I feel like one of my best friends is doing something horrible, and at the same time I feel like a terrible friend for not supporting her.
A few months ago, one of my best friends (we'll call her Sarah) broke up with her long-term boyfriend (we'll call him Jake). A few weeks later, she explained to me that he had repeatedly raped her during their relationship. I was horrified and did everything I could to support her, but then she explained to me exactly what he did.
I knew that they had differing sex drives and I guess she would turn down a lot. The thing is, Sarah said that he would get really pouty when she turned him down and he would basically give her the cold shoulder for the whole next day if she said no when he wanted sex. Sometimes, Sarah would give in and consent to sex just to avoid his sulking. That's it. That's her whole story.
What's freaking me out is that she's told a few other people in our social group that Jake raped her. No details, just that he raped her. And now the story is starting to spread around all our mutual friends and everyone is saying that Jake raped Sarah. Again, no details, just that he raped her.
I feel like I have to say something, but I'd be everything I ever hated if I took sides with a rapist over a survivor. It's just that I don't think what he did was rape. It's childish and shitty, but I seriously don't feel like this should be called rape. Jake is catching some fallout from Sarah's accusations spreading around and I seriously feel terrible for him. Even if he was a douche, it just seems so unfair that everyone's calling him a rapist and people are starting to uninvited him from stuff.
Please give me some advice TwoX. I have two questions:
Am I wrong for thinking that it's ridiculous to call this rape?
What do I do about this? I don't want to betray my friend, but I feel like I have to do something about this. Maybe not tell people that she wasn't raped, but at least explain what actually happened and let them decide for themselves whether they think it was rape.
Help please. I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
EDIT: Why is everybody downvoting this? I just don't know what to do, and I'm only looking for advice.
there doesn't seem to be anything here