Ciscentrism SUCKS!

outforhealth:

Hey asker! Wanting to use the pronouns you’re most comfortable with isn’t “wrong,” ever, regardless of how you identify. (There’s really no way to do personal identity “wrong,” unless you identify as “person who stabs pedestrians” or something.)

So long as she/her pronouns work for you — affirm you, feel correct when directed at you, maybe turn you on a little, who knows — then that’s great. If those seem to conflict with your male gender presentation or identity, that’s also totally fine. You don’t owe anyone congruity. Use what words are right for you. 

Two additional notes:

1. You are allowed to change your mind. If she/her works for you right now and doesn’t next month, next year, or twenty years in the future, that’s cool! Change ‘em! Words like pronouns are too commonly used to exist as daily thorns in your side. If you don’t like the ones people are using for you, change ‘em. Yes, even if you’ve changed them before. There’s no limit or quota to the alterations you can make to be most comfortable in who you are and how others refer to you.

2. Make sure you’re using the pronouns that work best for you, not best for~~the world~~. Presenting and/or identifying as a guy and using she/her pronouns is totally valid, and totally awesome. If that works for you and that’s the end of your inquiry, then read no further.

I don’t know any more about your identity than you’ve offered, but I do know the feeling of identifying as something besides what I was assigned at birth. The internal process of sorting out you gender identity with yourself can move at a very different rate than the external process of sorting out your gender identity with other people. 

Changing pronouns can be a big, scary external step, and can be one of the first actions gender non-conforming people take that identifies them as GNC to those who know them. It’s a big ol’ gender-y red flag. Which is enough for some people to not change their pronouns — not being ready to out themselves like that. Which is also completely valid. (Obviously, personal survival is priority #1.) It’s important to be mindful of why you’re opting for the pronouns you’re using — because you’re used to them, because that’s how people know you, because nothing-quite-fits-but-these-are-closest, because they fit like a glove, because fuck it I’m gonna spin the wheel-o-pronouns and go with whatever comes up first, et cetera. That knowledge may or may not influence your decision on which words to self-ascribe, but is at least useful to have for yourself. 

And again, no configuration of pronoun-to-identity is “wrong.” You do you, friend.