I'm watching my friends plan a party and ask for volunteers. Here's what I see:

• Men get interesting and creative work by default, such as making a special prop or cooking something gourmet. I say "by default" because this was the only thing predetermined prior to asking for volunteers.

• Women volunteer to do tedious work such as washing dishes, handing out name tags, serving food, and cleaning. This includes women who aren't even a regular part of the social group, and who apparently only show up for things like this, so feelings of obligation to help out are baffling.

• Men do work that leads to fulfillment, such as creating the centerpiece of the dinner. Women do unfulfilling work such as cleaning up after the men by doing their dishes after they cook.

• Women take on jobs that don't lead to valuable skill development, like men do. They do whatever is left that needs doing, and so they only get to do whatever is leftover.

This is a microcosm of what I see happening in the larger lives of women and men. Women seek working doing whatever because this is what they're socialized into, and throughout their lives they struggle to find work doing what they can or become domesticated into cleaning up after men.

Meanwhile, men teach each other skills and pursue dreams and fulfilling or respected or profitable (or all of the above) careers.

I think of the women's strikes in Iceland. I think of how, regardless of whether some women just passionately love cleaning up after others and are fulfilled by that role, the pigeonholing of women in these roles that just enable men makes it more difficult for everyone.

Please don't fall into this trap. Be conscious of your actions. Be willing to say no to helping. Don't enable men to follow their passions at the expense of yours. Take time to develop yourself, to develop skills and passions, and stick to them no matter how much others complain that you're not being realistic because you want to do more than clean. Go on strike from being the helper, and ask, why am I not important enough to be the one who is helped?