My radical feminist journey has led me to evolving into this intermediate stage of just a radical feminist to full on separatist. It’s rarely discussed the type of lifestyles that radical feminists and all rebels of the patriarchy, hags, lesbians, etc. live and the struggles they continue to face.
Radical feminism has completely transformed me. I find it incredibly difficult to even view the world in the same light as I used to. My struggles from before still try to surface though, and that’s something my separatism seems to prevent from happening. I believe this is due to the fact that I have no male friends, and limit my interaction with males on a refined basis. Since I go to a school where I am forced to interact with males in group settings, this is usually the time I engage with males. I know how to be entertaining and put on a fake smile. I also know how not to anger them, and to avoid possible conflicts.
Not having a lot of males in my life is very refreshing. I used to be a girl who had only male friends, to now zero, which is great! Male influence in my life is limited socially, but I do know that there are the hidden males around me that I need to watch out for. Like the media, academics, religion, etc. Otherwise, I don’t have to sit around and be with a boring piece of shit and talk about shit that only relates to him and do things that only seems to feed his empty desire, drinking, drugs, etc. But I still am struggling with cocooning into a full-time separatist in certain levels.
Bodily Constraints
I am someone who looks in the mirror everyday. With patriarchy, men are constantly dictating what women’s bodies should look like, and they are constantly advertising that we should be as thin,as white,( in America that is, femininity mandates differ geographically) and as feminized as possible. A woman’s body is meant for male viewing. He wants to see something that doesn’t look human, to confirm his stupid beliefs that women are fuck objects. Feminization and beauty practices are about looking passive. It’s about becoming a sado-masochistic vessel and advertising that to men. It’s about meeting a projection basically. She paints her eyes, and starves herself because she’s supposed to like pain, and therefore she must want to be fucked. That’s why men push beauty practices on us, hence the name “beauty” which is actually irrelevant. Also men HATE the female body because they are terrified of us.
I still do pettily judge myself, and battle with urges to call myself ugly and fat. Just because I’ve felt that way since I was a child. When you’ve been programmed a certain way it’s hard to de-program. But otherwise because I know that I actually am a human being, that looking “pretty” is only for men and is bullshit myth that harms women, I gracefully don’t. I could sit on here and give a sob story, but that’s where my separatist state of mind kicks in. This divide from the mainstream patriarchal world with truth. The truth always prevails over easing into harmful myths with me, and hopefully that applies to all disappointment.
I’m pretty sure that there are other feminists dealing with the same struggles of their appearance, whatever it might be. My advice is this. Submitting to beauty myths is constraining your freedom and only benefiting men. It’s always better to grow. All women are beautiful and beauty is not measured on the surface. This is something all women know but we are too scared to admit that we think the hairy fat goddess is hot! If you’re really down, think of it this way. All your attempts to look “attractive” for men are self-defeating, for men will never care for women, will always hate them, even in their most feminized and refined forms. In fact, men will rape and kill women regardless of looks. No appearance will truly clear any woman from being raped, killed, and abused by men. Also men are dangerous? Who really wants their attention or approval anyway. We are strong WOMYN. And we are not dependent on them for survival.
Now, never hold contempt for women who conform to beauty practices, it’s purely male socialization’s fault, not her’s for whatever her reasons. And remember this woman is a victim of patriarchal female standards. We don’t need to blame other women for what they do to themselves. Women are womankind!
If you still hate the way you look, here’s a real mind changer. Beauty is diversity. Everyone is born with truly unique features, and if everyone was meant to look the same than that would be stupid. So why try to look like something we are not? Embrace you’re completely unique human body, because it’s your’s and nobody will ever have it. Men can’t value diversity, they need hierarchy and genocide because they detest themselves to the fullest. So why try to live the destructive male way, when you can adopt the empowering female way of diversity and self-love? It’s way more beautiful, meaningful, truthful, and real to accept, and love oneself, and not bow down to other’s standards.
Destructive Female Friends
Another thing about having a separatist state of mind, is not being able to detest or hate women.I truly can’t hate or dislike any woman. Yes I may find many woman annoying, destructive, and unwise, but I always hold my heart out for them because these characteristics are due to men’s abuse, control, and influence on them.
The problem dealing with destructive females when your radical feminism doesn’t seem to be reaching them, and you don’t have any other radical feminist friends. All of my friends are totally colonized, and patriarchal minded. They judge other women on appearances, put males before their friends and themselves, and are drowning in the poisoned stream of heterosexuality. All of their actions seem to end at males. This is discouraging, I try to engage them into my understand but they don’t seem to grasp it, and are actually very annoyed at me.
I’ve left friends behind, completely stopped talking to them. Sometimes it’s just not worth having my beliefs compromised. It’s frustrating and sometimes the things they say can really get into my head. My rule is, when your non-radical feminist friends become a threat to your sanity abandon them. That’s for me, but I know that other radical feminists probably just don’t talk to non-radical feminist women. Which is absolutely fine.
What sucks about having friends who aren’t feminist is that you see so much destructive behavior going on that makes you sick, and they are completely oblivious to it. For them it’s normal to judge other women’s outfits or appearance, for them it’s normal to gossip and talk about “cute” boys (ew). It’s apparently funny women women are being abused by men ( World Star Hiphop generation/ Vines generation) It’s disturbing. And sometimes it really gets to me. If it gets too out of control soon, then I will just stop talking with everybody. It’s way more dignifying to be the loner with no friends, than to be stuck with friends that aren’t really friends. Even though I try this and destructive friends always seem to chase after me when I distance myself.
Heterosexual Hiccups
I can now consider myself to be a non-heterosexual, and a possible lesbian. But the thing is I still do sometimes have visions of PIV and feelings when watching a movie where people are having sex. I know this is not my fault, it’s due to years of heterosexual conditioning, but it’s slowly wearing off.
Since I am a woman, I can control my bodily responses and even condition them away. When I saw erect penises I used to become aroused, but now when I see them I feel nothing but disgust and offense. I see the penis as nothing but an ugly deformity of skin that is inferior and dangerous. It’s a weapon that needs to stay away from the public eye. Hence, when I was aroused to the penis, I always felt shame and uneasiness. I felt like my arousal wasn’t natural, it wasn’t right. My body had become used to penises penetrating it, so my mind triggered sexual arousal whenever I saw them to prepare for it. This was a response to fear.A feeling of dread still came over me whenever I saw an erect member because I knew there was a good chance that it was going to try to invade me. I know this because I was never aroused by penises before, until after my first PIV experience.
When I see naked women ( not pornified women), I experience arousal, but it is accompanied by emotions of warmth, love,attraction and appreciation, not by fear, loathing and guilt as with men. The very idea of women is attractive, and dignifying.
Dating men is something my mind is so far out of ever being able to do unconsciously again. I am a conscious, breathing female, aware of men’s lies and evil. I may have my occasional PIV flashbacks but going back to that is thinkable, but incomputable with real hard earned logic and reason I have built up. My mind won’t let me.
Writing about this helps to heal though. Establishing the known truth is hard, when in the foreground the world is telling you the opposite. When in the real world you deal with the different responses from men, all of which just remind you of your subordinate status.
Loneliness
Lonesomeness get’s me about once a week. Constantly dreaming of a cuckold of radical feminist sisters, and reaching out with disappointment to find those dreams are holographs. I am okay with being a lone soldier, but sometimes I do wish I knew someone like me. It would make things easier, infuse hope, and motivation. And then maybe my mind wouldn’t drift into thoughts of crossing over to the other side. For it is so easy to abandon the truth and seep into a slow suicide by giving myself to the patriarchy.
While it seems the patriarchy and men are constantly chasing after me, trying to get me back into their traps, into serving them, sometimes we think of giving up.But I know there is no safety or satisfaction with just lying down. There is nothing to be gained, nothing to be learned, but humiliation and the loss of dignity, self,freedom and respect.Nothing to do but die.
It’s either fly or die. And I chose to fly. Fly above everyone else, no matter how solo the path.I find myself lately wondering off into other people’s lives and comparing them to my own. It is here where I first recognize that I may be alone. The contrast between my life and theirs is so vastly different. Parties, friends, connections, jobs, money, trips, etc. these things are way far out of importance to me. But what I realize now, is that I never ever felt it was wrong to be me, I never felt lonely, until someone told me I was. I never felt lonely until I began to think about the concept of loneliness. Women in patriarchy are lonely souls, devoid of honest connection, and forced into servitude to attempt to ease their loneliness. Loneliness stems from male-induced self hatred and a woman’s loneliness is only widened through pleasing men. Men are the root of loneliness, projecting their imperfections on to women, and making women feel they need them or they will be lonely. So when people jumpy to the conclusion that I am lonely, they are drawing from the patriarchal mythology of the lonely untouched woman who is the worst state a woman can be because she is without man, therefore without significance. A clear myth created to trick women into servitude.
Being alone doesn’t equate with loneliness, when being alone gives you strength and leads to productivity in your life.So as I drift as an outsider away from the guilds of civilization, I realize how lucky I am. I am someone who stopped to ponder the world, and gained the powers to see what it really was, instead of being consumed by it. I see patriarchy.I see men for what they really are and I can identify that. That’s a gift, and a hard earned one that is. In fact it takes a life’s journey to grow wiser. Something you will not find most people of this generation attainting to.
To end on an inspiring note, what struggles as a radical feminist do you still battle and need reconfirmation with? The possibility of female-to-female healing is endless.
This is very touching, I am a young radfem and pondering similar things. Just wanted to say that all women in the west are victims of gynocidal beauty practices regardless of their race. For white women they are “pasty” my grandmother used to tell me white legs in summer shorts were gross I know women who have died from skin cancer due to tanning beds, white women who have thin tips are also told they need injections. Mine are so thin I can’t even get lip product on them without it being on my face. Also our butts are too flat (we “need” butt implants), hair too thin and “lank” etc. No ones ever thought I was pretty bc I’m white. There is always something “wrong” with us.
Pretty much. Women always try to compete against each other in the end and segregate one another based on who more closely resembles gender ideals. I also am someone who doesn’t fit beauty norms, flat butt, thin lips, curly hair, etc. and am not planning on. I was always dogged by the size of my nose, my un-straightened hair, and my wacky dressing. But now I wear my unique features as a crown.
When men categorize women by racial features, it’s not about what they actually look like it’s just that each race of woman is a different commodity for a man. Like white carries the pure virginity commodity while black carries dirtiness/promiscuity as the commodity. And you can see there is hierarchy with this, breeding married women and then prostituted woman. These are preexisting categorizations that no woman has control over regardless of how non-feminized she looks.
I absolutely love your thoughts on loneliness. It can still be hard for me to _feel_ lonely, but _being_ lonely and embracing my self as I _am_, and not like I’m supposed to be, is a wonderful state of wholeness.
I recently adopted a dog, and I was amazed to realize that when I spent a whole day with her and with nobody else, reading radical feminist thoughts or personal posts, I would talk to her, and think for myself, and never feel alone. When I was in a park with her one day, sitting on the grass, and a group of young men was drifting towards us, then I realized that I didn’t feel alone the whole time, but that *they* were perceiving me as being a woman, and alone — while I was just being myself!
I’ve learned a lot from your responses, Skulldrix. Society is much more ordered with these structures that define levels of control for womyn than previously thought. It’s downright insidious how from early womanhood, “conventional wisdom” shapes our journey into bondage, but the symbols of oppression appear outside of educational systems and superficial notions of physical beauty.
Take for example what I’ve come to recognize as testicle envy. The het-dominated landscape, full of phallic-shaped buildings and idioms (e.g. “ramrod” — yuck!) is well-known. But also invading our lives are huge quantities of balls. Scraggly, hideous, bouncing balls- floating in from all directions and making unwanted contact with us from all angles! Every single sport uses round, patterned balls, which must be touched, carried, kicked and launched – even’s womyn’s soccer does this. Food, from M&Ms, to green peas to hamburgers, comes to us in this unnecessary, rounded testicle shape- as a result I only eat at Wendy’s when I eat fast food. When I was younger, it appeared so neutral and innocent. Now, I know better and it’s evident that it’s clearly trying to be suggestive of unwanted oral servicing and eventual PIV rape.
Learning to see all of these things has been difficult, yet enlightening for me and my sisters. Chivalry, in particular, seems to be overly laden with scrotal imagery.
Your entire response has made my day breath-takingly awesome. What amazing insight.
Yes, balls. Everywhere. The Washington Monument. City Hall. Skycrapers. All big dicks.
I love the part where you talk about conventional widsom and knowledge ( educational systems, churches, etc) literally guide us into bondage, while the media and commercial world are definitely residues and symbols that we are being oppressed.
Penises are everywhere. Even invading our sexual thoughts/desires unwantedly.
Thanks for commenting.
It’s around us all day, every day. And have you noticed so many of the bad things in the world are phallic? Missles and bullets. Guns (the barrels) Cigarettes and cigars. Obvious penis representations. Beer and liquor bottles. The plastic water bottles clogging up the environment. All of these things are penis-like. I am slowly phasing any phallicly influenced things out of my life. Hopefully one day all women will see the truth and do the same. And then we will only have one thing left in the world representing the penis. Men. And what shall we do with them? Obviously we cannot safely live in a mixed society. And since men have oppressed the world since the dawn of recorded history, I say it is time women take charge. I don’t know what we should do with the men, but they should be made to feel the oppression women have felt for hundreds of years.
oh, i really love these thoughts and it’s great to see such a nice article on separatism. I relate to your perceptions on separatism, on many levels, and have followed a very similar path. Separatism started for me in a crossroads of circumstances. First because I couldn’t bear being exposed to anything male, either in physical presence or in mediated ways (religion, ideology, media, art, etc, etc,) because everything they do is always directly or subliminally a rape threat and reminds us of our penetrable caste, it glorifies it. It re-triggers unconscious or conscious defense mechanisms to rape, PIV and sexualised invasion. It’s stressful and traumatising.
It also started when I decided that I wouldn’t date any men because dating with them had been so painful and traumatising and I wanted to protect myself from that. I had already perceived that PIV was a way to humiliate women and that all they wanted was to use us as receptacles for their dicks. So I first thought that a way to prevent being used by them as their dick-socket to be thrown away the minute after, I’d have to choose one I knew for a long time and could trust he wouldn’t abuse me, had already built an equal, friendly, respectful relationship with him which stood the test of time, and especially, they would have to understand feminism and i should be able to be feminist with them without feeling uncomfortable about it.
Well I very quickly realised that this standard was totally impossible! Once I held this standard for interacting with men, they all disappeared out of my life very quickly. It became obvious that men didn’t want to interact with women on an equal level, and that what “attracted” them in women was our capacity to be subordinate to them. This was a major eye-opener. I’ve said this before in various comments but i found this experience really amazing.
Yeah, I’ve actually been thinking about this lately. I still do randomly trauma-bond with dudes every once in the blue moon and I realize the reason I am attracted to them is either because a) they share qualities with my past abusers and that for some stock-holmy reason turns me on or b) im bored/lonely/doubtful/confused or having droughts of self esteem. Which sucks because It makes me feel unreal, and it makes me feel like I am loosing grasp of reality. It makes me feel that even though I know so much that I might be choosing to like men or something.
Otherwise, I have realized that even if I ever were to try to date men again I would not be able to because I am not a subordinate being. I realize that the misery I felt in past relationships was due to the fact that I hated subordinating myself to have a boyfriend, it drove me crazy, yet the man loved it, and never reciprocated anything. Men are turned on by female suffering, subordination, and self destruction.All heterosexual relationships are ones of sadism. I won’t say masochism, because that might imply females may love to be dominated.
This is such an important statement, and the definition of separatism as hating only men and never displacing our anger against women is often forgotten by some women who identify to separatism or practice certain forms of separatism. Thank you for spelling this out so clearly.
My own decision to love all women and to stop resenting or hating women came about when I realised that the only beings with whom I had meaningful interaction were women. That women were the only humans I had really loved, who really counted in my life, and with whom I had been touched by on a deep level, even if it was traumatic because we were both colonised and I was constantly betrayed by my best female friends. It is after this that I became a lesbian.
My decision to never detest women also came about with the knowledge that all women were oppressed by men, that only men rule absolutely every aspect of male society, there is no exception to this and that our destructive anti-women behaviours are caused only by men and are inherent to being colonised by men. And that if you detest or resent women for their male-induced behaviours you inevitably participate in woman-hating, you participate in misogynistic reversals and that this goes against yourself and your own kind. I think you can only refuse to not resent or attack women if you have a deep understanding of the extent of men’s violence against women and a very clear vision of how women are really trapped by men, individually and globally. You know on a profound level that it’s not them acting on their own volition but they are remote-controlled by the men in their heads, and they’re doing that as a twisted form of survival, because they’re held captive. Colonisation of the mind is determined by the extent of violence and especially the inability to escape this violence and inability to access any alternative experience or vision to this violence and to the perspective of the oppressor.
Oh i dont know if i could ever completely love every woman. You know, its tough out there for anyone, but it seems as though women are always clawing at each other. At my job there is a bitch that i swear hates everyone, and makes it a point to make everyone miserable. She told me that if she could make me quit that it would make her happier than giving birth to her children. I fucking hate that bitch Cali, and dont know if i have it in me to forgive someone like that. I get that it may not be her fault, but its not justifiable in my opinion.
I have often said i think its cause she needs to get a serious PIVing. I could be wrong, and dont know what man would have her. I seriously think a dildo would deny her pleasure.
I don’t like it either when separatist lesbians or feminist criticise other women for still being stuck into what men have groomed us and held us captive for. It’s implicitly considering that being oppressed or not is just a matter of choice, therefore that the violence that forces us to do this isn’t real, and that if women continue to be subordinated to men, they must be stupid, or they must be getting some kind of advantages. This is what men accuse women of, of being vain, idle sluts who trick men to get money from them, and you hear this myth and its variations often repeated from women of all kinds, whether they identify as lesbians, feminists or not.
This is plain misogyny and a complete reversal. The truth is: men steal money, work and time from women, men reduce women to their possessions, and force women to be dependent on men so men can rape women more easily. Men are the tricksters, frauds, rapists.
wrt heterosexual hiccups, I have talked about it in several of my posts, but something that helps end the flashbacks of PIV and the dissociative arousals caused by the rape threat is certainly to see how every act of PIV was rape, and to see ourselves as rape victims, and to link the rapes to later consequences on our lives (dissociative disorders, hightened trauma-bonding to men, etc).
Not long ago i bumped into a guy who had raped me when i was a child, it was the first PIV i’d ever had. He came up to me to say he was sorry and that it was the worst thing he’d ever done. Of course, he took that opportunity to mansplain about himself how he had become a better man, pro-feminist dude, etc.
One of men’s weapons is to deny us the capacity to identify and name the violence they subject us to, which is what causes such extreme dissociation, confusion and colonisation. They own our reality and they can choose to take it away from us or at very rare occasions, give snippets of it back to us so we should be grateful to them. The fact is, for him to come up to me and name it as rape, it had the effect of making the violence of the event completely obvious and clear: even if I knew it intellectually before, i didn’t feel it, i still felt self-doubt, guilt and shame.
All this to say that freeing ourselves from “heteresexual hiccups” and dissociative arousals is directly linked to our capacity to identify and experience the violence of the rapes. In my experience, to officially see that this was rape, immediately freed me both of the shame I felt, my desire to forget and erase this experience of my life, of the dissociative flashes of PIV, and of this horrible reaction of trauma-bonding to men: because it was all linked to this and it really started with the first PIV/rape. After the reality of rape being given back to me, I never had these dissociative reactions the same way again. I could finally reintegrate this event in my life story and see myself as a victim of abuse, and therefore link it to the consequences it had on me later: years of sexual abuse and trauma-bonding to men. It became clear. For the first time I could experience the rage, disgust and anger against him and of having been abused, there wasn’t this blank screen any more between my perception and what happened.
I also like the fact you call it “hiccups” – annoying but infrequent intrusions on our separatist / lesbian journey.
sorry for sending so many long comments i hope you don’t mind! It’s refreshing to have such thoughtful and original posts.
finally, a reaction to what you wrote about loneliness: YES!
at the time I finally gave up on men, I also worked on my fear of loneliness and gave up on the idea that I needed to live through someone else (especially a man) in order to exist, and realised how self-loathing it was to consider myself incomplete when alone, as a person to-be-filled with the presence of someone else (a man). That on our own, we can’t satisfy our basic needs, we can’t have fun, we can’t develop ourselves, there’s no spark.
Also it’s another way of seeing yourself as an empty shell to be penetrated by the man’s presence, except that this plays on the spiritual level instead of the purely physical. And the excruciating sense of loss which accompanies this view of self as an empty shell to be filled, isn’t caused by having lost someone else or of being left alone, but of having lost ourselves. And the only way to stop feeling lonely is to reintegrate ourselves and to see ourselves as complete beings, to enjoy our own company.
This is a reversal of course, because the real spark and self-development only happens when we’re truly self-centred. I have never felt happier since I decided that I didn’t need someone else to fill me in in order to exist and be happy.
I remember that before this, wherever I went and whatever it was for, I had this secret hope that I would meet the prince charming who would save me from my loneliness and emptiness: and I would be disappointed about the journey / event / activity if such an encounter didn’t happen (it never did). Meetings and evenings spent with friends were less exciting if there weren’t any men or potential “boyfriends” to “spark” the interaction. I valued my experiences according to whether a man had approved of me or not. And female friends will always say to you before you go somewhere, “maybe you’ll find a boyfriend” with a wink, as if it were the most important thing about the trip. Finding a boyfriend is the purpose of all enterprise and life. Freeing myself of this horrible state of waiting and expectation and seeing myself as to-be-saved, was, well, immensely freeing.
Final comment I promise!
It’s so true and so important to say that loneliness is man-created.
the fear of being alone and seeing ourselves as incomplete is really one of the major blocks for women to become separatists. Breaking down this fear and understanding where it comes from is really important. Whenever I talk to women about the possibility of avoiding men and to let go of the couple model or the idea that someone will save them (men or sometimes women by replacement), the first thing they tell me is that they’re afraid to be alone so they don’t want to give up on men. It’s also why so many women jump into lesbianism out of this same fear of loneliness, as a way to replace the hetero-cage and sexual objectification model. Lesbianism can be a trap when it’s used as a way to replace the male model of being owned by someone and filled by someone else in order to exist.
These emotions of warmth, love, serenity are really important measures as to whether an attraction or relationship with women are healthy or not. There should never be any feelings of shame or desperation, fear of loss or pain anywhere.
Yep, men are the only truly lonely ones. They think they are all alone and no one else exists, they see everything just an object to be fucked by them. They can’t feel past violence and visceral stimulation. Men are lonely because they know they are pieces of shits, genetic mutations, parasites, and inferior. Their loneliness stems from their inability to truly relate, connect, love, nurture, communicate, understand, and share with other beings.They also can’t give life.
What they do is try to project their imperfections on women, so we will long for their colonization. Males are parasites naturally, and women are forced/tricked into being hosts.
I find the majority of lesbians harmful because they replicate heterosexuality, sado-masochistic relationship models, and can be very misogynistic and 100% male identified.
There is definitely a difference between a radical feminist lesbian and just a lesbian.
Oh well, I still had so much to say that I decided made a post out of it! Thanks for this inspiration. https://witchwind.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/reacting-to-skulldrixs-post-and-thinking-about-reclusive-separatism-vs-boundary-living-separatism/
wrt loneliness: yes, but I doubt men experience loneliness or separation the same way women do. Men don’t suffer from being separated from the universe and from life, it’s simply the way they are. And imposing their needs and their way of being on women means doing it through violence because there’s no other way women would submit to sexual violence and PIV, and since they are the ones doing the violence to suit their needs, the effects of this violence on women can’t be a direct imposition of what they feel. They’re trapped by this state of separation from life or something. The loneliness they impose on women is caused and generated by them but it isn’t a direct mirror copy or projection of what they feel because the experience of those subjected to men’s violence (oppressed women) is diametrically opposed to the experience of the men doing the violence.
Men have no idea what it’s like to be a cognitive minority of one, to be so alienated and to have the reality of one’s oppression and suffering so erased that they can’t even perceive it themselves any more. This is where our loneliness comes from, we’re not only separated and isolated from other women but we’re forcibly separated from ourselves, which means that even in presence of other women, we’ve been robbed of any means to communicate other than as vessels of female hatred. Men certainly don’t experience this because men aren’t oppressed, or certainly never in the way women are by men.
Yes, I agree. Men don’t give a shit about being alone and will never experience loneliness like women because they don’t care about anything but themselves, raping, killing, violence, and their dicks. And they are just so absolutely self absorbed that they are incapable of having connections with anything but themselves, while imposing themselves on every living being, their idea of isolation or loneliness is bullshit and incomparable to truly being ripped, raped, and kidnapped from oneself.
I’ve dated men who’ve had no friends and I was apparently their “best-friend”. But when they expectedly left me, it was incredibly easy for them because the entire relationship they were focused on the preservation of themselves, their sick desires, and I was an object for their usury/empowerment. Meanwhile, I was traumatized and hurt, they felt nothing and seemed to be completely absorbed in their own world of nothingness. Then I realized they never cared, and just wanted something fuck and use. They never wanted friends or companions, just people they could torture and use.
I think I worded my phrase about loneliness incorrectly. As radical feminists there are times we may feel lonely because we are outsiders of society, but that doesn’t mean we are alone or lonely. It’s natural to desire connections, but what men often tell women is that if they don’t have a man that they will be lonely, or to live against the patriarchy and reject maleness is to be lonely. Or to have a connection is to be exploited by the patriarchy or subordinate oneself to it, abandoning one’s inner feelings and performing for men’s ego in exchange for “company”, or men’s toxic and parasitical defined versions of love, friendship, romance, and appreciation.
But that is just another perspective, I see where your’s is coming from and it’s definitely closer to the truth about the complex subject of loneliness. Thanks for replying!
*correction: they *aren’t* trapped in a state of separation
yup, they are just parasitical mutants who experience sexual satisfaction to the destruction and entrapment of living beings.
to clarify, I agree with this: “They think they are all alone and no one else exists, they see everything just an object to be fucked by them. ” but this experience is incomparable to the excruciating isolation men force women into, which is really a form of torture. Men aren’t tortured by their loneliness, it’s the way they are. However they do have a sense of their inferiority to women because it’s impossible for them not to perceive the difference in capabilities between women and men. They have no idea what it feels like to be a woman though, it’s not like they felt it before, and miss it now. Though they do often express a sense of loss and separation.
Which they must hate us for, further driving their desire to kill us.
But also their loss and separation is completely at the fault of themselves. My father always complains about feeling isolated and unloved from his wife and daughters, but he obviously doesn’t know what isolation and love is. If he were being isolated we would have left his abusive ass, if he were being unloved my mother wouldn’t cook for him every night an watch tv with him. Father equates love with = worship, obedience, and submission. Because me and my sister openly resist his abuse and aren’t running to daddy’s arm’s after he laughs at our mother’s tears, means he’s some unloved victim. That’s the natural sociopathy of males.He openly degrades and hates women, and is incredibly verbally violent and has history of physical violence against my mother and us. He feels isolated when me and my mother and sister spend time together without him. That’s not true isolation. No one is forcing him away and we all make sure to establish that he is welcome to penetrate our home and space without trouble. He isolates us from bonding with ourselves and eachother, and escaping his rule.He isolates us from loving ourselves with his verbal degradation. He doesn’t love us. We are the unloved and isolated. My mother is so unloved and trapped by him she has to delude herself with christianity justify and accept his violence.
Men cry loneliness as an excuse, a ploy to get women. It’s part of their ego-maniacal reversals.But as I’ve experienced with the “loner” dudebro psychopath type myself, they aren’t suffering from it. Which I’m great you’ve pointed out.
You gals are so different from anything i have ever seen. I am still trying to wrap my mind around all of this. Although i dont think some of you language is very lady like, i get the point you are making. Do i need to abstain from all things that i have been trained to do. When do i stop shaving, do i need to stop wearing dresses or skirts, and what about bras? I have so many questions. Do i not use tampons anymore, or what? Where do i begin to become a separatist?
Greetings, Amanda! I am new here too, but have been lurking for awhile, absorbing some wisdom. Many of the questions you have are of a personal nature, and my advice would be to do what makes ***you*** most comfortable. Don’t let any man dictate your movements or appearance. I don’t wear a bra myself, because I’m not very well-endowed to begin with (despite much of my family being from the Pittsburgh area, and correspondingly very overweight).
It all just comes down to where you are in your personal journey of self-liberation. When I was younger, I didn’t care so much and went through much of the “beautification” rituals you refer to. But then as I got older, I became aware through several classes, friends and counseling sessions and realized that I had been traumatized through sexual slavery and also accidentally watching my father PIV rape my mother.in an extremely demeaning manner. Your own revelations and reclaiming of your identity can progress when you can recognize the oppression the female species undergoes on a second-by-second basis and includes everything from unequal pay to the rape culture of their demon-spitting penises.
And I won’t comment on tampons because that’s personal and a little icky-nasty. :)
I have had these feelings for some time, but just recently found this blog. And I’ll agree with sisterray. Do or wear what makes you comfortable. Don’t let some nothing-but-rape-on-the-mind man tell you what to do or wear. And always make sure that whatever your choice in clothing, that it is made by other women and not men. Otherwise, you are still being raped by men in a sense.
Well firstly I think you must understand all the facets of your oppression. Understand that gender is constructed. Men are essentially violent. And men created patriarchy to cater to their nature and subordinate women. Also patriarchy is the root of all oppressive systems in fact at the heart of all of them. There’s writing and authors I can give you to help get you started if you want.
Becoming separatist is a realization that women’s freedom can only be achieved through living without men, and when you are at this point you’ve usually realized that all other methods of reforming or working within men’s power systems, begging men , believing in the magic fairytale that men are socialized to be evil, and even compromising with men’s power will never liberate us or destroy patriarchy.
yes, the only time men ever complain about being lonely is when they can use it as a tactic to guilt-trip their victims, but it’s just a reversal, the abusers / oppressors posturing as victims to mindfuck their own victims.
I will never understand though how men can live with so little connection and empathy. I find it really chilling to think about. As women we often project our own feelings on men and can’t believe that they would think or feels things differently, whether from a social or biological perspective.
As I said before, i am somewhat new to rad-fem and don’t understnad all of it yet. but what is the stance on gay men? Are they as bad as straight men? worse?
I had a black boyfriend name Blake. He was the worst, he said “I’d do her” to every women he saw. He always said it made him moist. It made me bisexual like my neighbor Tom, who was an ace at giving me advice though.
Men truly are despicable. The last man I let inside me, before I broke the cultural brainwashing, was truly evil. We’ll call him Gen. He was a deacon at the church I went to at the time in Atlanta. We dated for 2 years. Of course it took an abusive turn. but that wasn’t the worse. The straw that broke the penis’ back, so to speak, was when I discovered his lust for underage girls. Sickening. It was the catalyst for my breaking away from both the church and men.
I can’t imagine how my mother took my father PIV.
please someone tell me what PIV means. I am so lost here.
PIV means Penis in Vagina “sex”. I put “sex” in quotation marks because PIV is inherently violent and can only be experienced as purely sexual to men. For women, it’s an invasive and threatening act.
ok, so, you are saying that PIV sex is rough sex, or generally only for a minute-man type experience, right? I often do enjoy a rough kind of thrashing though. Is that programmed into me? I mean, as long as it is long enough for me to get off, i like getting a good cramming, and often enjoy the satisfied soreness that follows. So what other types of sex do you have categorized other than PIV?
Amanda, PIV sex is rough by definition. It’s like the grinding of a jackhammer against delicate flower petals. The ripping, tearing, grinding of flesh is hideously painful, and womyn must always “heal” afterward, just as they would any other kind of trauma. The psychological scarring is a good deal worse, and many womyn can’t bear to even be around a man, though are forced to, because society is so ordered by gross men.
If you think you enjoy PIV sex, then you are not yet sufficiently self-aware of the problem. Not saying you need an intervention or a switch to lesbianism or anything of the sort, but maybe it’s time to reconsider your priorities. If you’re confused about whether or not a particular sexual experience is truly hurtful of your dignity as a woman, then please to be describing it to us. (I don’t know how graphic you’re allowed to be on this site, but it’s rad-fem, so go for it.)
Oral sex on a man is nearly as bad as PIV rape in my opinion.
I too still feel the stirrings in my loins when I think aout erect penises, eben though mind is disgusted. And I just simply do not feel any sexual feeling towards other women. I have experimented in the past with lesbianism. It is much more sensual and loving. The other woman isn’t satisfied until both of you are. Unlike men, who only care about shooting their load, usually wanting to “pull out” to avoid pregnancy. That is a fallacy. Men just get an extra bit of gratification by dehumanizing women by finishing on our stomachs, or worse, face. I am ashamed to admit I too felt a level of satisfaction from allowing a man to ejaculate on my face. The warm stickiness in my hair and perhaps getting into my mouth. But now I know that is nothing but the brainwashing I recieved my entire life from men and, sad to say, less enlightened women.
ok sisterray, so i had one lover, he was a well hung German man. His name was Peter Gohlzenstien, but i gave him the last name of Gozintite. Although he was swinging a foot long Bratwurst, he was extremely gentle and loving. I would often have to beg him to punish me with his member. Yet he would only extend the experience by slowly manipulating his giant member in different ways. He was one of my favorites.
It wasnt until months later i found out he was married, with kids. I hate men.
OUCH! You make my brain hurt just reading that. I hope you are exaggerating, because he sounds like a classic brute. He probably lorded it over you like he was doing you a favor too. That you think you liked it is okay. You’ve been well-and-truly coerced such that even the pleasure centers in your brain have been tricked into believing it feels “good” to have his massive pain-stick in your vagina or bootyhole.
If you’re here, then you’re in the beginning stages of embracing rad-fem, and understanding. It’s not an overnight process, and I’ll be the first to admit that I sometimes irrational, weepy-eyes and turn into a monster bitch over men about once a month.
Witchwind, that is a very interesting name. Is it too much to ask where you arrived at that? It has such a feeling of strength and infinite power. I need to be something like pixiebreeze until i get my mind properly focused. This is not going to be easy.
That’s obviously trained. Something sexually pleasing and good for you should not cause soreness or be an act of violence. Think about what you are saying. You are saying you enjoy being “crammed”, treated roughly, and pain. Women are socialized to view piv as sex, inevitable, our duty, and an act of love. When someone invades your body and utilizes your reproductive organs for their own satisfaction this isn’t good. We’ve been socialized to see it as fun or enjoyable so we can let men steal our reproductive labor to pass on their y genes and be their fuckholes.
PIV is not categorized as sex to us, it’s a form of rape. It’s only sex for men, for they are the ones who are empowered and experience satisfaction from it.
Rough PIV is normalized through pornography and porn culture. Since PIV is purely pain for us that we have trained to feel is sexual, it makes sense that as one’s sexual encounters progresses rough PIV is more stimulating for the woman. Like drugs. When you first do them you are completely sensitive to them, but as you do more you need MORE to feel something. PIV in fact acts like a drug with it’s disasociative feelings produced by it, which is why women think they enjoy it.
PIV is not sex. And it’s kind of pointless to try to question meaningful differences between rough PIV and one minute PIV. It’s still rape, whether he thrusts your internal organs harder and harder for a long time, or only does it for a minute if that’s what you mean.
Sis, there is no way i let anything in my dumper. That is an exit only. I know i have a long way to go, and thankfully there is a place like this for women to gather. I feel like NEO in the matrix when he gets disconnected from the machine. Being flushed into awareness, and snatched from the muck by the claw of reality.
Oh my apologies, I was probably transferring the shame of my experience onto you with that suggestion. I didn’t mean anything by it. When I was 19, a rather large man- a guy in the soccer fraternity that I had been dating shoved his foul monstrous wang into my butthole. It wasn’t something that we’re prepared for as girls growing up, and I had never screamed so hard. I swore off alcohol for weeks after that.
As for movies, I could never watch something as egregiously male and violent as the Matrix. Movies with tons of male characters, with perhaps only a token female and lots of guns are just offensive to me now. (Really, is there anything more phallic in nature than a gun?). The more violence and shooting, the more disgustingly male-centric it is. A move that had giant fighting robot machines shooting at each other would probably be the worst entertainment imaginable- something probably two gay men would “swordfight” over how much they enjoyed it.
I find no pleasure in day to day routines. Men always staring at me makes me angry and scared and sad.
I remember when I was little a man who nicknamed himself Pops (I think his last name was Wolf and I think his first initial was an E but can’t remember for sure) raped me. He made me put an adult diaper on him while he told me I was a babe, then made me smother him in lotion before working out. I cried so hard but he just would not stop! But what is sad is that I loved him! When I got older he stopped returning my calls and I’ve felt empty ever since. I need my new sisters to help.
I was only raped by a black man once. I was terrified, and he whispered in my ear,” If you don’t do as i say i will get you banned for life.” I have never told anyone this before. He violated me in every way imaginable, and i wish i would have just bitten his tiny little dick off when i had the chance. I remember he was wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey, with the number 881 on it, which didn’t make sense. I am thankful that even there was PIV, MIV and AIV violations, there was no damage done physically. He was never apprehended, and it was mostly because i felt sorry for him in the end, and didn’t tell the authorities. He was literally hung like an elevator button.
Oh dear, so sorry to hear that, Amanda. I had big Mandingo penis jammed into me and it was too big and hurt like hell. That was the day I decided to up my game in the Rad-Fem community and now all I have are my cats and Sibyan.
AM i the only one that keeps watching the Africa Bamabada looking godess on the side of screen when scrolling, and waiting for her to move like in a stop action picture show?