1
0
0

Am I being overly sensitive? (self.ainbow)

submitted by Jenalou

sorted by:
best
best
トップ
新着
注目
論争中
古い順
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]Jenalou[S] -5 ポイント-4 ポイント

Okay, /r/ainbow, why the downvotes? I mean, I'm taking it as a sign that yes, I'm being overly sensitive, but the people downvoting without contributing anything constructive are lazy or assholes.

Mods, you want to know what you can do to make this place more welcoming? Maybe take away the ability to downvotes posts/links (not comments). The good ones will still rise to the top from the upvotes and the rest will still fall to the bottom, but without this "I'm going to downvote you for no reason I'm willing to say publicly" bullshit.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe -1 ポイント0 ポイント

Fine. I'll have a contribution to go with my downvote.

How hard was it to get married to your husband? How'd your family react? Ever get stares when you hold his hand or have parents grab their kids and conspicuously avoid the two of you? Ever have to explain to coworkers when they misgender your partner based on an assumption? Ever get questions if you decide to have your husband's photo on your desk at work? How about housing? -- ever have a land lord or building supervisor give you weird looks because you're married to a man or flat out refused you? How often does your seatback get kicked when the two of you go to a movie? How do you find the service at restaurants? Are you allowed to adopt?

Yes, you're being overly sensitive. Very. Sorry that pride doesn't cater to "traditional marriage" enough for your tastes.

And yeah -- the survey sounds like it was about same sex couples, sorry it's not about you.

The gay community should really go out of its way to be more accommodating to people who have made the choice to become legally bound to someone of the opposite sex, you're right.

[–]Jenalou[S] -4 ポイント-3 ポイント

I'm well aware that I benefit from straight privilege, just like I benefit from white privilege. But guess what?? I DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF THAT!! I can't help the fact that the person I want to spend my life with happens to be male, just like I can't help HOW I WAS BORN.

And, you know, I DID have to deal with some shit when I dated girls 15+ years ago. My mother cried. I was forbidden to tell my extended family. I know having to look over my shoulder to see if it's safe to kiss the girl I'm out with. It's been a while, but I HAVE been there. In fact, one girl stopped dating me because she wanted to be able to get married and at the time that didn't seem to be an option with me. And I lost a job after management learned I was bi (I was discussing coming out issues with a coworker. Ironic much?). I don't think it was a coincidence.

So fuck your assumptions. I don't ask people to assume I'm straight. I can't come out as easily as saying, "my girlfriend". And maybe people think that since I'm married my sexuality doesn't matter anymore but FUCK THAT SHIT! It's STILL part of who I am and it is JUST AS VALID as your identity and orientation!!

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe 1 ポイント2 ポイント

that didn't seem to be an option with me.

And why is that?

I don't ask people to assume I'm straight.

Any idea why they'd assume that? Is there anything about you that might give them the 'wrong' idea?

edit: I'm sorry that you're finding my questions offensive.

[–]Jenalou[S] -5 ポイント-4 ポイント

Can you math? I dated girls 15+ years ago. Same sex marriage was barely on the mainstream radar in the U.S. at that point. Massachusetts didn't legalize til 2004 so to a couple of college students in the mid-90's it was a mythical "someday", and not something she was willing to wait around for.

Edit:

edit: I'm sorry that you're finding my questions offensive.

I don't believe you. You're not asking to try to help. You're asking in a "How dare you have feelings you aren't entitled to" way. It's EXACTLY this sort of bullshit that makes me skittish about LGBT groups and events in the first place. Good job.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe -3 ポイント-2 ポイント

You sure were lucky you had the luxury of being able to find the opposite sex attractive then, weren't you?

Because it would have really sucked if you had to wait like everyone else.

[–]Jenalou[S] -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

Yeah, this space is totally safe for Bi people. We're absolutely included as part of the LGBTQ community and don't have fight prejudice and ignorance from BOTH sides.

Yup.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

That's not what I asked.

It's kind of a yes or a no question -- do you consider yourself lucky that you were able to find/marry a guy, and that you didn't have to wait like a lesbian would have or don't you?

Also.../r/ainbow is not a safe space. If you want a hugbox, there's always /r/lgbt

[–]supergauntlet -1 ポイント0 ポイント

You know that just because ainbow isn't a safe space doesn't mean you have to be a biphobic asshole right? Because you're really toeing that line.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe -4 ポイント-3 ポイント

What's biphobic about calling jenalou "lucky"?

Aren't most of my comments questions, anyway?

[–]Jenalou[S] -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

No, you're right, not a safe space. Welcoming place, that's what the mods were discussing last week after the survey results.

Considering I said I was aware of the straight privilege I benefit from, I thought you were just being a pissant asking a rhetorical question. Of course I realize how lucky I am. That's PART of being aware of privilege lame brain.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe -1 ポイント0 ポイント

Okay, that's a yes. Thanks. I guess that just leaves me wondering why you're upset about your treatment at pride if you're cognizant that you benefit from 'straight privilege.'

[–]Ohamo -3 ポイント-2 ポイント

actually it's LGBTQAA

stop erasing agender and asexual people.

[–]Jenalou[S] -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

and I. Intersex. I prefer using GSM but LGBT is what the survey used.

[–]Jenalou[S] -4 ポイント-3 ポイント

the survey sounds like it was about same sex couples, sorry it's not about you

This was added since my first response to you. I said in my original post that if it's about same-sex interactions, FINE, just say that! Instead of saying it's for LGBT people in general (like some are) when it isn't.

I love how you're using "choice" here. Yeah, I did choose to get married, you're right. But, like EVERYONE ELSE, I didn't CHOOSE who to be attracted to. We could have just lived together, that would have been fine too, but we still would be seen as hetero because we're opposite gender. Really, I'm supposed to take responsibility for someone else's assumptions?? I'm not allowed to dislike the fact that people make erroneous assumptions about me? Really?? How do you feel when people assume things about you based on your sexuality? Pretty sure you're not cool with it either, seeing as how assumptions based on false perceptions SUCK.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

You didn't choose to have these heterosexual feelings, you just do. I get it.

[–]Jenalou[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント

WHY do you have to turn around and be the same sort of asswipe to me that other people have been to you?? WHY do we keep perpetuating this stuff?!? Do you really need to feel superior to someone THAT BADLY?? That you need to shit on me by pulling the SAME EXACT CRAP that I'm sure others have pulled on you??

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe 0 ポイント1 ポイント

I don't see myself as superior to you, if anything it's the opposite. You've got capabilities that very few of us do and you've taken advantage of those capabilities. I thought my barrage of questions after you complained about the anonymous downvotes would have communicated that I see you as holding the superior position.

[–]Jenalou[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント

"Taken advantage"?? I thought I was lucky?? God, the implication that I have control over any of this is mind-boggling. What exactly was I supposed to do instead? Tell the person I want to be with, "Sorry, you're the wrong gender for me to commit to"? Go around wearing a sign that says, "Hey, I'm BI!!"?? I mean, I've THOUGHT about the sign- I'm so fucking tired of bi erasure that I WOULD like to shout it from the rooftops. But gosh, I don't think shoving my sexuality in straight people's faces would help the cause of LGBTQ people over all.

None of this makes me superior. No one is superior. We all face challenges, some of them more apparent than others, but that doesn't give any of us the right to downplay anyone else's struggles.

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe 0 ポイント1 ポイント

There's a difference between being in control and making the best of a situation. I'm not faulting you for getting married to a dude, I'm a little irked that you marry a dude and expect nothing to change between you and those who aren't so lucky as you.

[–]Jenalou[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント

Where are you seeing that expectation? Because I want a survey to be accurate when it asks for participants? I think perhaps you are way, WAY overgeneralizing. I mean, if I'm correct about what this survey actually wanted, homosexual people who hadn't been in a relationship in over a year wouldn't be eligible, and neither would straight trans people. So how does it make sense to present it as an LGBT survey what you actually want are people who have been in a same-sex relationship in the past year? That's all this post was originally about, being irritated that once again there were assumptions being made about LGBT people as a group that don't apply to everyone. And, yes, how my personal issues play into that irritation, but then I get attacked for being honest? What the actual fuck?

[–]Will_Im_Not 0 ポイント1 ポイント

why the downvotes?

downvote for complaining about downvotes.

[–]Jenalou[S] -3 ポイント-2 ポイント

Fair, but considering the discussion from the mods last week about trying to make this a more welcoming place for everyone I felt it was relevant at this time.

[–]DavidDavidson247 -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

With any luck, they downvoted you simply because you're Jenalou. I know I wouldn't have even read the 1/3 of your original post that I read and would have simply downvoted your original post and every post that was made in response without reading any of them if I had noticed.

[–]Jenalou[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Well, anyone who recognizes your name knows you're just here to be an asshole, though. So that's not surprising.

[–]DavidDavidson247 -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

It's not being an asshole to point out lying troll pieces of shit like you. Even children know that it's morally righteous to point out liars and cheats and scam artists and pretenders like yourself.

[–]Jenalou[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Oh? What am I lying about? And of course you know for a fact that I'm lying how?

[–]GH0STFIRE.exe 0 ポイント1 ポイント

He's being an asshole for assuming you're lying about something as common as women dating women while in college, I'll give you that.