1. Don’t Gender Strangers

You don’t know how anyone identifies until they tell you. If you see someone walking down the street or on campus or in school and want to comment on something about them to a friend, use gender neutral pronouns and terminology! Instead of saying “she” or “he”, or “some girl” or “that guy”, just say things like “they” and “this person”. This helps us throw off the idea that presentation automatically tells us what someone identifies as.

2. Don’t Out People

Transgender people may not pass as the gender they identify as, but if you’re showing a picture of them to a friend and using their pronouns and the person asks something like “Is that really a boy/girl?” or “Are you sure that’s a boy/girl?”, just say yes! There’s no need to say “Well, they’re transgender,” or “Well, not biologically,” or anything else that outs that person as transgender. Outing them without permission, or saying “Well, not really,” is disrespectful and harmful. Especially if when you’re asked if it really is a boy or girl and you give the “Well, they’re trans” explanation because it implies that being transgender makes them not really a boy or a girl.

3. Don’t Use Gendered Language When Talking About Sex/Genitals

It’s easy to slip into the idea that vagina=female and penis=male. For one, that encourages the idea that penis and vagina are the only two kinds of genitals, which erases intersex people, but using that sort of language is harmful to transgender people as well. If you say “woman” when you mean “person with a vagina,” you’re telling transgender women with penises that they aren’t really women. The same goes for saying “man” when you mean “person with a penis”. Avoiding gendered language when talking about sex/genitals also empowers non-binary people because they may also be uncomfortable with someone referring to their genitals with pronouns/terminology that they don’t identify with.

4. Always Ask About Pronouns

Just ask! Make it normal. Ask for people who you don’t think are trans or non-binary. Ask people who you think might be. Ask everyone. Just ask it when you ask their name, or say their preferred pronouns when you introduce them to someone. Make pronouns something normal to discuss because it will help people to not misgender others. If you’re introduced to someone with the pronouns that they prefer, you’re more likely to use them, even if that person doesn’t “pass” or fit your idea of what that pronoun signifies. It’s really not a difficult thing to incorporate, either. When you meet someone, and ask their name, add in the “What are your preferred pronouns?” with it. If they’re cisgender, they’ll answer and be a bit confused but not offended. If they’re non-binary or transgender, they may be thrilled that someone finally asked before gendering them so they don’t have to awkwardly correct you.

5. Change Their Name In Your Contacts

Make a conscious effort to remember their new name/pronouns by changing their name in your phone or on anything else that you have their name in! It makes remembering to call them that so much easier. Even put their pronouns next to their name if it will help you remember. They’ll give you some grace early on if you slip up, but it’s like meeting someone for the first time and them mishearing your name and calling you the wrong one: It doesn’t bother you at first, but if you spend more and more time with them, and keep correcting them, you start to think that if they really cared about you, they’d know your name. If you slip up, correct yourself and apologize. When you introduce them to someone, use their name and pronouns, even if that means rehearsing it in your head beforehand. Making the effort shows that you care about that person and are trying hard to make them comfortable and respect them.