Korea's Desperate Housewives: Foreign Wives Find Korea a Bad Fit
New America Media, News Feature, Aruna Lee Posted: May 14, 2007
Editor's Note: More Korean men living in the country are choosing to marry women from other Asian countries. The cultural isolation and language gap has led to some unhappy – even abusive – marriages. Aruna Lee monitors the Korean language press for New America Media.
As incidents of abuse and neglect increase among Korea's interracial couples living in the countryside, these unions are testing the boundaries of Korean society. "It's not love, it's business," is how Nam Nguyen, publisher and editor of the Vietnamese language daily, Calitoday, describes the growing phenomenon of Korean men marrying Vietnamese and other Asian women because Korean women, better educated than ever before, are reluctant to marry farmers and fishermen.
In April, Korean media reported about a gathering of protesters in Hong Sung, in southern Korea, mostly women from South East Asia, China, and the Philippines, demanding the government ban fliers advertising marriages to foreign women. Protesting such slogans as "A Vietnamese daughter-in-law obeys", or "Fast and successful marriage with Filipino, Cambodian and Vietnamese Women," the protesters said these ads were insulting, and encouraged the practice of “buying marriage.”
But for many of these foreign women, marriage offers a way out of poverty. As the influence of Korean pop culture spreads across Asia, Korea is fast becoming a desirable destination for many who find little opportunity in their own country. The reality, however, can be far from ideal.
Among the challenges these women face once in Korea are language and cultural barriers, as well as racial prejudice and domestic abuse.. A recent study released by the Office of the President in Korea noted that the majority of these women also live below the poverty line, and receive little or no health care.
The same study also pointed out that the children of these marriages often struggle with issues of self-esteem and identity, isolated from their peers because of their mixed ethnicity and low socio-economic background.
The rising number of incidents involving domestic abuse of foreign spouses has reached the ears of the government. According to the Department of Women and Families, the number of immigrant family centers has been expanded from 20 to 200 across the country, while over a thousand phone lines have been installed to help women report cases of domestic violence. Yet despite these efforts, the integration of these women into society remains troubled.
So Yon Kim is a single woman who lives in a small town outside of Seoul. In a telephone interview with New America Media, she said she’d seen numerous cases of abuse and discrimination directed at foreign women. She said the first step in solving the problem is educating the husbands and their families. “Measures need to be taken to stabilize the situation in the homes of these women,” she said.
For some men, marrying a non-Korean woman holds the promise of a submissive housewife completely dependent upon the husband. Their familiarity with the culture and language allows Korean women a greater degree of independence from their husbands, perhaps even a means for leaving an unhappy marriage. For non-Korean women, their inability to speak the language prevents them from seeking work, while their ignorance with local culture further isolates them from society. Ultimately, many are forced to rely upon their husbands for social and financial support.
The reasons for this growing trend are varied. Among them is a reluctance among Korean women to marry into rural families with limited financial means. One individual told reporters that all the Korean women he’d met through a professional matchmaker wanted a man who made above $100, 000 dollars annually or owned his own condominium.
Other sources cite shifting attitudes among Korean women, 90 percent of whom see marriage as an option, not an obligation. It is a reflection of a society that is increasingly urban and modern, forcing rural families to reach beyond Korea’s borders for what is unavailable at home.
With a low birth rate, interracial marriage and immigration are becoming necessities for a society that has traditionally defined itself along ethnic lines. Nevertheless, the divorce rate among interracial couples increased from 4,208 to 6,187 since last year, according to a Supreme Court report in Korea.
Despite this trend, many marriages often turn out successful. Bong Su Seo, 54, is a professional chess player. Several years ago he married a Vietnamese woman 29 years younger than he was, reports The Korea Times. It was Seo's second marriage after being single for a long time. "I was lonely,” says Seo. “I thank my wife for accepting all the disadvantages of living in this strange country just because of me."
Bok Yul Chon, 44, is a small business owner. Two years ago, he flew to Tashkent, Uzbekistan, to meet his new wife, 22-year-old Anna Jang, an English teacher at a local college. He says that while he considered a Korean wife, for a man over 40 with little savings it was not an option.
Such a wide age gap between husband and wife is common in these marriages, in contrast to marriages between two Koreans, where the age difference is considerably less. Still, some women say that despite the age difference, they remain content in their relationships. Jang, who now has two children, is one of them.
Chun Sik Kim is a professor of Korean language. He has lived in Tashkent for seven years. In an article for the online Korean news site, Naver, he said that more Korean men are marrying Uzbek women who, despite their high education, face both poverty and little opportunity at home.
CaliToday editor Nam Nguyen acknowledges that people have the right to choose whom they marry. Yet, he says he is concerned with the growing number of reports of Vietnamese women who discover they’ve gotten married to an abusive man several times their age. "The Vietnamese government should enact strict laws to prevent a practice that is tantamount to human trafficking," Nguyen says.
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