The Working Mother.

Posted on March 29, 2012 by theresa • 0 Comments

my new "road to 30" project.

My return-to-work date is fast approaching. Is it possible to be relieved and anxious at the same time?

I’m definitely happy to be going back to a regular paycheck. And what makes the return to work a lot less dreadful this time is that I’m going back to a job I like and a boss who is a decent human being, and I’m not actually going back to an office. That means three things: no separation anxiety, no commute, and best of all, NO PUMPING! I don’t have to worry about lugging around my pump bag, don’t have to worry about scheduling pump time, don’t have to worry about how many ounces I’m getting and whether or not it’s enough to feed Squeaky the next day! Pumping was such a chore and such a strain on my day that I’m actually excited I don’t have to do it anymore… Can’t believe I did it for nearly a year and a half with Hugga, ugh.

But, of course, I’ll be going back to work. At the very least, I should only have two projects on my plate the day I get back and easing into other new projects gradually. I just don’t know what my current projects will look like when I return. One of my teams just went through a complete overhaul, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to retrain myself with my other project. Not to mention this new baby we’ve got here.

Going back to work got me thinking about my broader career goals and what I want to accomplish as a writer — something I’ve steadfastly tried not to think about since I dropped out of the MFA. I was only in the program for one term, but it took me over a year to recover. I felt myself getting paralyzed by my goals, becoming obsessed with finishing things by a certain point in my life, and it made me really stressed out and miserable. Since taking a break and allowing myself to expand my horizons and learn new things — without all the pressure of having to be great at it — I’ve been a lot happier, and I feel like I have a fresher perspective for writing again. I’m also much more forgiving about my situation and how my time is spent at my age. The goals I had at 20 will have to be adjusted to what my life looks like at 30.

When I talk or think about “career goals,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I want a new job. It does entail thinking of ways to develop myself as a technical writer that I would enjoy (technical writing will always be my default career/marketable skill). It also entails thinking about how to bring other modes of creativity into my writing, and where I want to go as a writer over the next few years. I’ve been able to move away from, “I need to finish a book by such-and-such age,” and start thinking in terms of projects. What is something I can teach other people about? How can I serve my community with the things I know how to do? How do I bring more art into my writing? I’m not going to get answers overnight, but I’m hoping it’ll amount to something fruitful soon.

Anyway, I’m trying to make the most out of the leave time I have left, and I allow myself to take breaks for crafting without feeling guilty. I’m a little scared that once I go back to work, I won’t have any time to myself anymore. Realistically, I know it’ll be difficult to adjust at first, and I probably won’t have a whole lot of free time for scrapping or knitting or anything else, but it won’t last forever. We’ll get the hang of our routine and the girls will continue to grow and become more independent, so I know I’d better enjoy these days while I can.

I’m so lucky and relieved to have my mom here to help us transition back to a regular routine. I really have my work cut out for me this time.

Filed Under: Life

Glad I Don’t Have to Deal with THAT Anymore.

Posted on March 27, 2012 by theresa • 0 Comments

back when we were skinny

Rude awakening this morning.

Huz was telling me about a friend of ours who was having issues in the dating arena. I asked how old she was to give me a little more perspective on her situation and found myself kind of surprised when he said 25. At 25, I was pretty much living the life of a boring suburban career mom. I’ve recovered somewhat (family life out in LA is ever so slightly more exciting), but the point is, my 25 looked very different from my friends’ 25es.

I got knocked up with Hugga at 24. I realize this isn’t terribly young by most people’s standards, and especially not out here in Mommyblogger Land, but we were the first out of any of our friends to have a kid by a long shot, and we’re the youngest parents in Hugga’s preschool class. Not to mention many of our friends are still single. I’d venture to say most of them are — out here in LA, we don’t have any close friends who are in the same boat as us. When they talk about single people problems, I try my best to weigh in and I think I’m able to relate, but I just realized today that I’m drawing on experience I’m already seven years past.

Goddamn, I’m not even sure I’m qualified to talk about dating anymore.

It sort of makes me feel a little irrelevant and old, but to be honest, I’m not really interested in switching places… I like the dude I married and I’m glad I’m stuck with him.

But maybe it’s time to lift our ban on actively seeking new friends who are a little more our speed? I dunno, I like our friends and don’t want to ditch them, and I kind of dread the thought of just hanging out with couples who are just as boring as we are. But I also sort of wonder if our single friends take our advice seriously at all. Like we’re starting to feel like the old, out of touch aunt and uncle who so want you to think we’re cool and let us be all up in your business. I’m surprised we still get invited to parties.

Filed Under: Life

Regularly Scheduled Chaos.

Posted on March 23, 2012 by theresa • 3 Comments

LIFE.

Huz and I procrastinated on doing our taxes because we knew it wasn’t going to be a good year for us. I got as far as I could on my own with TurboTax, and we’re having my mom’s CPA check our numbers, but it looks like this is the first year EVER that we’re going to owe money and it’s not a pretty sight. I’m hesitant to complain too much — I’d rather pay more taxes if it means better schools, more affordable health care, etc. — but yesterday I was definitely having one of those WHY DOES IT COST SO MUCH TO BE ALIVE? type days.

In happier news, Squeaky is getting close to eight weeks old, but since she was born on the 31st, I don’t feel right calling it two months until we get to April. She’s really smiley, which is what Huz and I were waiting for since the day she was born. And much like her mama, she’s a morning person — we get the most smiles out of her before noon!

She’s also, true to her nickname, really noisy. Not in the sense that she cries a lot or is colicky — she’s not, although she does have a fussy time which I love to call her “witching hour” because it makes me imagine her wearing a little baby witch hat and flying around the living room on a baby-sized broom, which makes the fussing all the more bearable. She’s just very… vocal? Every time she moves, she squeaks. Even as she stretches in her sleep — actually, she’s especially noisy in her sleep. She sounds like a constantly deflating balloon. It’s pretty hilarious.

I’ve kind of short-changed Hugga as far as her updates go. She’s being a great big sister as always, but she’s also starting to read in preschool, and she can write the words she knows how to read. Words like mug, rug, dog, and mop. This has been a really awesome part of her progress so far, and the teachers at her preschool are totally amazing.

Tomorrow is an exciting day for her — her “boyfriend” at school (really, her boy bff who sits next to her during lessons) has his birthday party tomorrow, and this will be her first time at a real bowling alley. She’ll be taking her Kid Tough camera so we can get some good pictures (although I’m sure I’ll be stuck with that duty).

Moms is still in town and helping out a shit ton. She does our laundry so often, we can’t keep up with putting the clothes away. I’ve also begged her to make the Filipino fruit salad (Americans call it Ambrosia) I love so much, even though I’m supposed to be working on getting my body back in shape. BUT WHATEVER.

On that note, Huz and I are considering doing Run For Your Lives. I still think running is awful but a 5K where we get to run from hordes of zombies is a race that was pretty much made for us. I’m still kind of scared to pull the trigger on registration — What if I injure myself? How are we going to find time to train with two kids and full-time jobs?! — but I know this is probably my best shot at getting the momentum back and getting my ass into shape. Still marinating on it, but we both get giddy at the prospect of running this race together, so it looks like we might have our answer…

That’s about all I have for an update today. Have a good weekend, y’all!

Filed Under: Life