Since the shooting in California last week, the issue of violence against women has been much discussed and debated here at DKos. Many women have shared the sexism, sexual harassment and sexual violence they have received at the hands of men. These have been difficult diaries to read, full of the pain and anguish that these women have had to face. While statistics are hard to come by, most current estimates suggest that between 1 in 4 or 1 in 3 women will be raped during their lifetimes. Far more will face other forms of sexual violence, sexual harassment, and general sexism. It’s common, it happens every day. More importantly it warps the very fabric of our culture, making women reasonably fearful, even if they have never themselves been a victim of sexual violence or intimidation.
Many women here have written powerful diaries explaining what sexual violence they face and what men should do to help prevent sexual violence. Most men have read these diaries respectfully and recommitted themselves to help women in the fight against sexual violence and sexism. Other men have decided it’s a good time to explain to women what really should be done to advance women’s issues, or better yet, decided now would be a good time to explain the hardships men also face. I have a suggestion for all the latter men.
Shut The Fuck Up and Listen To Women.
For those men who think they have the answer to violence against women.Whatever fucking brilliant idea you have to solve violence against women, its fucking stupid. Women have already thought of it and realized it won’t work. Seriously, do you really think that none of the 3.5 billion women on this planet haven’t already thought of your brilliant idea and tried it? Do you think that if it worked they wouldn’t have told their friends, and every woman would be doing it by now. Stop being a paternalistic asshole and accept the fact that women probably have a better idea on how to be women than you do. So take your brilliant idea and Shut the Fuck Up.
For those men who think it’s a good time to talk about men’s rights.You know, there are a few real examples of men’s rights being limited at the expense of women. Perhaps the best example would be in regard to child custody cases. Do you know where it would be good to discuss those issues? Anywhere other than a diary about violence against women. Because if its in a diary about violence against women, it is false equivalence, always. You see, those limited times that men have their rights infringed pale in comparison to the regular, systematic and institutionalized violence against women. By bringing this subject up in a diary about violence against women, it necessarily will be seen and understood as trying to equate it with violence against women. So take your child custody issues somewhere else, and Shut the Fuck Up.
For those men who think it’s a good time to talk about female violence against men.Again, by bringing up this subject in a diary about violence against women, it necessarily implies an equivalence between sexual violence by men and women. But no such equivalence exists. Yes, there are some women who victimize men. Far, far less than there are men who victimize women. There is no comparison. Think about it, how often have you heard about a group of “radical feminists” gang raping a 12-year-old boy, posting it on the internet, and not getting prosecuted because the female DA says “girls will be girls”? There is no equivalence between male violence against women and female violence against men, so Shut the Fuck Up.
For those men who are bothered that women are attacking all men.Seriously, get the fuck over it. Women have been systematically disenfranchised, shit on, beat up, raped and you get pissed off because they said something mean about men? Women are justifiably angry, they have every right to be. If women occasionally criticize “men” instead of “some men”, get the fuck over yourself and Shut the Fuck Up. Just for the record, if you are one of the people who is offended by the title of this diary, you are exactly who I am talking about, and you can feel free to Shut the Fuck Up about it.
For those men who are angry that their help is not being recognized by women.As said by another diarist, you do not get a gold star for what you should have been doing all along. You might anyway, but you sure as shit haven’t earned it. Women may well be thankful when you listen to them and advocate what they suggest, and you should be honored when they do so. But you have not earned any special reward or honor by not raping a woman, by not harassing a woman, by not paying a woman less than a comparable man. If you feel put-out because women are not noticing how not sexist you are, Shut the Fuck Up.
For those men who find it difficult to figure out what rape is.This is not hard. Listen to women, and help them achieve what THEY say is important—or please feel free to Shut the Fuck Up.Are you fucking kidding me? Its simple, usually it is fairly obvious when a woman wants to have sex. If its not obvious, ask. If they say no, if they say nothing, or if they are not able to respond—do not have sex. That’s it. Any bullshit you are saying about it being so difficult to determine what is and what is not rape is rape apologism, and if you make that argument, you are a rape apologist. So Shut the Fuck Up about your stupidly implausible definition of rape.
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