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Every time I listen to a friend talk through a problem in their life I have this thought... (i.imgur.com)

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[–]FlurmTurdburglar 252 ポイント253 ポイント 前

I wonder about this all the time.... Aannnd I just did it and now I'm pretty sure you all think I'm a self-centered prick.

[–]grrrriggs 88 ポイント89 ポイント 前

What an asshole

[–]KStreetFighter2 40 ポイント41 ポイント 前

Seriously, what's with this guy?

[–]i_roast_my_own_beans 7 ポイント8 ポイント 前

Are you Okay?

[–]nat5ndotcom 26 ポイント27 ポイント 前

Are you fucking sorry!?

[–]mq999 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

Chokes back tears

[–]ashkan101 14 ポイント15 ポイント 前

I took an intercultural communications course as a GE in undergrad. I remember one of our readings was specifically about the conversational styles of men and women. As it turns out, when expressing a problem to men, men tend to think of and express a solution as their contribution to the conversation. Women, on the other hand, would simply reply with a similar experience about the same problem.

SO technically there's no right or wrong, you just need to know what the other person's looking for from you: a solution or a shoulder to cry on.

[–]Pannecake 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

Wow I was doing that the other day with my girlfriends. One of my best friends is having trouble with her narcissistic mother living with her abs her fiance. I must be a little manly and told her what to do by sharing what I did.

[–]but_I_poo_from_ 17 ポイント18 ポイント 前

Every single time I am with my group of friends if I am the third person to contribute something they basically ignore me and I am focusing on one person who is nice enough to give two shits about what I say. Sheesh.

[–]da-sein 14 ポイント15 ポイント 前

They sound like wonderful friends!

[–]MarvinTheAndroid42 6 ポイント7 ポイント 前

I hear ya, it's stupid. I make a point of being that one person if somebody gets ignored.

[–]frothy-when-agitated 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

You're a good man.

[–]MeticulousMarauder 5 ポイント6 ポイント 前

my group of friends

[–]Cupcake-Warrior 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

group of friends

Yeah, I totally have a group of friends. cries

[–]Cupcake-Warrior 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

Hey, I'll be your friend!

[–]RashRider 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

You should join tumblr

[–]greenyellowbird 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

Unless you are trying to top/hijack a persons story with your own (ya so my mom died last we--oh well my dog died yesterday....so let's just talk about that)....its sometimes okay.

Sometimes its good to just let the person speak about their problem and be a ssounding board.

[–]Kpulido315 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

Life isn't always about you Flurm

[–]Zbignich 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

You made me recall an occasion where I felt like that. Someone commented on a personal experience, and someone else commented on it. I added to that with my own personal experience, and thought "I'm turning this conversation around ado now it's about me. I should stop being such a selfish prick".

[–]DIARHEA_BUBBLE_BATH 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

In this situation the best approach is to genuinely listen to the story, nod and talk about his/her problem, like saying how much this must suck and you wish it'll better or try to offer a solution and then you can transition to your experience.

You won't sound selfish and it would come naturally in the conversation, hell people will like you for it because you showed true interest for the problem and seems to know what your are talking about as you have lived something similar.

[–]kobekramer1 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

Ok I guess I'll ask into the subject ......annnnnd I'm being invasive.

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    [–]CruiseBiscuits 10 ポイント11 ポイント 前

    ALL HAIL AUTOMOD.

    [–]xr3llx 3 ポイント4 ポイント 前

    It's a shame that these comments get deleted instead of edited; surely its our duty to point and laugh by now.

    [–]Lobo2ffs 76 ポイント77 ポイント 前

    This reminds me of a story I read in Reader's Digest 15 years ago. Someone got a call from their friend that started talking about some accident that had happened on the highway and how they were very close to becoming involved in it. Just before the person that got the call started talking, the caller said "By the way, thank you for not giving me your best highway story. It was nice talking to you, bye."

    Some times people just want to share their story, without feeling like the other person is trying to one up them with their own similar story.

    [–]GermanPanda 23 ポイント24 ポイント 前

    Read a story in Reader's Digest 15 years ago...hmmm.
    You are either 87 years old or you were in the military.

    [–]Lobo2ffs 17 ポイント18 ポイント 前

    I'm 28, but my father had a subscription to it. I was also an avid reader of Guinness Book of World Records!

    [–]Frigidevil 3 ポイント4 ポイント 前

    Reader's Digest is prime reading material for extended visits to the porcelain throne.

    [–]Im_why_Waldos_hiding 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Readers Digest was the #1 choice in our house for "What to read while you #2".

    [–]DefconDelta88 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    They made us read that shit when I was in middle school. And then write a paper on one of the articles. Every fucking thursday for the entirety of seventh grade. Which is reasonably about 15 years ago. Maybe op is one of my unlucky classmates. ;)

    [–]yumedono 6 ポイント7 ポイント 前

    This is excellent advice! Maybe not every situation, but there are so many times when people just want to vent and the right thing to do is just listen.

    [–]Lobo2ffs 4 ポイント5 ポイント 前

    It definitely depends on the situation. Some times it would be best if you shared something about yourself, other times it's best not to.

    One advice I remember is that if your SO comes to you with a problem, you don't always have to come up with a solution. If she's just venting about something that happened at work, going "Well why don't you just do this thing to solve the problem?" can be a very effective way of making it worse.

    [–]snc311 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    Yeah, but then you have those friends that always want to tell you their story but never want to listen to yours. I get tired of one-way conversations.

    [–]johnavel 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    With a crazy / "wow" story, you only share your own with a close friend, family member, or SO. Because then it's assumed you want to hear each other stories.

    But when I share a problem or tough time with anyone, it has almost saved my life to hear about a time someone else went through something similar. It makes me feel less hopeless. If you're depressed or heartbroken, a story from someone else about a hard time can help get your mind off its singular focus and give you insight, comfort, and perspective.

    [–]DressyVermin 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    God quit trying to bring the conversation to yourself, gosh.

    [–]Lobo2ffs 3 ポイント4 ポイント 前

    Thanks for not sharing your favourite Reader's Digest story.

    [–]DefconDelta88 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I just don't understand the 'one up' mentality towards that kind of communication. I mean, yeah, I get the one-up shit like "WELL ONE TIME I DRANK FOUR KEGS" kind of shit, but from what I've observed in the sense we are referring to, people just want to share their similar experience to help impart a more dynamic view or share what they learned, or help that person see they understand on a more intimate level what their friend is going through because of a similar event.

    I think people just get too hot and bothered with things. It's a human reaction to share experiences. Sometimes people just want to be listened to, but there's no reason to be irritated by that kind of response, considering we all do it, no exceptions.

    [–]koproller 59 ポイント60 ポイント 前

    People are very good in noticing your motivation. If you redirect the conversation toward yourself because you rather talk about yourself, most people will notice.
    But most of the time, your own experience is the only thing you have.

    [–]apples2R 21 ポイント22 ポイント 前

    While your own experience is the only thing you have, I think it needs to be said that you don't always need to add those experiences to the conversation. Sometimes it is best just to listen.

    Just saying "I am really sorry you had to go through that" or "when ___ happened that must have been really hard for you" is often a better response than saying "I know what you mean, I felt the same way when..."

    Sometimes relating personal experience can be comforting, but in my opinion people tend to do this too much when the focus of the conversation should really stay on the experience of the person in distress.

    [–]harrythepineapple 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    I have a hard time not sharing t experience bc I want to help them feel that they're not alone, however very careful not to say thinks like "I know how you feel". Bc everyone's experience is unique to their existence, so instead I try to say "I know it's not the safe but when I was experiencing ___ I felt like ___. How is it for you?"

    EDIT: crap did I just do it too?

    [–]2beers2deep 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    Really good advice. This is what a good therapist does.

    [–]clubswithseals 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    "sorry if that story was a little heavy"

    "I'm just speechless, I just wouldn't wish that upon anyone; let alone you."

    [–]gwsteve43 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Eh personally I think we tend to put too much emphasis on people's subjective experience. It is very rare that you will experience something that other people haven't experienced as well to some degree, I think that when we put so much emphasis on the importance of it being MY story that we lose a lot of perspective.

    Whether the story being related is about personal tragedy or triumph I think that when people don't want others to share their own similar experiences just to be heard and left at that, it is because of an overinflated sense of self importance. It presumes that there is actually something particularly remarkable about your experience when for the listener such an experience may be commonplace. I think being reminded that the vast majority of our trials and tribulations are not unique is only distressing because it runs counter to the modern western idea that each person is the hero of their own story and that story is the greatest story ever told.

    [–]Zeig9 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    Really, what else could you do? Talk about experiences you haven't had?

    [–]pm_me_please 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    You mean like..goals? and aspirations?

    [–]xr3llx 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    Goals; fantasies. Aspirations; fetishes. Tomato..uh..tomato? Shit.

    [–]colgaf 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Yeah but you share those with everyone and if you do a little bit of research (like I'd assume you would if you want to reach those goals) you're just all reporting on how other people got there.

    [–]pandott 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    It's kind of a delicate balance between contributing something relevant to the conversation versus hijacking it. On the other hand I've had plenty of "friends" who write off/don'thear/ignore the things I say even if they're highly relevant to the conversation, so YMMV.

    [–]kewly 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    If your goal is to be a sympathetic listener and/or flatter the speaker, you can ask a question about some detail of their story, or express empathy(i.e. "Wow you must have been really happy/angry/frightened")

    This is the conversation technique least likely to make one look self-centered.

    [–]zforeversleeping 10 ポイント11 ポイント 前

    I think it all depends how relevant it is. If someone's dealing with something and you went through the EXACT SAME THING you should talk about it, although don't talk about it for too long, get to the point.

    [–]injendsm 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Exactly. Wait until they're done with their story before segueing into your own anecdote and you'll typically avoid any issues.

    [–]eninc 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Sometimes it feels like one-upmanship.

    [–]jbeck12 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I like to finish my story with a question about the details of their story.

    "Then the tornado disappeard, but my daughter was safe... so did you see anything unusual about the clown's hair?"

    It shows you care about their story, and just trying to just estabilish that you understand and connect to their emotions.

    [–]TantricEmu 26 ポイント27 ポイント 前

    Not sure if you saw that other post on /r/tumblr worded nealy verbatim and reposted it in meme form or....

    Yeah that's what happened.

    [–]mintska 5 ポイント6 ポイント 前

    unfortunately this has happened a lot lately

    [–]mrmerrbs 3 ポイント4 ポイント 前

    *everyday

    [–]xtremeschemes 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Hourly*

    [–]vvyn 4 ポイント5 ポイント 前

    It probably is.

    [–]TomPalmer1979 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Not sure if you're mad that they did it, or mad that you didn't do it first...

    [–]stardate8128 5 ポイント6 ポイント 前

    I think it's a matter of if you're able to keep it relatively short, and can share what you learned from it, or simply express your sympathy using your own experience. It's when some people dive into their own story, and decide it's okay to rant about their own lives, what makes it self-centered. From what I've experienced, as long as you keep it short, AND you wait for them to finish letting out their story, or emotions first, it's okay.

    [–]MeticulousMarauder 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    [–]LicianDragon 6 ポイント7 ポイント 前

    I worry about this all the time! I try not to mention anything unless I can use in a "I've been there and gotten through it" sorta thing and hope whatever I did will work for them as well.

    [–]Nova_Jake 3 ポイント4 ポイント 前

    This is why I never talk...

    [–]LackaLack 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    Why are you so quiet!?!?!?

    [–]rockthemike712 3 ポイント4 ポイント 前

    People don't really want their problems solved

    [–]I_make_milk 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Exactly. Because then they have no excuses left, and nobody to blame but themselves.

    [–]DXXL13 6 ポイント7 ポイント 前

    http://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/22tijv/am_i_being_rude/

    *Every time you read the front page

    [–]Moogs9 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    As long as it's relevant and you get to the point quickly, I think it's okay. That's what I always try to take note of when I do it, and that's what I notice when other people do it.

    [–]ADallasC 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    Really wish my girlfriend would even consider this thought.

    I don't mind it when it's just me, I don't talk that much anyhow and I enjoy listening to her sometimes. But when one of our friends is having a problem and is telling us about it and whatnot, she seriously can't stop talking about her own experiences and just listen to theirs.

    [–]motorsizzle 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Mine too, very annoying.

    [–]cinnamontree 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    Repost?

    [–]toointerested 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I wonder about this, especially when it comes to relationship issues.

    [–]spladarpidus 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    I find it helpful to contribute my own personal stories as long as they are relevant and as long as I can bring it back to relate to what they were saying.

    [–]0000000000_ 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    You're exhibiting empathy and you're letting your friend know that you're doing so. As long as you make that connection and then get back to your friend, you are doing it right.

    [–]neomonz 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    It really depends on the mood of the conversation but overall if they are just trying to vent then being there and truly listening is the best thing you should do. Being a good listener also makes it easier when you try to share an experience since it is easier for the person to listen after they have been able to sort their own issue out.

    [–]ForeverJung 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    One helpful tip: always ask yourself "why am I sharing this- for my benefit or for theirs?"

    If you understand your motivation for sharing, there's probably a good chance you'll make the right choice.

    [–]TheCory 2 ポイント3 ポイント 前

    Experiences

    FTFY

    [–]drunk_injun 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Thank you. That was bothering me as well.

    [–]zeeveener 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    I don't suppose you also have a Tumblr account?

    http://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/22tijv/am_i_being_rude/

    [–]A72inchchin 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    Here is a guide, most people who want to talk about thier problems want to talk about it to either get it off their chest, or to verbalise it all because it helps them deal with it or the keyboard it through. If they ask you things like "does that make sense to you?" or "I just don't know what to do" then they are looking for more input and would probably welcome your thoughts. If you are unsure use statements like, "I know of how you feel I had a similar thing happen to me. Or that's really tough, I think know this..... Or even go one step further and ask them if they want to hear your thoughts or advice. If it's more of a relaxed conversation then give a quick overview of your story, if people ask you about it they are Interested and you can expand. As long as you make an effort to listen to people and ask them questions about thier stories and thoughts you can relax that you are not dominating the conversation or being self centred. If you are really paranoid or have a big problem with this then simply wait to be asked for your thoughts and opinions.

    [–]CupcakesDude 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    People do this all the time in normal conversations. If it's well-intended it won't appear self centered unless you keep talking about yourself.

    Just a tip if you want to avoid situations like these: silence is the best way to contribute to a conversation. People feel awkward about silence and whenever someone is talking to you about their problems and you just stay silent they will eventually just keep on talking. They get to say what they want to say, they feel respected and listened to and you don't need to worry about feeling self centered. Win-win.

    [–]FA-30734 1 ポイント2 ポイント 前

    From a counseling perspective, this two-way sharing makes a person less able to tell their own story, and often down to our (conscious or unconscious) desire to have our needs met.

    By not jumping in to your own story, you'll make that person feel more heard and they'll feel a stronger connection with you. Self-disclosure should be used sparingly at best.

    [–]Xercesblu3 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I just think you can't spell "experienced"

    [–]manbear666 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    If your story is similar and the outcome is positive then share it, if your story has a lot of details a negative outcome then you're attention whoring.

    [–]erma_maggard 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    So glad to know I am not the only one who wonders this ALL the time.

    [–]supersod 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I always find it difficult when dealing with someone who has just had a beloved pet pass away. I didn't have pets growing up, but can appreciate how they truly become members of the family. So I just try to listen, otherwise I am like "Yeah I totally know how you feel. I had three goldfish when I was 5, 'Moe, Larry & Curly.' They died after one day because I fed them too much. It was pretty brutal."

    [–]Hyphnip 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Talking about personal experiences helps your friend know that you have an idea what you're talking about and helps them know they're not alone.

    [–]SarcasticPosts -1 ポイント0 ポイント 前

    I'm sure glad you took the time to post this...

    [–]BoboTheTalkingClown 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I like to talk about other people's problems more than I like to talk about my own...

    [–]0zymandias_ 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I think the difference between providing personal insight and making yourself the topic of conversation depends on if you actually are providing any advice vs. just making comments about yourself. I have a friend who every time I have a problem, he just tells me about how he either has that problem or not and than proceeds to talk about his own experience, but doesn't actually help me out with my problem.

    [–]BetterWhenImDrunk 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    If you are spending most of the time their talking, thinking of what personal story to link it to, you are not really listening. I always try and turn my brain off and stare at them to absorb the story. Then I remember I'm a dude and offer them shots, but that's just me.

    [–]btoxic 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    ...then you run the risk of being the person who doesn't offer advice.... damned if you do, damned if you don't.... ( I've worried about it as well...)

    [–]uwotm666 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    you literally just copied this off r/tumblr

    [–]solaronzim 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    All you can do is put your hand on their shoulder and give them comfort. When they calm down, give them a story with a neatly packaged moral to it that they can hold onto in their time of need.

    Then try to sell them as much penny stock as you can push.

    [–]evboat 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Just did that this morning. Shit again. It's a loop.

    [–]Viperbunny 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Exactly. I want to show I can understand, but I'm not trying to make it about me.

    [–]SupremeSiv 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Ya I think about this a lot. One time I was on Reddit and I saw another post like this and I was like "ya I do that." And then I was like..... Oh no it's happening again!

    [–]patefoisgras 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    It's the only way people know to relate to one another. Though I've learned from experience to do it only moderately. Ranting people aren't really interested in anything but their problems.

    [–]RolandsSh 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    So, could you tell me more about your experinces?

    [–]Dalisca 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Depends on the situation. If they're just venting, getting something off their chest then the only reason to share your similar story is to communicate that, yes, they are speaking with someone who can relate, which could be comforting. If they're going over a problem with you and seeking solutions then your story might help provide some perspective.

    [–]timbenj77 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    If a friend is talking about a problem they're having, active listening is usually the way to go. If you truly have some worthwhile insight/advice that is relevant - then go ahead and share it. But if your friend is a woman, don't talk. Women don't want you to solve their problem, they just want someone to listen. Generally speaking.

    [–]brinnswf[🍰] 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    It's all about a balance. I've found best approach is just asking good questions that will try to prod them into looking at it with a different perspective that is more neutral or positive.

    [–]Dogplease 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    ITT: people sharing their own experiences about sharing their own experiences.

    [–]Nuguns21 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    i dont think talking about yourself while somebody else is talking about their problem is rude or self centered. it shows that you may understand more than they realize. also i believe replies should have an equality to them, equal to the others statement, but from your perspective. because what other perspective will you be seeing sometime soon, not yours?

    [–]jertrack 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I find that people do this very often in an attempt to empathize with someone. They pull from their own experiences to make them feel like they're not alone in their struggle or situation. I don't think it's self-centered, it's actually kind of a nice way to show someone else you care, and are trying to put yourself in their shoes.

    [–]Kirjath 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I do this with my wife. It took my a long time to realize that the way for me to be helpful is the 80/20 rule.

    • 80% of the time, someone, everyone, just wants to be heard and have someone else know their problems. At the end of it, they want someone else to say, "Wow, that sucks, I'm sorry about that." You can say "I know exactly what you mean", but don't tell them why you know exactly what they mean unless they ask. And repeat back what the crux of the problem is, in your own words. This is crucial.

    • 20% of the time, they want advice. And lots of times this advice comes form your own personal experiences. In that case, say "I think I hear you saying that you have a a problem with bitchass Susan in accounting. When this happened to me, I did punched that cunt out. It worked for me."

    I had it reversed. I thought being a good listener meant helping every single time and it doesn't. It really doesn't.

    People just want someone to listen and care about them. In a good relationship, this happens both ways; you both give 80/20.

    [–]donanobis 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Glad I'm not the only one. I have secret fear that all of my friends hate me sometimes because I do this so much without realizing it. I just have a lot of social anxiety and sometimes I'm not sure how to respond to someone without relating what they said to something similar that I've experienced. I think it's the easiest way for me to give advice if I can recall how I've handled similar situations. Like others have said though, there's a time and a place, it's not always easy to tell though...

    [–]n0xin 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I used to think of it as self-centered; then one day I realized: that's how I show I care. I don't often open up to people, so when I do, it's because I trust them, and because I think what I'm talking about is relevant to what they're talking about. Instead of directly addressing their statement, I share my own thought or experience as a response.

    [–]pass_the_BOWE 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    This always makes me think of an Elliott Smith line:

    "And everyone is a fucking pro and they've all got answers from trouble they've known, and they all gotta say what you should and shouldn't do though they don't have a clue."

    [–]TeamDeath 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    you are making it about you which isnt listening and makes you seem like you just want to talk about yourself rather then listen to them.. and they may not want advice just someone to complain to

    [–]brenan85 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    When people tell me stories about their kids, i always have related stories about my dogs.. I'm always torn on whether or not i can mention it.. It's uncanny how similar raising young kids and dogs are.

    [–]stupidfaceeater 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    ditto. it's hard to know. just think of it like this. how do you feel when you are sharing feelings and someone else chimes in. sometimes you feel good because they can relate and may have good advice. sometimes you want them to shut up so you can keep talking. it works both ways.

    [–]andy18s 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I worry I'm pushing away my closest friend like this.

    [–]GranpasMedicine 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I would worry about this too, I'm a missionary and a human rights worker so a lot of different people spill their guts out to me. What I do now is before I speak, I preface that I'm going to relate a personal account not to make it about me, but so that they can feel that I understand and can relate on their level.

    I then proceed to make a quick personal statement or recount something that happened to me (if I am able to, I can't always relate to people's problems), then reconnect parallels between what I faced and what they're facing. I try to make it brief, then follow it up with a question or a statement to get them to build off what we just covered.

    [–]Methuus 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I wonder too! Just throw in enoughs "I understand what you're going through" and after an example from your own life "So I know this must be hard for you experience".

    [–]Proteus_Zero 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    If you have the self-awareness for this to cross your mind, then you're probably not being self-centered.

    [–]littlemzla 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Yup

    [–]TheDestroyerOfWords 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    As long as what you say relates to their story and you can empathise and link it to their experience. Otherwise you just direct the conversation to yourself, which is not on.

    [–]bicameral_mind 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I don't give fuck. If you're gonna come in here and make me listen to your problems, I'm gonna say whatever the fuck I want. I have problems of my own and I don't go around "sharing" them because no one fucking cares.

    [–]Tanks4me 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    In my case, I do as best as I can to help them as I try to relate my issues to theirs and by showing them how I dealt with/am dealing with my problems, maybe they can apply similar strategies.

    [–]hedoesntget_it 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Oh hey!! That is so me! Amazing right, how is it that we have so much in common. I cannot believe that this would happen to us. Ahhh!!

    But seriously, I find it easier to be quiet than the center of attention and relates to many quotes that can be interpreted and appreciated from multiple points of view and social archetypes. But where does the individual stand? I guess it is on a per person basis, the more quiet I am in the conversation then I would hope it means that I am interested and want to pick up the finer details of the situation. At the same time, if I have experienced said topic of discussion I would love to give you my two cents worth. It would depend further if my two cents made sense, as if they were pure gold, or just an antidote that plays to the same tune as two zink pieces clinking in your pocket. Another thought, if I am talking and trying to hog the situation it would hopefully means that I like you, in a good mutual bromantic way. And because I am talking, a rarity personally for me being as I introverted Cynic that finds like to be easier by remaining silent and having as much time alone as possible to nurture my self loving egoistic self.

    TLDR: I'm right and very glad that I assisted you in forming your opinions and conclusions over the meaning of life. You're welcome.

    [–]BallsBallsEverywhere 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    So, you stole this, word for word, from /r/tumblr, right?

    http://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/22tijv/am_i_being_rude/

    [–]majuhlazuh 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    That reminds me of a time when I...

    [–]Science_Killed_God 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    If they're not interested in me then they shouldn't be hanging out with me

    [–]ScottyEsq 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I think it really depends on how you do it and when. For example, if a friend tells you how her boss mistreated her, and you had a similar experience, there is nothing wrong with telling her about that and what you did to make it better or deal with it.

    On the other hand, if instead you tell her about how you once had an unrelated experience that was worse, that can come across as just trying to one up them.

    Basically so long as you keep the focus on their problem, and relate your experiences to that, you're fine. If you find the conversation becomes more about your problems then theirs, then you might be acting a little rude.

    But most everyone likes to talk about themselves, so as long as you do your share of listening, you also get to do your share of talking.

    [–]the_slunk 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    When you grow up, OP, you'll learn that people who tell you their problems all the time instead of seeing a therapist are just drains on you and should be cut loose in favor of friends with better heads on their shoulders.

    [–]JudiciousF 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    You need to use a technique I call "One-Downing". You tell a story that's similar to theirs but is less impressive. The trick is to acknowledge early in the story telling process that you know the problem you're talking about was less difficult to overcome, but that way you establish your ability to relate, while maintaining sympathy for their difficult situation.

    [–]autodidact89 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Am I missing something? How is it self-centered and rude to listen to another person's problems?

    [–]birdslug 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    wow... reddit had a real thought. welcome to growing up

    [–]SheepzZ 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    I think adding a personal account allows you to connect with the person who has had this experience and the situation is understood mutually at a different level. I believe the people who always think that someone is trying to "one-up" them is the one who is actually self-centered. Not everyone is trying one-up you, get over yourself.

    [–]starico 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Trust me don't take the gamble some will definitely think your rude.

    [–]aliceinondering 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    The fact that you do this says you are not said prick/prickette.

    [–]onlyforthisair 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    It seems like just being a pair of ears to listen to them, regardless of what your mouth says, is helpful.

    [–]Rahx3 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Something that can help is saying "Yeah I've been there. It really does suck. But I got through it and I can help you through it if you want."

    [–]AgentDL 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Talking about one's own experiences is a much more effective communication method than telling someone what to do, or what you think about their problem.

    I've found that it's better to assist someone with their problem by saying "When [identical or similar experience] happened to me, here's how I felt, here's what I did about it, and here's how it worked out for me" instead of saying "You should _________." It shows the person that you respect them enough to draw their own conclusions based on your experience, and I've found that this is effective on a psychological and even subliminal level.

    [–]corgandane -1 ポイント0 ポイント 前

    God, I do the exact same thing. I have a close relation that always turns everything around so it's about him, and in my head the whole time when I share any related experience to a friend, I'm subconsciously doing everything I can to make sure I'm not being a douchenozzle like him. I think it's intent, and also how close you are to a person that draws the line and keeps you from moving into asshole town. I also sort of keep track of time, so my story never takes longer than theirs. :/

    [–]Dogplease -1 ポイント0 ポイント 前

    Soooo....

    This relation always tries to one up you, so you post to one up him on the Internet?

    [–]Mememan1236 -3 ポイント-2 ポイント 前

    futurama meme!

    [–]lightswarm124 -1 ポイント0 ポイント 前

    same shit in discussions during tutorials

    [–]GreenTeaOnMyDesk -5 ポイント-4 ポイント 前

    Youre being self-centered and rude. Im sure.

    [–]whydontya 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    There you go again, making it about you. YOU'RE sure. It just makes me sick.

    [–]rosscatherall 0 ポイント1 ポイント 前

    Oh, it makes you sick? Well aren't we the special one around these parts!