2:51pm June 16, 2014

Repost #YesAllAutisticPeople

I just want to clarify a few things to with the post I made yesterday.

First of all, it was in response to a post from last night that read to the affect “Even if she doesn’t say no or resist, you should know that she doesn’t want to have sex from her body language.” This, to me, as an autistic person, read as ableist. It went on to say that “she may not say no for fear of chastisement being called a prude or a stuck up bitch.”

Given this if-then scenario, then things get wonky and dangerous for all parties. I do not insinuate that being called “a rapist” is worse than being raped. I was saying that, given the difference between being called a prude (not exactly the worst, or even a punishable offense), and unknowingly BECOMING a rapist, the latter is more severe and is a label that lasts a lifetime, just as I’m sure being raped is worse than being called a name.

I know that what I read is supposed to negate a rapists argument that her “body language said yes when she said no.” However, it was still said the way that it was said, stating “even if she didn’t say no,” and as it is, standing on its own, the statement is ableist, and expects people to be able to read body language.

If you know that you are autistic, asking for verbal confirmation of consent (as I do) is fairly necessary. But some people don’t know. If we implement the thought that “he should have known from her body language alone, despite whatever was said” as a policy on an undiagnosed, completely unaware autie, we’ve landed in extremely dangerous territory for all parties.

If, however, we taught explicit verbal consent as the norm, as the “manly” or considerate thing to do as asking. As the initiate rather than the initiator, consent could also be given before even being asked.

The United States has a star studded commercial saying that we should teach young men not to rape instead of teaching women not to be raped. That is a first step, the next is figuring out how.

We could teach sexual communication, neurodiversity and sex, and safe sex. Instead we preach abstinence (and it is preaching because it comes from religious sexual stigma). We say things like “Even if she didn’t fight it or say no, he should have known.” What I see less and less people saying is “He should have been taught to expressly ask for consent from an age just before the onset of puberty.”

This would be the safest route, but we’re not taking it, and I’m seeing more and more post with that ableist phrasing that would make all sexual activity extremely risky for autistic people, and, while the way that I worded things before could have been better, so could the wording of the posts that I keep seeing.

I do apologize for my previous wording that led to all of the hullabaloo and confusion. I am autistic, I often have problems with communicating.

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