It's where horror gets BENT…
Episode 64: FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 5
Jul 19, 2012
by Patrick
Can you believe it? Another Friday the 13th has passed us by, which means I’m overdue for the next installment of the FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULARRRR! We’re now up to the fifth film in the series, FRIDAY THE 13th PART V: A NEW BEGINNING. And it’s a new beginning, all right. It’s the beginning of the end of my love affair with this franchise. Oh hush! This movie is terrible, and you know it!
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- Even the box art is cheap.
I sat down with Mister Brad to watch it again. He’s never seen it before, and I thought we were both going to need new glasses after all the eye-rolling we did. Of course, the saving grace is hearing him singing the “Ooh, baby! Ooh baby!” thing in the shower ever since. (Expect audio soon!)
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- Seriously, that's just...just...narshty.
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- What, is Faux Jason doing Tai Chi now? Pfft!
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- It is not showtime. Now stop it. We're embarrassed for you.
Also, expect a lot of talk about my trip to Denver for the GALA 2012 convention. Yeah yeah, suck it up. I try to make it as fun as possible. Plus I get a little heavy and reveal some DEEP TRUTHS, so make sure you have Kleenex handy. Not like that, you pig! Gad, you’re disgusting
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- Fellow Screamer CHAD & I rendezvous in Denver
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- The BIG GAY SING Finale at GALA, Denver 2012.
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Episode 62: HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II
Jul 4, 2012
by Patrick
Happy Independence Day, Screamerz! Since that last episode came out a little late, this one’s hitting you a little early. That’s called balance, bitches!
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- Special Guest #1: Miss KAREN MACK
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- Download TAKE THAT on Amazon for just $8.99!
So your date might be a little late, but it is finally time to be whisked away to the senior prom! And it’s going to be one helluva Party…
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- No tiara for YOU, Mary Lou!
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- Just a girl and her adult-sized rocking horse...
In 1957, Mary Lou Maloney‘s dream of being crowned prom queen went up in flames. And now…she’s going to get that tiara if it kills you!
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- "The lady at Sears said it's JUST like the one Liz Taylor wore to the Oscars!"
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- The lady at Sears LIED!
That’s right! It’s finally time to discuss the Canadian camp classic HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II. And joining me is my evil twin and fellow Screamer, listener TRAE DEAN. Sitting next to him, with a flask of hootch in her bra and a spare pair of undies in her purse, is New York City cabaret songstress, the luscious Miss KAREN MACK.
And oh what a ménage it is!
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- Special Guest #2: Listener TRAE DEAN!
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- Why is this picture here?? Listen and learn!
Tell your mama not to wait up, cuz when this prom’s over, NOBODY’S coming home!
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Episode 61: THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES and SMILE
Jun 17, 2012
by Patrick
WARNING: This episode is CURSED. You have been warned.
First up, THE NIGHTMARE CLOSET returns, and its hinges are ready to burst. I’m going to take my second attempt at watching THE HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES as an adult. For a movie that’s not particularly scary, it still fills me with dread. It’s time to purge this demon from my soul and get on with my life. I’m just going to hold on to this teddy bear. And this tequila. And this shotgun.
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- Worst. Spa treatment. EVER.
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- Faith Domergue & her Invisibilty Cloak
Sadly, the Curse of Episode 61 struck the recording of my HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT II segment. She’ll be back next time, so instead you get an extra CRAPSHOOT feature. It’s a cautionary tale of why one shouldn’t buy outdated photographic equipment from undead mass murdereres. It’s called SMILE starring Armand Assante. Ironically, I’m not happy about this or about bumping poor Mary Lou. I might have taken out my aggression on this poor movie.
Too bad. SUFFER.
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- Sigh. That dress is RUINED.
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- "SMILE: I'm bored."
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- Seriously. What the HELL is this supposed to be?
Oh, and if you’re wearing flip flops while listening to this, you might want to take them off. You have been warned. Again.
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Episode 60: THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES
Jun 1, 2012
by Patrick
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- Smile! It's the GROUP PHOTO OF DOOM!
Privyet, my Krasivaya Screamers! It’s time to pack your bags, your radiation suits and your douche bags, because we’re off to Russia with the a truly stupid group of A-holes with THE CHERNOBYL DIARIES! I’m joined by my favorite West Coast pervert, SCOTT from The SATYRSPHERE podcast. Neither one of us cared for the movie at all, so expect rampant innuendo and Broadway tangents aplenty.
I’d apologize in advance if I had any sense of decorum, which I don’t, so let’s move on.
And while you’re at it, be sure to pick up former guest host HOMER MARRS‘ new EP called PROM KING featuring 4 songs both hilarious and rather sexypants.
Pay you you can (and for god’s sake, give him something!) over at homermarrs.bandcamp.com
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EPISODE 59: UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY and BLOODY BIRTHDAY
May 20, 2012
by Patrick
It’s my birthday episode, henceforth to be known for all time as BIRTHAPALOOZA!
To celebrate, we’re taking a look, not surprisingly, at birthday-related horror.
To kick off the show, THE CRAPSHOOT sets its sites on UNHAPPY BIRTHDAY, a UK exercise in weirdness, Day-Glo clothing, creepy sex and…cake.
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- Looks like a happy ending more than an Unhappy Birthday!
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- "I come all this way, and this is the shitty cake I get?!?"
And then I’m joined by world-famous author ROBERT R. BEST to discuss BLOODY BIRTHDAY in weirdness, knees socks, killer kids and…cake.
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- "Blow out your boobs, Laura." (Theater Joke!)
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- How 'bout those knee socks!! Sexy!
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- Such angels! Which one do I slap first?
Plus, we discuss my life with the VILLAGE PEOPLE, the War on My Butt, hallucinating on the subway…
…and cake.
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- Randy Jones, Cowboy Guy
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- His name was GLENN, not Frank. Mea culpa!
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Episode 58: THE WITCH’S TALE – “Graveyard Mansion”
May 10, 2012
by Patrick
It’s my birthday, so I’m taking the week off….sort of.
I couldn’t leave you high and dry (or low and moist), so enjoy THE WITCH’S TALE to tide you over until next week!
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Episode 57: MRS. LUMLEY’S MASKS by R.K. Kombrinck
Apr 26, 2012
by Patrick
Being that this is Episode 57, I feel it fitting to adhere to the legacy of Heinz Ketchup’s motto of “57 Varieties“. However, I will modify it slightly to say that this episode is “57 Varieties of All Fucked Up!”
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- R.K. KOMBRINCK (aka "Kelley)
This is the long-awaited reading of MRS. LUMLEY’S MASKS, an original short story by NOTLP‘s beloved KELLEY KOMBRINCK. I’ve had a amazing time putting this together for you, and if you think Kelley’s all cute and cuddly…think again. Well, actually he is cute and cuddly, but he’s also All Fucked Up. I believe that would be Variety #39.
And if you’re clamoring for movie dish, I’ve got the preview scoop on John Cusack‘s THE RAVEN.
Feathers will fly.
Then, I can’t wait to introduce you to our Friend from Line (All Fucked Up Variety # 44), whose physical being (and demeanor) is described on the show as similar to each of the following:
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- Abby Lee Miller from "Dance Moms"
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- A Troll from "Troll"
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- Trash Lady from "Labyrinth"
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- The Trash Heap from "Fraggle Rock"
She’s a peach!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
R.K.Kombrinck is an artist/author from Cincinnati, OH. He lives in a deeply disturbing Suburban dystopia with his wife and two sons. His interest in the horror genre began early and his urge to scare his friends and family soon developed into writer-ly aspirations. His equal interest in drawing led him into exploring storytelling through sequential art where he could pair his two passions.
As an adult he’s continued to plumb the depths of darkness and monstosity through short stories which have been published in several genre anthologies. He is also a founding member of the popular podcast “Night of the Living Podcast” which he uses as a mouthpiece for disseminating his horror-nerd agenda. He loves iced tea (unsweet) and genuinely believes in Sasquatch.
Click here for his official AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE
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Episode 56: SECONDS APART and FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER
Apr 12, 2012
by Patrick
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- Bette & Derwood: BROWN NOSERS!
It’s that most wonderful time of the year!
Well, except if you’re a horny co-ed who stupidly chose to spend spring break at the lakehouse in the woods instead of going boob-shakin’ in Boca Raton, that is.
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- What are you WEARING?!?!?!
That’s right! Another Friday the 13th is upon us, which means it’s time for the next installment of my FRIDAY THE 13th SPECTACULAAAARRRR! This, time we’re I’m tackling the fourth entry, FRIDAY THE 13th: THE FINAL CHAPTER. So, come on, Sara. Strip and dip! Give Teddybear a kiss, and find that goddamned corkscrew, because Jason is in da house!
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- Strange (and sexy!) Bedfellows
And then, The Crapshoot returns to take on a pair of creepy identical twins with evil powers in the AfterDark HorrorFest release SECONDS APART. Did this bad boys double my pleasure like Doublemint gum, or did they leave me with a bad taste in my mouth? (Get your mind out of the gutter, pig!)
All this and some real side excursions into Krazytown, USA await you, so start streaming already. Gaaad!
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Episode 55: THREE SKELETON KEY – Old Time Radio with VINCENT PRICE
Mar 28, 2012
by Patrick
I’m fighting off the flu and laryngitis, so I’ve had to scrap my original plan for the show. Instead we’re firing up the ol’ WayBack Machine to journey once again to the Golden Age of Radio! This time, we’re meeting VINCENT PRICE to spend the night at a creepy, nearly abandoned lighthouse. The only problem is, there are some other guests on the way. Thousands of them. And they’re hungry.
Really hungry!
This week’s classic chiller is called THREE SKELETON KEY and originally aired on the CBS‘s hit show ESCAPE! on March 17, 1950.
Better stock up on some cheese before you listen to this one!
Also, if you missed me in this year’s BIG GAY SING with the NEW YORK CITY GAY MEN’S CHORUS, fear not! Despite my vocal restrictions, I give an account so detailed ans so stirring that you are actually in danger of getting blinded by imaginary sequins!
ALL HAIL THE GAY AGENDA!!!
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Episode 54: LOVE AT FIRST BITE and ATTACK THE BLOCK
Mar 15, 2012
by Patrick
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- Special Guest; JAY EMMITT from "The Takedown Podcast"
It’s been a rough week. I’m depressed. I needed to spend some time talking about a silly movie with a dear old friend. Join me and the oh-so-squeezable JAY EMMITT (formerly of the “Obscure 80′s Podcast”) as we dish the dish about Dracula’s disco dance moves in the 1979 comedy LOVE AT FIRST BITE.
But be careful, Jay! I’m going to backdoor you with a FIRING SQUAD for recommending ATTACK THE BLOCK. Did I love it? Or is little Jay going to become a man before your very ears? Either way…you’ll have a real good time, goddammit!
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