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Radical feminists often get castigated for using ‘incorrect’ pronouns when referring to men who have decided they are women. The argument usually goes along the lines of: ‘If a man thinks he is a woman and wants to be known as ‘she’, where is the harm in that?’
Thus we have now reached a situation whereby we have some feminists who, not wishing to appear rude, will accede to the man’s demands to be called ‘she’ or ‘her’. We are told it is impolite to do otherwise – and women are socialised to be polite, and nice, and as inoffensive as possible. If a man ‘feels’ like a woman, it is polite to treat him as such, so the argument goes. ‘Misgendering’ a man hurts his feelings, and all humans wish to avoid hurt feelings don’t we?
The problem is that using incorrect pronouns – calling a he a she – contributes to the erasure of women and girls. It puts us on an equal footing with our oppressors. Why should women feel obliged to accommodate men’s fantasies? Why do we have to be ‘nice’ about these men who are appropriating us and our struggles? Why should the oppressed feel compelled to ally themselves with their oppressors?
He takes. She gives. He vampirizes. She bleeds. He rapes, murders, batters, beats, pummels, pounds, demolishes, destroys. He gaslights, talks over, talks down to, takes precedence over, manipulates, invades, attacks, exploits, controls, dominates. She survives against all odds. He is the abuser. She is the abused. She gives life. He takes it away.
She is aborted for being female. He is not aborted for being male. She is unwanted. He is valued from the minute he is born. As a child she is trafficked, sexually abused, forced into marriage, has her genitals mutilated. He buys and sells her, rapes and sexually abuses her, permits other men to rape her, tortures her for his sexual gratification. He rapes his own children, or abducts children from outside their schools. He is the reason children cannot walk the streets safely. She is busy trying to keep children safe from his aggression, his violence and his abuse.
He sticks his penis in her and impregnates her. She conceives, carries, births, feeds, clothes, cares, nurtures, loves unconditionally. He has an orgasm. She has nausea, sore breasts, vomiting, low blood pressure, swollen ankles, pre-eclampsia. Her internal organs are crushed by the growing foetus. Her belly is stretched, her back and breasts ache. She labours for hours or days on end. His scalpel cuts her from vagina to anus, or right through her stomach wall in the case of a c-section. She cares for her newborn, despite her personal discomfort.
She cooks, cleans, shops, launders, irons. She plans meals, fetches, carries, prepares. She looks after elderly relatives, even if they are his blood relations and not hers. If she is ill she battles on regardless. He takes to his bed and she takes care of him. If he reciprocates, he expects gratitude.
He makes, views and distributes pornography. She is dehumanized, reduced to three holes. He pays for sex. She endures him. He fucks, beats, slaps, bites, chokes. He forces her head down onto his penis. He will ejaculate into her vagina, anus, mouth, on her breasts, all over her face, into her eyes and nostrils or wherever else takes his fancy. She puts up with it it because she is financially dependent upon him, or because she is trying to appease him, or because he is the father of her children, or because her life depends on it.
He starts wars. She picks up the pieces. She does the vast majority of the world’s work. He owns the vast majority of the world’s resources. She gives with very little return. He steals female energy for his own gain. She is valued only for her looks. If she fails to reach the standards created by him, she will be dismissed, mocked, ridiculed, derided. He is valued because he is male. He is the default. She is the defect.
Women, don’t let him tell you that he is a she. Don’t fall for his gaslighting. Don’t be afraid to call him he. Don’t feel obliged to be nice. Be impolite. Name your oppressor. Never forget that he oppresses she the world over, and if you are a she then I am afraid you are no exception.
Reblogged this on A space to share our joy..
It’s gaslighting. Language is so powerful. The words we use affect how we think. Going against our instincts and our knowledge in order to please males is patriarchy. It is not revolutionary or new or kind.
“Going against our instincts and our knowledge in order to please males is patriarchy.”
whataboutthemen–this is a good definition of patriarchy! At least for women living in a certain time and place–for women who are, due to a few reforms, ostensibly “free.” Free to be–yes, Firewomon–as polite and nice and inoffensive as possible. This is still a huge stumbling block for women socialized into femininity. And, for good reasons: we risk not just ridicule and rejection, but rape and death threats, too.
John Zerzan came up with a term called “niceism.” Naturally, he leaves women out of it, by subsuming us into the dominated masses, and by dismissing feminism as a feeble “single-issue cause.” Nonetheless, I think it’s a good definition:
“Nice-ism n. tendency, more or less socially codified, to approach reality in terms of whether others behave cordially; tyranny of decorum which disallows thinking or acting for oneself; mode of interaction based upon the above absence of critical judgement or autonomy.”
PERFECT…LOVE IT…People often say I’m a bitch when I run down the political/social/racial/economic implications of the bullshit going down in my environment – often BUT NOT ALWAYS – coming from white males, or women, young or old. I will always make efforts to speak truth to power.
Peace – out. Ashe Womynborn
Reblogged this on Rethinking "Gender Identity".
Name your oppressor. Men will go, and always have gone, to extraordinary lengths to prevent women from knowing, and leaving, their oppression. Because once we genuinely know that we are oppressed, we leave them. We do this as individual women, fleeing domestic violence or unsatisfactory relationships; we do this as a class, withdrawing our gynergy from them, and their socioeconomic schemes.
Men who appropriate SHE, who appropriate WOMAN, do so with the explicit intent to colonize us. To infiltrate us, to know us as men have never known us. To distort our collective voice and further their male entitlement. To bring women back into line with the roles and constraints which men have dictated for us.
“There was a recent post about the disgusting man pretending to be a woman who was sexually harassing a seventy year old woman in the vulnerable position of trying to change from her bathing suit in a “women’s” locker room.”
Am so sorry the older womyn did not have the support of other womyn friends in that experience. Have been meditating on this issue for the last couple days or so…really wanted to check myself on my biases, be truly fair on this one. Believe we Womyn have to put our collective foot down SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUR TRUTHS with our sisters AND our brothers, just like my Grand mother would. If a “woman” has a penis – physically, whether or not she can get it up…then in spite of the fact that she FEELS she is a woman inside, SHE IS STILL PHYSICALLY A MAN, AND AIN’T NO MAN ALLOWED IN THE WOMAN’S (OR GIRLS) ROOM. We gotta go back to our common sense and keep the shit simple! It don’t matter what they THINK they are. Ain’t nobody treating me like a queen, even though I know I am one. When a man makes a commitment to the pussy, then maybe we can talk. Until then NO UNICORNS – no commitment to the pussy, no pussy, no entry, no discussion…WE GODDESSES have spoken…and THAT’S the WOMYN TALKIN’.
I will never understand this urge to find a scapegoat that seems to flourish wherever people gather to talk about freedom apparently only for some at the expense of others. A transwoman is referred to as a she because she is a she. Period. To spread hatred like this makes no sense and will never be part of any solution. I understand that there are serious things concerning all this to be discussed but this is just disappointing. All this talk about abolishing gender while constantly referring to gender makes no sense.
There is no hatred in calling a man a man. And, please, before you comment again, learn the difference between sex and gender.
Of course there is hatred in calling a transwoman a man. Before you comment on things you don’t understand, please learn to be respectful towards others. Politeness is always possible. Might be more difficult than making scapegoats but much more rewarding. I can easily say something very disrespectful based on grounds I don’t know. But I won’t because I have no desire for scapegoats. My identity is not that weak.
There is no hatred in calling a man a man, just as there is no hatred in saying water is wet.
Women won’t achieve liberation by being ‘polite’. Politeness is much overrated, especially when we are talking about a movement (trans) which actively harms women.
If a man thinks himself to be an elephant and calls himself an elephant and becomes offended when people try to orient him to the physical reality and say, “but you are a man”, is that rudeness? Is it correct for people to lie in some sort of misguided effort to be “polite” to the person who has a particular thought about themselves that is erroneous in the physical world? Should one not try to orient the man to physical reality? Yes, the thoughts of being an elephant may be very real to the man and we can all acknowledge the mental reality for the man, but the physical world also has reality and a validity as well. If the “elephant” and others like him take out their frustrations and abuse those who called him a man – based on physical reality – what should be done? Do we applaud the “elephant” for getting back at the people who are oriented to physical reality, who simply call the “elephant” a man – that which you call “spewing their hate”?
Things get complicated when the trans community and/or trans individuals do not recognize, or acknowledge the trans philosophy that condones the behavior of the many people in their community who attempt to force themselves upon individual womyn; do not recognize the trans philosophy that condones the behavior of the many people in their community who force their way into womyn’s festivals, womyn’s bathrooms and various other womyn’s space. For womyn, this repeated invasive treatment is very familiar. It is indicative of male behavior and often at times, precedes rape. Womyn don’t call you “women”, except those who are afraid of you, because many of you don’t act like “women”. Many of you often have no compassion, you don’t respect those who you should be treating as your sisters, you often have no empathy, you force yourselves upon womyn in various ways and often make jokes about rape, you don’t take womyn’s concerns seriously. In other words, you act like men. In your contempt and arrogance you show clearly that your mind set is still male, so that is what you are called…”men”. Superficial changes and/or male behavior are often easily spotted. Superficial changes/male behavior are more often felt and do not define what it is to be a Womyn. Rest assured most women can feel, over time, that you are not womyn. “Force” will only gain you slaves and sheep. The word “Cis” is an invalid, obscene joke and an abomination and is meaningless to all womyn. Don’t know if we can “agree to disagree”. Don’t know where to go with all this.
Ok…back to my forest and mountains….
- Ashe Womynborn
This is great, thank you. Very good way to describe the situation.
Thanks for dropping by, sister.
So you call transwomen a movement that harms women. I have never heard a more idiotic comment in my life. It is comparable to racist remarks generalizing jews or black. To take a few individuals and make their behaviour count as collective is like the foundation of stupidity. I am glad there are feminists who are more understanding than this hate-speech-founded nonsense you come up with.
You’re attributing comments to me I haven’t made. ‘Transwomen’ is not a movement. You come across as immature. I would suggest you read this blog and the other blogs in my blogroll to broaden your mind. And as you’re being abusive, don’t bother commenting again – you’re blocked.