The Sochi Games prove that poor style is a truly international epidemic, from Italian skaters to Swedish skiers and everyone in between.
Drumroll, please, for the winners for most outrageous sartorial faux-pas:
Team Bermuda at the Opening Ceremony
Photo: Tatyana Zenkovich/EPA
Bermudans in Bermuda shorts — get it? We’d forgive the fact that bare legs are a bad call in wintry Russia if the club blazers and knee-high socks on a mostly male delegation didn’t make the whole thing look really creepy.
Danielle O’Brien and Gregory Merriman
Photo: Bernat Armangue/AP
Ice dancers from Australia — that’s odd. But not as odd as the clown costumes this Aussie duo decided to wear to what they must have confused for an audition at Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus.
Henrik Harlaut
Photo: Instagram; Javier Soriano/Getty Images
With his saggy pants and fair-haired dreadlocks, Harlaut — a Wu-Tang enthusiast who goes by the nickname “E-DOLLO” — is undoubtedly the wackiest Swedish pseudo-thug the Olympics have ever seen.
Hubertus von Hohenlohe
Photo: Mexico Olympic Commitee/AP
Actually, it’s Prince Hubertus of Hohenlohe-Langenburg to you. Racing on behalf of Mexico, this alpine skier is also a German aristocrat who seemed to think a mariachi-themed suit was totally acceptable and not at all a symbol of colonialism.
Katie Uhlaender
Photo: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images; Alex Livesey/Getty Images
The American skeleton racer should stick to bare-bones ensembles, because this blue camouflage with the red hair is too much. Don’t tell her that, though, because she looks like she could crush you.
Kirsten Moore-Towers and Dylan Moscovitch
Photo: Damien Meyer/AFP/Getty Images; Yuri Kadobnov/Getty Images
Looks like these Canadians hopped out of the same clown car as the aforementioned skaters from Down Under, or maybe it’s a magic show they were hoping would enchant the judges. Either way, Party City called and they want their stock back.
Norwegian curling team
I’m not entirely sure what “curling” is, but the Norwegian team could have spared everyone the dizzying suits — part Charlie Brown, part Andy Warhol Brillo Pad box.
Stefania Berton and Ondrej Hotarek
Photo: AP; Reuters
Proof Italy isn’t always synonymous with style. Forget the campy taxicab get-up, this Czech-Italian couple looks like they’re skating in two entirely different programs.
Team USA at the Opening Ceremony
Photo: EPA
Sorry to say, the US team’s Ralph Lauren-designed, star-spangled, red, white and blue cardigans were utterly obnoxious.
In the fine words of CNN’s Piers Morgan:
Yuzuru Hanyu
Photo: AFP; Yuri Kadobnov/AFP/Getty Images
He may have won men’s figure-skating gold in this outfit, but Japan’s champ came in dead last in the style department. As if tacky gem-encrusted white lace with sheer cutouts didn’t do the trick, it got paired with a bulky pendant necklace from boy-band hell.
Who crafted this special creation, you ask? None other than Sochi’s resident fashionista, Johnny Weir. Stick to styling yourself, Johnny, design is not your color.
