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[IFF] Rape jokes (i.imgur.com)

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[–]mittromneysass -7 ポイント-6 ポイント

How I justify someone's body being physically and sexually violated, and having to continue live in same body that was violated, never escaping. How I justify that that is worse than having to pay child support for 18 years?

I'm a 'psych major' so I could probably discuss at length the psychalogical effects that rape has on someone and the idea that develops in some survivors where it's like a crime scene that you can never leave. But somehow I don't think you would accept that as being worse than child support

[–]doopers 5 ポイント6 ポイント

not going to speak to which is worse, but it is worth noting the psychological trauma associated with paying child support for 18 years in situations where custodial rights are not respected. Alienation from a child can have very real and lasting effects on men.

[–]mittromneysass 1 ポイント2 ポイント

Absolutely it can have psychological trauma on a biological parent whether they choose to stay in the child's life or not. I agree

[–]doopers 0 ポイント1 ポイント

the point that's particularly relevant to the joke in the post is that it's not always a choice.

[–]mittromneysass 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Sorry, what's not always a choice? I don't understand

[–]doopers 0 ポイント1 ポイント

being in the child's life (or not) is not always a choice. If you've never read stories of fathers who have been denied access to their children, though current with child support, they're absolutely heart-breaking.

[–]mittromneysass -1 ポイント0 ポイント

Unfortunatly when I said about not being in the child's life, I meant still paying child support but not being an actual parent/guardian. It fucking sucks and I disagree with current child support laws regarding these types of situations.

[–]doopers 0 ポイント1 ポイント

Ah. I agree that that's also a terrible situation (apathetic parent).

[–]xantris 1 ポイント2 ポイント

You don't sound like a very good psyche major, you didn't even spell psychological correctly. Regardless, it is because it doesn't end with child support, child support is only a fraction of what being a parent is. You're a parent for the rest of your life, whether you like it or not. It alters every aspect of your life, puts immense emotional and financial stress on you, and makes you responsible for the well being of another human being.

And there is no justice. You're told too bad, deal with it. Be a man.

These are very simple psychological and emotional stresses that I'd think a psyche major should have easily identified.

The amount of hypocrisy I'm seeing in response to this is pretty sad.

[–]mittromneysass -1 ポイント0 ポイント

I have a medical condition explaining that. But thank you, your comment on my spelling was very important to aid in this discussion.

You don't have to remain in the childs life. If you do not want children, then this situation is horrible but you still choose not to be in the child's life. I know the stresses of being a parent. But having all the stress of being a parent is not as bad as being a rape survivor, in my opinion.

these are very simple psychological and emotion stresses

right, they are. Parental stresses are common among all parents.

hypocrisy, where?

[–]xantris 0 ポイント1 ポイント

You don't have to remain in the childs life. If you do not want children, then this situation is horrible but you still choose not to be in the child's life. I know the stresses of being a parent. But having all the stress of being a parent is not as bad as being a rape survivor, in my opinion.

So a deadbeat dad? That's not an option for a good man. Blood is blood, I'm not going to turn my back on my son or daughter because I was violated and had my life dictated for me by someone.

The hypocrisy is that you fail to see that both acts are violations of another human being. The man didn't choose to become a parent anymore than the woman chose to be an unwilling participant in sex. Your violating their body, their choice, their mental well being, and their quality of life for the rest of their lives. They are, at the very least, equally egregious. At least the woman can seek justice.

[–]mittromneysass 0 ポイント1 ポイント

You are not a deadbeat dad if you do not want children, your partner forces/tricks you into having a child and you decide that you still do not want to be a part of the child's life. This is not you being a deadbeat dad. It sucks for the child, but the mother knows how you feel and has the option to bring the child into this world or not.

Blood is blood is just not how many people think. For example you don't have to like/love your family just because you are their blood. If you don't get on with your parents, they are abusive or they are just a negative force in your life then you have the right to walk away.

When did I fail to see that both acts are violations? When did I say that?

[–]xantris 0 ポイント1 ポイント

When did I fail to see that both acts are violations? When did I say that?

You're treating them differently. You seem to think that a guy can just wash his hands of being tricked into having children, like it's some sort of flip we can switch to not have a biological responsibility to that child. It's not the child's fault, it shouldn't have to grow up without a father because the mother violated the father's trust.

It would be like me telling a woman to just get over being raped. She didn't want it so it never happened, she should just let it go.

[–]mittromneysass 0 ポイント1 ポイント

You seem to think that a guy can just wash his hands of being tricked into having children

nope, i've said multiple times that I agree there would be side affects. And about my stance on not being in the child's life - maybe i'm biased by the fact that I have had a father who did not want to be in my life. While he was in it, he was always doing things 'because he had to' and I could tell. He wasn't happy about my existance at all. Maybe sometimes, at specific moments. But the rest of the time it was just him coping to be a dad. And that fucking wrecked me emotionally. Eventually he decided not to be in my life anymore. This has lead me to believe that people who don't want children should not be parents.

And your analogy is so wrong. You can't get away from your rape because it happened to your body in a way that you can't detach from it. With a child you can detach, but you can't with rape unless you can find a way to get out of your body.

[–]xantris 1 ポイント2 ポイント

You can't detach from a child. Maybe your father did, but that's not a normal human reaction! anymore than a woman who was raped and whom it didn't have any serious long term effects on (and yes, they exist).

Your experience with your father is biasing your viewpoint on parenthood and what is normal and natural for a human being. I have zero desire to have kids, but if I did have a kid, regardless of the circumstances, I would feel morally obligated to be the best father and provider to that child I could be.

A little not so secret, secret... Most parents, good or bad, planned or otherwise... have both regretted and cherished their choice to have children. Even if they won't openly admit it.

[–]hippieofkindness [score hidden]

What kind of god awful person must you be to think you can just walk away from your child? I know you said you think your dad didn't want to be there. You think that, your dad probably never said that. And he obviously made the effort to try something. Your perception is not always reality. My dad is an abusive, mentally ill, violent criminal. Many would and have called him a monster, but he loves his children and he would be apart of our lives if we let him. Most men won't be able to just walk away from their child. They're to good for that. That means they will be forced to see the woman who violated them everyday and as a bonus they won't be able to inform their child that she is a disgusting piece of scum. Because gods forbid you say a mother is a piece of shit.

[–]xyisok 2 ポイント3 ポイント

A friend of mine had custody stolen from him when the biological mother (who had become a crackwhore, literally) decided she was going to turn her life around and refused to return their son after a visit. She intentionally dragged the court case out as long as possible and even though she was convicted for DV after an incident in the home while their son was in her care, she won custody because the judge didn't want to relocate the child. The child who was only in her care in the first place because she effectively kidnapped him.

His monthly child support ended up being over $800/month. I don't know what you are making right now, but as someone with an actual degree in "psychalogy", I know first hand that supporting myself, a wife, and another child would be very stressful with this amount taken from me. The kind of stress that shortens lives.

You must have a really low opinion of men if you think there is no emotional damage relating to being forced into parenthood. The financial aspect is very significant, but to say there is no emotional toll is very invalidating of men's feelings. Especially when the parental alienation happens, which is likely considering the flagrant disregard for the man that has already been shown.

[–]mittromneysass -2 ポイント-1 ポイント

you think there is no emotional damage relating to being forced into parenthood

Sorry but have you read what I've said, repeated multiple times? Don't come at me unless you have read what I've written