Not looking both ways when that truck was coming.

I don't have any major regrets but I do hope I was not trying to please everyone all the time, putting my own wishes and needs second (or at the bottom of the pile). "Being true to myself" is the issue here as well I guess.

Some of this article is astoundingly flaky.

(2) Every male patient regretted doing too much work and wanted more time with children?

That means every single male she ever nursed was an adult employed parent.
She never nursed a male child / an unemployed man / man unable to work / a child-free man. How long must the odds of that be? Amazing!

(3) "Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result". Sounds like blaming people who don't have perfect lives for their illnesses.

Could you please tell us which illnesses are proven to be caused by "bitterness and resentment", then? I for one would be very interested.

If I were to die in the next few minutes I would regret the fact that I've still not gotten dressed yet, and the coroner would pronounce my time of death and everybody would know that I'd gotten past noon without getting dressed.

In my defence, I'm waiting for a parcel so have to not be in the shower when it arrives. Given the unpredicatability of our post, this means I either have to get up and dressed really early before it's likely to arrive, or stay in my pyjamas until it arrives, which could be any time from 8am to 3pm. I went for the latter. Of course this means that the postman would know that I'm lazing about, but I don't know my postman (I get a varied set of posties, with varied timetables) and don't care what he thinks.

Yup, agree, the same thing occurred to me too:

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives.

Which, if you take 'several' to mean 'two' and assuming she didn't care for more than one patient simultaneously, that could only mean 8 patients. And if only two of them were men, what she's claiming might be accurate, if not representative of the bigger picture...

Sad that people have to be on their deathbead to work this stuff out.

yesssss. Another reason for me to be self centred. I want to spend £250 to be a zookeeper for a day at a highland wildlife park thats got tigers and that polar bear that was on frozen planet. My wife reminded me she's pregnant and we might need money for stuff. Im printing this article out to show her what needs to happen

"The Top Five Regrets Of the Dying" stinks of opportunism - somebody wanting to make money out of dead people's misery and dressing it up as some sort of self-help guide for the gullible.

Yours for just £19.99 in paperback, folks.

Nineteen quid for a paperback!!

Buying that would probably end up being my number one deathbed regret.

I regret nothing....

I'm not so convinced that the dying have any special "clarity of vision". I already think I work too much and don't see enough of my old friends, but to change either of these things would involve making other sacrifices (less interesting job, less cash, less time with my husband etc...) Is it really wise to spend our whole lives working towards a regret-free final few weeks? I prefer making choices that make me happy now.

Mistakes? I've made a few. But then again. Too few to mention

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Im with John Betjeman not enough sex or perhaps from Updike in Rabbit at Rest - I wouldnt take back one single fuck from my life (excuse the french).

Nonnnnnnnnnnnn

"(2) Every male patient regretted doing too much work and wanted more time with children?

That means every single male she ever nursed was an adult employed parent.
She never nursed a male child / an unemployed man / man unable to work / a child-free man. How long must the odds of that be? Amazing!"

I think there is a kind of denial in your response. The nurse is stating her experience, having seen 1000s of patients. You seem to want to undermine it for some reason which I can only guess at.

The fact that men were - in general - on the treadmill and unable to enjoy time with their children (the one most important part of their lives, if they are anything like me) is not one that everyone wants to accept or think about. Feminists seem split between those that actually want equality (and therefore equal roles for mother and father), and those who would rather forget that fathers existed, and comment on mothers' issues alone.

All the same, with the astonishing amount of print dedicated to arguing that women and mothers have been living a kind of slave's life for centuries, it seems worth pointing out the fact that men weren't just "playing golf" (as a midwife on 'One Born Every Minute' intelligently put it) in the meantime.

Society and financial considerations wouldn't let them, so they also paid a heavy price. No one seems overly concerned by this though..

somebody wanting to make money out of dead people's misery and dressing it up as some sort of self-help guide for the gullible.

Yours for just £19.99 in paperback, folks.

Interesting idea for a book but kind of agree with the above. It's a bit like that book written by a prison chef that details the last meal requests of people on death row. One of the papers did a feature on it with excerpts - interesting reading but feels a bit uncomfortable - especially one I remember that said 'left untouched'. (Though I see that this 'regrets' book is probably more useful to the reader than knowing what kind of burger a murderer ordered).

Rather not disclose any regrets if it's all the same - but thanks for the opportunity!

Regret no 6: "I wish I had spent less time reading the endless girning of commenters on newspaper websites."

...oh and regrets about not "having been myself", and not having said what one thought are common.

On the other hand, imagine a life where we all remained absolutely true to ourselves. Not so sure about the consequences of that, for ourselves or everybody else! There's a certain discipline, and (dare I say it) benefit in social pressures and boundaries

I regret having not given one boss a fairly hefty smack years ago (but legal considerations...), or at least I could have said what I thought. My family may not quite have seen the value of my honest expression of my opinions though :)

Wonderful piece though, very thought-provoking

Having misgivings is natural.

I am always wary of people who make bland, asinine statements, boastfully professing to regret nothing. It suggests someone who only relates consequence to themselves.

Well done for getting in a dig at feminism in a completely unrelated article. I'm sure you'll get extra points if you can manage to criticise Germaine Greer in the Food and Drink section. To address your point, men have often been obliged to spend more time at work and less time with their families than they would have liked because society traditionally expected them to be the breadwinners - it still does in a lot of cases. At the same time, women have traditionally been kept in the home and haven't been allowed to have any role in life other than being wives and mothers. Most feminists see this situation as being damaging to both men AND women, which is why we seek to change things. Believing that women have had the raw end of the deal for a long time, and believing that men have suffered from this as well, are not mutually exclusive viewpoints.

unrelated? I thought not in that case. It's quite plausible that the idea that many men have in fact made sacrifices might not be acceptable to some who argue that one sex got the worse deal (an ongoing discourse on this site). It's an interesting aspect of what was said in the article, thus relevant.

When you say "Most feminists see things this way or that" I wince slightly, as many, many people claim to be speaking for what most feminists say, then give their own opinion.

"Believing that women have had the raw end of the deal for a long time, and believing that men have suffered from this as well, are not mutually exclusive viewpoints"

No I guess not. But I think some recognition of the way roles impact on both sides would be nice. A bit of balance, as opposed to trying to deny things because of a conclusion one has already arrived at. I simply wanted to say that the fact might enlighten the debate, as people are apt to dismiss such facts (witness the midwife I quote)

I didn't expect a round of applause on this forum for saying so. But someone might think again.

I don't accept the rest of your argument either. But maybe we really are drifting off topic as you say.

I really don't see anything wrong with sharing knowledge gained from an experience that is pretty fundamental to the human condition. And there are lots of books about dying already, so one more doesn't seem to be completely out of order.
It seems to me that the top five regrets are mainly about not doing things, rather than doing them...not spending time with loved ones, not fulfilling ambitions. So I take away from this that the not terribly original but nonetheless universal message is 'carpe diem' .

I knew that someday I was gonna die
And I knew before I died
Two things would happen to me
That number one: I would regret my entire life
And number two: I would want to live my life over again

(Hubert Selby Jr & intro to Manic Street Preachers Of Walking Abortion)

I wish I'd died before I read this boring old tosh yet again. It's been doing the rounds for forever and the general consensus from everyone with brains who has read it is that it's a wish list of what 'nurse' would like her patients to tell her when they die.

Well, yes, it is going off topic now, so I'm just going to add that I am an active feminist, and that I'm not just stating my own opinions and then trying to pass them off as accepted feminist discourse. I regularly meet with other feminists and I find that most of them hold these opinions, hence why I said "MOST feminists..." I can only speak from my own experience, after all. And I don't see what there was in the rest of my argument that you might disagree with.

Back on topic... I don't wish to be too cynical, but I would like to know how many people the nurse has actually asked these questions, and what sort of sectors of society they came from. It's all a bit vague and not terribly informative, and while I'm sure it was intended to be just of general interest, this article has framed it as though it was a legitimate piece of scientific research. More detail, please...

Yours for just £19.99 in paperback, folks.

Nineteen quid for a paperback!!

That's 20 quid!

I'm with John Betjamen on this; wish I'd had more sex.

Weegirl - that is hilarious - thank you for such a good laugh. I worry I may die without taking the rubbish out so my gravestone will say 'slattern of the parish'.

I've always assumed that, on my deathbed, I won't be wishing I'd had less sex.

The website where I first saw this list was actually some kind of marketing scheme for a self-help company.

This list by this nurse has been around for years. Why is it appearing here now?

Edith? Is that you?

I regret not working hard enough for my A-levels.
I regret not looking after my teeth when I was younger.
I regret having sex with some girls (and some prostitutes) without a condom.
I regret cheating on some girlfriends.
I regret not listening to my instincts more of the time.
I regret making dumb decisions whilst depressed.

Bliad

Je Ne Regrette Rien.......

I have most of these regrets too and I'm only 21. The thing is, they're the kinds of things we wish we could do without impeding on other aspects of our lives. As that's not the case, we make a balance of decisions based on the whole picture.

Work less hard and you may struggle to provide for yourself or your family.
Express your feelings you may experience repercussions from the angry person you've just expressed you feelings to, particularly in a work environment.
Staying in touch with friends takes a lot of time and, sadly, some things become more important than some of your friends.
Let yourself be happier? Easier said than done!

I was anxious about quitting my job and buying a one way ticket to Paris in July but reading this article has completely sealed the deal!

I wish i hadn't been such a selfish bastard. Worshipping money is a fools game when you have no Knighthood or friends left. ....Rosebud....ahhh............

Signed
Fred (ex Sir)

Hmmm, yes, definite aura of 'flake'...

I'm pretty sure I've read a debunk of this somewhere (could have sworn it was the Guardian, in fact... this has done the rounds on Facebook and similar already) I'm pretty sure those who are dying would be angrier/ less coherent/ not serene enough to make these sorts of judgements. I think its again one of those things that tells us more about contemporary anxieties/ norms/ concerns and nothing whatsoever about the profundities of existence....

We all can learn a lot from this before it is too late...

Regret is selfish - better to show remorse while I can still do something about it.

Two things will hapen to me before I die:
1) I will regret my entire life
2) I will want to live my life over again.

Actor John le Mesurier's words before slipping into a coma were reportedly, "It's all been rather lovely." Now that is what I hope may be my epilogue.

I have only two regrets:

1. Too young for Joanna Lumley.
2. Too old for Kylie.

It's interesting about the "most feminists see this" thing that I slightly took issue with. I've seen many very confident assertions about what feminists (or even women in general) think

Somebody once said to me "don't you get it? feminism is about equality". I then slipped this assumption into another conversation. The reply was "that's not what feminism is about at all". I think both people would make the same claim you did as to how familiar they were with feminist thinking. This sort of thing happens an awful lot.

If I were a cynic I might conclude from this that more important than the actual arguments was to try and persuade me that I knew nothing about feminism and should keep my mouth shut.

I don't think it's controversial to say that feminism is not a specific credo, but many different views, with some themes occurring more often than others.* Another reason why this idea of what "most feminists think" is misleading.

As for what I disagree with in your actual arguments, I'm sure we'll meet again to discuss them on a more suitable CiF page, where we could more justifiably go on all day.

* recently we've had Suzanne Moore (on can Tories be proper feminists) and Julie Burchill give apparently very different views on what feminism should be on these very pages.

spending too much time on the internet

Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rage against the close of day.

Should have come out sooner, my family hate me but at least I'm living my life.

The worst thing that I beleive you can do is"grow up" and forget what it's like to jump in a puddle or laugh out loud in public.

Only when it snows do we remember what its like to have fun with strangers. I always end up in random snowball fights

Oh, I regret just about everything. I'm in a mire I can't see a way out of. It's all very well to know you have to get off the treadmill, but how?

.............from the unknown ...to the known........

........... from the unreal.........to the real.......

.........................from the unseen........... to the seen.

Evolvo mort :)

I imagine in a few years time people on their death beds will be saying "I wish they hadn't privatised the NHS".

@weegirl - I enjoyed your comment but it seems a bit strange. You don't mind a postman seeing you lazing about in the afternoon in your pyjamas but you don't want a coroner to realise that's what you've been doing.