curse shaming. That if you curse someone you’re a bad person. That you need to be better than your potential victim and not to stoop to their level.

But, you can. Let’s get this straight, first and foremost: If someone attacks you, you have the right to defend yourself. If that attack is simply gossip or physical violence, you have the right to defend yourself. 

Sometimes we can’t do anything physically. Sometimes we can’t defend ourselves from gossip - we simply aren’t believed, no matter what we say - or you don’t know your attacker’s name. Sometimes the fear of being killed, losing your home, job, friends, or family is so great you physically cannot do anything - that they can see. 

Curses aren’t evil. They’re can be a means of exerting control over a situation that is so out of your hands that you physically can’t do anything. It’s the means of getting back at the police who refuse to investigate or believe your rape. it’s the means of assuring punishment at your rapist. It’s the means to get back at the rape apologists and those who said you were “asking for it” - when both you and I know you weren’t.

And yes, sometimes the curses can seem petty to others. Cursing someone who cut you off in traffic may seem petty - but that person who cut you off could do it again to a school bus and kill everyone. By hexing them so their car gets a flat, you’re releasing your rage and possibly saving lives. And yes, you’re getting revenge too.

Even if all you ever do is curse people - every day, all day, for every slight - that doesn’t make you a bad person. 

1. Will the curse or hex even work? There’s a whole host of reasons why a spell might not work. 
2. You might think the curse is petty but you don’t know the curser’s history - maybe their mother died in a car accident when someone cut her off.
3. You can make all the judgments you want on the curser - you also have to accept that your opinion and judgment doesn’t matter to them.
4. WHY do you care that they curse people. No, shut up about the Rede. WHY do YOU care? 
5. It’s their life, not yours. 

I’m going to give you a personal example. I curse people. I do it about every four or so months, it seems. Sometimes more, sometimes less. I casually curse people about once a week - sometimes more. This might be as simple as me pointing a finger and saying “I hope you get a flat tire.” Does that make me a “bad” person? No because I’m not just a “curser”. I’m a person. I do lots of things. I wash clothing of handicapped children for free. I train my cat for pet therapy and take her to nursing homes and children’s hospitals. I read stories, play games, and put on mini performances on my flute for handicapped and ill children. I answer hundreds of asks. I stop to help people in car accidents - often risking my own safety to do so - and aid injured animals. I babysit and tutor children for free and pick up children and teens who end up in weird places like parties and need a lift home because they’re scared to call their parents.

Does that mean I’m a “good” person? Am I doing all those things just to balance out my “karma” (which, by the way, you’re probably using that word wrong)? No. I’m doing it because I feel like it.

I’m not a “good” person or a “bad” person. I’m a person. I do both “good” and “bad” things. I hurt people and I help people. I’m just simply a person.

I find most curse shamers end up being hypocrites but even if they aren’t, many tend to live in this idea that you have to be either “good” or “bad”. You can’t be both. I like a lot of this stems back to how we rear children - I often see parents tell their children they’re being bad but rarely WHY that child’s behavior is unacceptable. And if it is explained it’s “You just can’t do that!” There’s the implication of social rules - rules enforced by others within the society and not law makers or enforcers - and that you MUST obey them.

You don’t. I suggest the following before accusing someone: WHY is that “rule” so important? Is it for health and safety? Is whatever that person about to do hazardous? Is it misogynistic or contributing to rape culture? Is it considered rude? Why is it considered rude?

While it’s arguable that curses may hurt someone or endanger them most of them do not. Furthermore, you can put limitations on your curses. You can put a limiting clause on it to keep the spell from going wild. 

So what are curse shamers shaming? The fact that another witch dares to be human with both “good” and “bad” characteristics? That another witch is willing to take matters into their own hands and say “No! I’ve had enough!”.

You can make the choice to not curse people. Just like you can make the choice to do so. It’s an option, not a requirement. Stop trying to enforce it as if it is.