They do things differently in Japan. So much so, in fact, that despite my devotion to heavy metal and its attendant culture and values, the emergence and apparent huge popularity - their self-titled debut currently sits at No 4 on the list of iTunes rock albums in the US and their videos soar into the million views on YouTube – of the baffling band Babymetal strikes me as far less surprising (not to mention upsetting) than perhaps it should.
In case you haven't had the pleasure of watching one of their numerous YouTube videos, Babymetal represent the moment when irony is banished forever. Three teenage girls in matching outfits that teeter on the fine line between sugary cuteness and metal-friendly edginess – a line that I was previously unaware existed, if I'm honest – singing joyously perky pop melodies over a thunderous and surprisingly convincing modern metal backdrop, with the added intervention of rasping rave synths, a generous helping of EDM trimmings and occasional forays into sleazy early-00s crunk beats. Babymetal are as demented and perverse a pop confection as anything in living memory, and yet the whole thing is delivered with such vitality and verve that resistance is effectively futile.
Of course, Babymetal are not a metal phenomenon on any level. This is Japanese pop music, created behind-the-scenes by some fiendish Machiavellian genius who almost certainly had a sudden "Eureka!" moment in the middle of the night and realised that Japanese audiences were certain to unquestioningly embrace such a seemingly incongruous mish-mash of cutting-edge musical ideas. Diehard metalheads in the rest of the world will undoubtedly struggle with the entire concept. Something that seems akin to a trio of extras from Battle Royale being parachuted into live collaboration between Slipknot and Aqua while Skrillex does unspeakable things from behind a Day-Glo MacBook is probably not going to appeal to the average Iron Maiden fan, and yet Babymetal are so openly and unapologetically manufactured that moaning about the cynicism that presumably drives their unexpected sprint to huge success seems an utterly redundant exercise.
Pop music should be bonkers and immune to ponderous notions of integrity, surely? And yes, there is something enormously satisfying about a pop band that use heavy guitars like this: this isn't One Direction slaughtering The Undertones' Teenage Kicks, by any stretch.
Reading on mobile? Watch Babymetal perform Gimme Choco!! here
The most startling thing about Babymetal's self-titled album is how ridiculously entertaining it is. I should hate this, I thought to myself as I first assailed the neighbours with the glitterbomb savagery of inexplicably-titled sing-along anthems like Gimme Choco!! and Doki Doki MORNING… and yet, I think I've already fallen in love with this, erm, band. Unlike the vapid cut'n'paste postmodernism that has infected the metalcore scene in recent times – check out the frankly hideous Issues for a cackhanded pop/metal hybrid that leaves a truly foul taste in the mouth – Babymetal's songs are imbued with an exhilarating sense of innocence and joy that may yet still enrage Slayer fans to the point of apoplexy, but that I can only hope will introduce a generation of hyperactive toddlers (doubtless via their otherwise embittered middle-aged music journalist parents) to the wonders of brutal riffs, ribcage-shattering kick drum flurries and, best of all, how truly, wonderfully deranged Japanese pop culture can be.
It remains to be seen whether Babymetal will enjoy the same success across the globe that they appear to be doing at home. If their positioning in the US iTunes charts, packing out the Budokan and selling an absolute shitload of albums in Japan isn't enough for their record company handlers, then I suspect that the rest of the world is about to be subjected to a sustained promotional onslaught that could well lead to Babymetal becoming an unstoppable global phenomenon, rather than merely something that can be enjoyed for 10 minutes and then brusquely dismissed with the phrase "Only in Japan, innit!" I'll be honest: I've already surrendered. You're next.