1
27
28

Regarding the /r/AdviceAnimals poster whose wife cheated on him and gave birth to a black baby and his choice not to raise it (self.SRSDiscussion)

Information_Stationによる前の投稿

sorted by:
best
best
トップ
新着
注目
論争中
古い順
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

It's an extremely selfish action by the man here to not want to raise the child. It doesn't matter whether or not it's yours, what matters is what impact you can have on the child's life. Quite frankly, if he doesn't stay the course he will have a significant financial and emotional negative impact on his son. If he abandons the child, it's likely that another man won't stay and take his place. He has this child's life in his hands and he's making the affirmative decision to throw it away.

Pathetic.

[–]Allthethrowawaysq [score hidden] 前

It's like, I feel like there is no way you're not trolling. Why are you assuming that the child's actual father wouldn't raise him? Because he's black?

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

I assumed it's because the biological (not "actual father," since that term is frequently used to denigrate adoptive children and parents) father it outside of the picture at this point. Sorry if I was incorrect in assuming that.

EDIT: You post to /r/tumblrinaction. Why did I bother wasting one of my replies on you?...

[–]Allthethrowawaysq [score hidden] 前

And? I think Tumblrinaction is pretty freaking gross, but I enjoy going to the sub, the same way I enjoy SRS. I'm interested in the SJ community, I identify as a feminist, and I think you're anger with that guy is way misplaced. I don't understand why you're not holding the biological father to the same standard.

I'm not going to go through your post history and determine what type of person you are, if your worthy of my time, or any other judgmental shit. I'm here for a discussion in good faith, which I was under the impression was the point of this sub. I used to be a total shitlord, and I have truly wanted to embrace this community, but I've honestly had enough. This place is kinda gross.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Don't worry about them, they're a massive douchebag. They're being consistently called out.

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

being consistently called out
this makes them wrong

but that's some populist bullshit doe

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

everyone disagrees with me so I must be right!

- You right now

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[–]Allthethrowawaysq [score hidden] 前

Go fuck yourself.

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

Civil.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

You might want to try taking your own advice. You drove off someone trying to discuss by virtue of being a massive unreasonable ass for no justifiable fucking reason.

Are you fucking proud of yourself? Do you really think you're presenting the social justice movement in a positive light? Do you think this is helping anything?

(Spoiler: you shouldn't be, you're not, and it isn't.)

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

I'm not going to censor myself to appeal to people who want to be coddled. It's a big mean world out there. I don't want to present the social justice movement "positively" if it means being subservient to majority opinions.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

I can respect that rejection of a hugbox. Sometimes bluntness is needed. But you've convinced no one of anything, driven someone who was interested in discussing social justice away, and generally made yourself out to be an asshole blind to the privilege of a functional, trust-filled parental relationship by rejecting the idea that any other kind of two-parent relationship could exist. By my estimations, you are an asshole, and a rather dim one at that. Congratulations.

[–]cre1des [score hidden] 前

He has this child's life in his hands and he's making the affirmative decision to throw it away.

This goes for every person in the first world who doesn't give almost all their money to starving children too though.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Good point. By their own standards of human decency, they fail.

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

Default for man: stay with woman and child.
Non-default for man: leave woman and child.

Default for first worlder: keep their money in their pocket.
Non-default for first worlder: empty their pockets.

See how that works?

[–]cre1des [score hidden] 前

I don't understand at all. You're essentially saying that it's ok for us to abandon children and leave them starving in the third world purely because we aren't related to them. I don't see how this situation is any different to the man leaving the cheating wife. If anything its much, much worse, since being the child of a single mother in the first world isn't much of a handicap compared to being a completely abandoned child in India, for example.

It doesn't matter whether or not it's yours, what matters is what impact you can have on the child's life.

So it doesn't matter if you're related to that child in India or not, what matters is the impact you could have on that child's life. By not giving away all your money to starving Indian children you are throwing all their lives away (and unlike the first-world child, they will probably actually die because of your decision). I'm not even asking you to raise the child. I'm just asking you to give most of your money to starving children all over the world, who would benefit enormously. Basically you're making the affirmative decision to starve these children.

[–]SapphireAndIce [score hidden] 前

I would argue that the default for a man whose wife has just admitted to cheating on him multiple times and gave birth to a child that is not his is definitely not to stay with her and raise the child

[–]maxvdub [score hidden] 前

do you say the same thing about people who give their children up for adoption?

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

Adoptive parents are screened heavily, and if given to a good family will almost certainly live a better life than with the parents who want to give them up. This is a separate case. The father has the choice to either give his child economic and emotional stability that a two-parent household confers, or abandon him to a single mother who was accustomed to a family's income.

I don't mean to denigrate single mothers with my post, but it's inarguable that a child will have a better life with a single mother who is capable of earning an income suitable for a family or a two-parent household with a larger income instead of a single mother who was until recently accustomed to having another breadwinner.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Do you really think this two-parent relationship would be stable? He obviously resents and mistrusts her and he has every reason to. Do you think this is gonna be good for the kid?

And why should the husband have to sacrifice his life to a loveless relationship for the sake of a living reminder of his wife's betrayl? As far as I'm concerned, he's guiltless. If the mother wanted him to stay with her, she should have acted in accordance to basic fucking human decency and not cheated.

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

The person who decides the stability of this relationship at this point is the father. He currently holds all of the cards, tragic as it may be. He can decide whether to abandon her or whether to stay with her, and whether or not any relationship he has with the wife is healthy or not.

He's currently "guiltless" as you say, but I wouldn't consider him guiltless is he decides to abandon an innocent child. Simplifying a child to a "living reminder of betrayal" is quite frankly barbaric.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

But that's what the kid is, like it or not. They're a reminder of the fact that his wife values herself far, far more than him. It's entirely his right to leave.

And believe me, even if he stays there will be no stability. That is a guarantee. I have seen relationships crumble over less.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Why should he be obligated to stay with a woman who violated the terms of their relationship and betrayed his trust? And if he did, do you think this would create a healthy environment for the kid to grow up in? He has every reason in the world to resent her; that won't create a stable home life.

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

Foremost, one of the key terms of any relationship is sexually satisfying your partner. It's obvious that in this scenario the man broke a key term of the relationship (being a poor lover) before the woman "broke" one. (seeking out sexual satisfaction outside of a cold bedroom)

It's not about "obligation" to the woman, it's about the child. A frequent theme in Reddit is using every means available (including but also excluding physical violence) to exact revenge on women, and this would include "letting the child rot" in a single-parent household. I honestly see the child's best needs at the forefront, and Reddit sees this as an opportunity to exact sweet revenge on a woman who didn't do as she was told.

I certainly feel the stability two parents can provide is superior to one just one parent can provide in majority cases, and this will be almost assured if the man here can get over himself and accept that the child needs a father more than he needs vengeance.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

You're a troll. You have to be. If not, I feel sorry for any partner of yours, since you have demonstrated a willingness to callously and selfishly hurt them.

Yes, sexual fulfillment is part of a relationship. But if you're not getting enough, you talk to your partner about it and come to work out something better - an agreement on when you'll have sex or an open relationship or whatever. If that doesn't fix it, you leave the relationship. You do not, under any circumstances, go behind your partner's back, betray their trust, and cheat. Period. No exceptions. The fault lies completely with her.

And again, the father does not trust her. The father cannot trust her. She has given him no reason to trust her, and every reason not to. If they were to stay together and try to raise the kid, they would expose the child to a broken, unhealthy, and thoroughly dysfunctional relationship. This is not a good upbringing! The poor kid is better off being exposed to no parental bond than one filled with hate and resentment.

And really, why do you think the father is unjustified in looking out for his own feelings? She selfishly hurt him, and it is not right to ask him to sacrifice the rest of his life (or at least the next eighteen years of it, till the kid is an adult) to her.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Actually, to add to that, you have no way of knowing they weren't having sex on a regular basis - though either way my points still stand.

But if not, a) two wrongs don't make a right and b) no one is obligated to have sex if they don't want to. That is called martial rape.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Third thing: let's play the role reversal game! Let's say the wife wouldn't put out as often as the husband wanted, so he went out and had sex with other women behind her back. Would you be okay with that?

[–]Shitty_Theorycraftin [score hidden] 前

False equivalency. In that scenario the child would be well provided for, as the father and mother are both in the picture. Remember, this isn't about your punishment vengeance bullshit. This is about the needs of the child.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Also that'll teach me not to check user histories next time. Congratulations, ruseman, you are le master trole. Sorry you couldn't get a bunch of people to agree with you, turns out SRS aren't a bunch of talking staw(wo)men.

Ethan Frome tag stays, though. I like it.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

So basically you have no idea how trust works, or how relationships work. Gotcha. I think I'm done here.

[–]Canama [score hidden] 前

Also, I'm RES tagging you as "Ethan Frome" because your ideas about cheating are about the same as his, and equally terrible. And he made himself a burden on his faithful wife just as you think this woman should. Very appropriate literary allusion, I think. Thought someone might appreciate it.