No. I do not hate people for being heterosexual. I do, however, hate the system that worships heterosexuality and puts everything else aside. It fills me with such anger and fear that sometimes I carry a hatred of heterosexuality in general, because of the things it causes the lgbt community.

The same can be said for most people who say they “hate” cis people, heterosexual people, white people, rich people, etc. Most likely they are not speaking about individual people who have these privileges. They are speaking about the system that favors them, and the ignorance and bigotry that those people very often hold.

Because every day I am reminded that the majority of people I’m surrounded by hate my sexuality. Every day I face oppression, whether it’s casual or serious. Every day I realize that these heterosexual people carry disdain for me that results in the oppression of my community, with little to no consequence, and they are even praised for it sometimes. If you don’t know what this feels like, then I can’t begin to describe it to you. It fills you with hatred. It’s not fair, at all whatsoever, that they get away with this. I vent my feelings in the only safe place I have (online) by saying “I hate heterosexuals” or something similar. When I say those things I am so drained by the homophobia I face that I can’t stop and think, “what about the nice heteros!”

The majority of heterosexuals I’m surrounded with hate me, and that’s enough. That’s more than enough. Especially since when they say they hate the lgbt community and if lgbt people were to say they hate cishets (to their faces), both scenarios would end in violence against the lgbt community.

To the “we’re not all like that,” mostly likely you are like that. Even if you accept minorities, you probably have a lot of underlying discriminatory behavior. Everyone is inherently prejudiced. Even oppressed people themselves; it takes years sometimes to get rid of that. We’re raised in a society that normalizes prejudice, and you cannot convince me that you have been immune to that. Prejudice takes place in every aspect of our society. It digs itself into the cracks and crevices of everything we know, and you must actively search for them in order to work on getting them out. So yes, you’re probably “like that,” you just don’t know it.

And if you really are accepting and including of minorities, you wouldn’t take offense to minorities’ anger at their oppressors.

Also, think about this. If you go up to 99% of homophobic people and ask them if they’re homophobic, they’d probably say no. People don’t like to admit their prejudice. If I make a post towards homophobes, no one would think it was about them, no matter how homophobic they might be. But if I say “cishets,” then sure as hell they’ll pay attention.

You do not, in fact, understand that I’m hurting. If you did, then you wouldn’t be arguing with me. It is vital to the mental health of oppressed people to vent. We go all day suppressing the anger and fear we experience, and not everyone is capable of doing that while maintaining a good mental and emotional health. It leads to clinical depression, self-hatred, self-harm, and many other serious problems. It is for our safety and our place as human beings with valid emotions to vent about the oppression we face.

Hurt feelings come second. And honestly, if you see a post about the oppression of a minority group and all you can think about is how you’re offended by the wording, then the problem is with you, not the person who made the post.

See this comic that explains this very well.

See the first question. No one hates people for being cis, hetero, white, etc. If they do, then that’s their problem, but I promise you from the depths of my being that most people do not feel that way and the posts they make that suggest otherwise are either venting or sarcastic/joking posts.

For your second question, refer to the next.

You are comparing homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc to cishetphobia, etc.

If the above does not set off alarm bells in your mind then you need to really question your own reasoning here.

I live in a world where my sexuality is either made into something disgusting, something weird, or something that exists for male entertainment. If you aren’t part of a minority then you cannot know what that feels like. I have to see news stories about kids that are killed for their sexuality, and people around me shake their head in disapproval, saying, “They shouldn’t have flaunted it.” The only place I can feel safe and happy with who I am is online.

Heterosexuals, on the other hand, are worshipped in this world. They get to feel safe while holding their partner’s hand, a luxury I don’t have. They don’t have to worry that they will get kicked out of stores and restaurants for kissing their partner. They don’t get told that their love is offensive and inappropriate to children, though on every magazine rack there are pictures of photoshopped breasts and messages that children should never be shown. They don’t have to worry about not getting a job because of their sexuality, and even after they get hired, they don’t have to worry about being fired for it. Everywhere is a safe place for them.

You see a joking post about someone wanting to rid the world of heterosexuals? You might get your feelings hurt. But just sit back for a minute and remember that your sexuality is loved and accepted and the sexuality of whoever made that post is demonized, or erased altogether. You can take solace in that I guess, if you’re really angry about that post. You always win, not because of your anti-sj arguments, but because we live in a heteronormative society.

I see a joking post about someone wanting to rid the world of homosexuals? Ha, trick statement, I see that in real life. Billboards and posters around town say that kind of thing, right under the “Jesus is real” ones. People say that kind of thing, whether or not they’re religious. It’s commonly accepted that a lot of people, especially people in positions of power, think that the world would be better off without me and the people like me.

The same goes for all minorities. Oppression is not ~fun~ or ~made up~ like many anti-sj people make it out to be. If you really experienced it, then you would be ashamed of yourself for even thinking such a thing. I know I’m ashamed for thinking that once.

This one is pulled way too often. I’ll first address the friend one. I’m already doubtful of people who say this, because if you have views that are oppressive, then you would probably not have a good chance at making friends that are part of whatever minority your opinions oppress. However, some people in minorities do make friends with people like that, I’ve seen it happen.

First of all, your friend may not approve of your opinions. They might say they do, but they’re possibly too scared to tell you. Second of all, everyone is different and has different personalities. I’ve seen a lot of those lone soldiers that deny the oppression of their community because they don’t personally experience it.

That brings me to the next point. “I’m gay and I don’t think it’s okay to hate heterosexuals!” or “I’m a woman and I get treated the same as men!” Good for you! Really, I’m glad at least some people are immune. However, you need to recognize that just because you don’t experience something, sure as hell doesn’t mean no one else does. You might be oblivious to the oppression your community faces, but most of us are not and we’re the ones who pay for it.

This is usually in response to someone complaining about transphobia.

You're transphobic.

Trans people usually don't tell anyone what's in their pants, and actually, cis people are the ones who ask, which is extremely rude and goes to show that cis people care way too much about genitals.

The genitals of trans people are none of your business, and it's really fricking creepy that you care enough to ask.

If this is in response to a complaint about violence or discrimination, you're even more transphobic. Basically you're saying, "If trans people just kept their transness to themselves, they wouldn't get hurt!" First of all, that's not true, as not every trans person can pass as cis.

Second of all, that is the most inhumane thing to say and I feel sorry for anyone who comes in contact with you. You're blaming someone for being treated as less than human by other people? Take a look at your thinking for a moment.

People have every right to be who they are. They have every right to be proud. They've lived their lives fighting this unimaginable battle and yes, they deserve to show it. Anyone who takes a trans person coming out as an invitation to violence is inhumane, and anyone who blames their crime on their victim is supporting them, and supporting all the other murderers and rapists with them.

The “majority” when talking about oppression does not mean the population majority. If so, then white people would be in trouble. The majority means the group that holds the power, and the group that is considered “normal.” Cis, straight, white middle-class males are the majority in the US not because there are more of them, but because they’re the most represented, the most powerful, and the most normalized group in our society. If you ask a random person to give an example of a successful or ideal — or even average — individual, they’ll most likely think of a cishet white middle-class man. That’s why characters in movies and books are cishet and white by default, and it’s considered “original!” and “diverse!” if they’re a PoC or lgbt. Cishet white middle-class men are not a population majority by far, but they might as well be, because they’ve got the power of one.

This question gets asked a lot. Often, people talk about "cisphobia" before actually knowing what "cis" means.

Being cis means you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. Being trans means you identify as something other than the gender you were assigned at birth. I suggest you go through that website and familiarize yourself with the terms. Here's another good website. Also, explanation for what intersex means.

There are "rules" because we cannot achieve equality with the language and attitude our society currently has. Language greatly affects the way people are approached or seen. Also, looking into the language we use every day is an effective way to open people's eyes about oppression. It shows that not everyone purposefully contributes to the oppression of minorities, but that we're raised and molded to use language and actions we see as normal, but that actually shape people's thinking and reinforce the oppressive system.

For example. You cannot say the word "gays" or "the gays" to refer to the lgbt community, or at all really. That's what homophobes refer to us as, and it has a dehumanizing connotation. Plus, homosexuals are only a part of the lgbt community, and by using the word "gay" to refer to all of us, you're erasing people of other sexualities and trans people.

You cannot use the word "queer" to refer to the lgbt community. That is a slur, and should only be used to refer to oneself because it hasn't been completely reclaimed yet (I didn't realize this until recently). The same goes for "enby" referring to nonbinary people. Not everyone uses that term and not everyone is comfortable with it. Always ask before using a term if you are unsure.

Don't put the asterisk after trans.

Don't put an "-ed" after transgender, cisgender, etc.

Put a space between "trans man" and "trans woman." They are men and women, and "trans" is an adjective. By putting the words together, you're labeling them as something other than men and women.

If you're put off by these guidelines, then you need to take a moment to consider why. Yes, we sound like big meanies not letting you do or say what you want, right? But remember that if you're not part of the group that the word refers to, then it doesn't affect you, and you don't have the moral right to decide what the guidelines are.

If you find a typo or incorrect data, or a link that doesn't work, etc, please tell me. The same goes for the arguments. If there's something I said that is wrong, outdated, or misinformed, please let me know. This is a work in progress, and I will continue to add things as time goes on.

You can also send me questions and/or answers to add to this FAQ.

There isn't much we can say to you to change your mind, because that's what bigotry is: someone who dislikes/hates another group and refuses to change their opinions. However, if you can find a small piece of your heart buried under all that misery I suggest you use it, because you'll be better off, I promise.

Because the world is changing. Not as fast as we need it to change, but we will not stop fighting until we get the treatment and opportunities we deserve, and we will win. We abolished slavery, we gave women the right to vote, and while we still have a long way to go, we came this far and we all know (even you) that we will get to the end.

And as long as you have that disdain in your heart, you will only grow more miserable as time goes on.