Why did Jensen Kimmitt leave YoYo Factory?

Good question. 

If you know the story, heard the rumors, know me personally, you’ve probably asked yourself at one point. Maybe you even asked me in person and I gave you some bullshit fictitious answer to avoid the realness of this situation for me.

So here it goes (Yeah, another one of these.)

Alright, so… the time is… fall 2009. I just shit my pants on stage at worlds, my girlfriend just went back to San Francisco for her second year of art school AND SECOND YEAR OF LONG DISTANCE, YAY! (I broke up with her, got back together -don’t do that!) and I was crossing the threshold between being a honest, hardworking and all around pretty good guy that has had his problems like anyone else, into a full on introvert recluse with mental problems. 

So I’m talking to Tyler Severance at night on AIM. I used to talk to my GF on skype, AIM and whatever else to close the distance and at the same time she would talk to me, Tyler.. apparently other people, I don’t really know or care anymore.

Tyler starts pouring some shit in my ear. I can only assume he see’s the position that I’m in and he’s ready to take advantage like a good devil’s advocate should. So he tells me that the Brass at YYF think I’m going to jump ship from CLYW and move to YYF to really make some moves. 

I start thinking and business wise it’s a genius plan. 

DISCLAIMER: I’ve had my problems with Tyler since jump, but I believe we’re too similar to dislike each other. I’ve had repeated problems from his camp which appear to be out of jealousy. I talk shit and I deserve to eat shit sometimes. All is fair, love and war.

So I’m sitting there mulling over this move. I play life like chess, I enjoy power moves. They’re intellectually seductive, which I think is the point.

So, I’m sitting there feeling my damn leg in my pocket, feeling my heart being pulled out of my chest by this girl who I’ve been missing for months.. I know I’m going to win Worlds in 2010 and I want to get enough money to escape my nightmare. I wanted my girl back.

So I told Tyler that I’d talk with Chris and that I’d probably make the jump to the dark side. 

Now remember, at this point in my life I’m depressed and don’t know it. I’m acting like an asshole left and right because I don’t go outside very much. I pretty much just stay high, inside my mind and yo-yo for countless hours a day until my girlfriend is available to talk/be too busy to talk because she’s a keener at one of the best schools in America for what she does. I was a weirdo. I mean, I still am, but I was more negative about it back then.

So I write a big e-mail to Chris telling him how I’m going to leave. I explain what I’m doing in a professional manner, knowing full well that this feels like a break-up and I’m going out for the dollar and the girl.

Then I have to write the “What can you offer YoYo Factory and what can YoYo Factory offer you?” e-mail. I pump myself up like a mother-fucker. (I’m being gassed up by Tyler and I love talking shit.) Everything seems to go according to plan.

I go to PNWR in 2010. This, in my mind would be my last freestyle for CLYW and my transition into the “dark side.” lol Boy, was it ever the latter. So, I went to a bunch of east coast contests in 2010 to market myself, but mostly to see my girlfriend. Long distance is hell. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. It makes you nuts. All day long, I’m in my head dreaming about what she’s doing. Impossible.

So at contests, she would meet me and we’d fuck like rabbits and then try to act like we weren’t losing our minds. It was insanity. That particular PNWR was great because I found these really awesome text messages from some douche-bag on her phone proclaiming his love for her -it was all good though ‘cause it was simply platonic. YEAH RIGHT JENSEN, YOU IDIOT, WAKE UP.

So I fuck up my freestyle, treat my girlfriend like shit as per usual because I’m too aloof to see what’s going on; I am manipulated and off I go to Arizona to see the YYF Boyzzzz.

At the time I was all “Fuck yeah!”

In retrospect I’m all “Fuck my life.”

So I get down to AZ and instantly it feels like I’m walking into a trap or something. It’s like everyone is walking on eggshells. I don’t know what’s going on, but it really feels fucked up. I’m staying at the boss’ house, I’m trying not to lose my mind because I KNOW that my girlfriend is fucking around on me, but she’s an incredible liar and I’m a phenomenal sucker for love. 

Suffice to say I’m trippin’.

I’m mostly hanging out with Pat and Tyler. Ben makes me feel weird, Huber is cool -actually, Hans is a mad scientist and Miggy’s Mexican - lol, just kidding. I’m Jensen, I don’t fit in here. It’s like sesame street “One of these things is not lie the other” is playing on repeat in my head the whole time I’m there. 

Even in a professional sense, I don’t understand why I’m there. I thought I’d be put in all the videos and we’d start the promotion 100% but I was put in the mighty flea video..

with Tyler.

Ben joke?

That’s whatever, I don’t get it, but it’s still whatever at this point. 

So let me bring up some relationship perspective for you to tie this all together:

My GF at the time had huge tits. Like, E-cup huge. She’s like Jessica Rabbit, but more of a nerd. She plays yo-yo. Apparently she plays yo-yo enough to hang out at US Nationals when I’m not there. Not to compete, just hang out with all the douche-bags who want to get their dick’s wet after they throw their mediocre, 2,000 views on youtube after a year freestyles. I didn’t get it, but I was too far away, too in love, too stupid and too niave. She played me like I didn’t trust her because I had issues. Nah bitch, I was tripping out because you’re not trustworthy. 

Anyways, I was with CLYW when that shit happened and I just sorta let it eat me alive until I went to Arizona. I asked Tyler what happened that night and he said that nothing happened; that Pat and him walked her to her room and she went to bed by herself. She got up in the morning, played piano and went home. Alright, cool.

The next day: I’m sitting there talking to my GF on skype at the YYF office. Tyler overhears her voice and he gets this “Oh shit, I totally fucked around with your girlfriend, then lied to you about it.” face. So I’m like, MAN WHAT THE FUCK I’M GONNA EXPLODE RIGHT NOW. YO, GF, STOP LYING TO ME.

So she says they slept in the same bed at Nationals and it was just one of those “Tyler was soooo drunk and passed out on my bed, but I didn’t have any place to sleep, so I just slept there. We never touched or anything.” Man, I must have a mother fucking flower pot on my head.

Tyler gets all nervous ‘cause he’s a baby and says “Yeah, I slept upside down on the bed and she slept upright.”

Now if I was a drunk Tyler Severance, would I be sleeping upside down on a bed with Jensen Kimmitt’s big tittied girlfriend? Nah dog, I’d be grinding that shit.

but maybe he is that much of a pussy. ?

I don’t know, either way I took Tyler out back after I got an e-mail from Chris (See, that’s what real friends do. They got your back even when you ditch. THAT SHIT IS REAL. THAT’S WHY I WENT BACK. REAL FRIENDS HAVE YOUR BACK NO MATTER WHAT.) confirming my suspicions of what actually happened in that hotel room in Chico. 

So I take Tyler outside and I tell him I’m going to punch his teeth in and crumple up his face like wheat thin unless he spills the beans. 

HALF WAY THROUGH THIS CUS LAIDEN ALTERCATION

I realize that I just pulled rank in front of Hans’ Mom. I’m making an ass out of myself regardless of how entitled I am to stomp a mother fucker out right now.

So I breakdown. I freak out emotionally, then I fly to SF.

…

Let me just take a second to say damn this a long story. Now you see why I don’t just bring this shit up all the time.

…

So on the plane to SF I’m pumping myself up, getting ready to break up with the girl whom I’m STILL madly in love with and really, just wanting the truth. Like, fiending for the truth. I was a junky scratching invisible bugs for the truth at this point.

Get there, tell her that I want her phone and laptop.

She convinces me I’m crazy. -See, this works all to well with emotionally unstable persons. It’s so easy to point out the truth and then mirror the blame back on the victim. 

We have make-up sex in a random hotel ice-box room. WHAT THE FUCK JENSEN

I end up staying up all night in the rain and get kicked out of the same hotel later for sleeping on a bench on the 14th floor. (I wasn’t allowed to stay in her dorm. It’s all girls and she’s a Residential Assistant.)

The next day: I wait until I can sleep in her dorm during visiting hours. I sleep until she leaves for class and then I’m up rifling through shit in her room trying to find some proof that I’m not crazy - pretty ironic right? She took her computer, so I couldn’t go psycho jealous BF on that shit. I found some shit from Tyler that he’s been mailing her though. It’s all cutesy type shit. It’s good actually. It’s really heartfelt and nice.

Somehow in this manic episode I lock myself outside of her dorm room without my shoes and without a way back into the dorm. I think I went to the bathroom. I don’t even have my shoes, so I can’t even leave.

So the panic builds inside of me. It’s like claustrophobia ‘caused by paranoia, impending emotional trauma and just plain crazy girlfriend/relationship stress. I search this building for an hour trying to find another RA to let me into her room. I’m talking to girls, I’m looking like a total weirdo being the only dude in the whole building. EVEN THE DAMN SECURITY GAURD IS A CHICK.

So I go back to the washroom, close the door and have a mental breakdown. I’ve never cried like that. I’ve never let that emotion out so raw and un-edited. Mostly unedited for volume. Now I’m the only guy in the building, who is crying like a crack baby in the washroom of the all girls dorm. FUCKING SUPER.

She knocks on the door, takes me out of the room, lays me in her bed. I’m an infant.

I ask her “I don’t care what happened. I don’t care what’s happening. As a human to another human, please take me out of this pain. Are you hiding something from me?”

She replies. “No, you’re acting crazy. This is all in your head.”

DISCLAIMER: This was one of the most shitty points in my life and I let myself be completely vulnerable.

She goes to class, I go to Boxthor’s house.

We’re talking, pre-2011 Boxthor’s house. I’m already on edge after like an hour of hanging out with Box. Box is cool. He’s one of the most misunderstood people in the industry. He’s genius under all the weirdness. We get mission burritos with Mexican cokes and that’s cool, but I gotta go freak out again.

So I take the BART to her dorm. I know the other Residential Assistant and she lets me into her room. I find her computer open to a conversation with the person who I will only call THE “COMPLETELY PLANTONIC” DOUCHE TEXTER FROM PNWR or just CPDT for short. So CPDFT is all talking to my girl and it’s not just friend type shit -for like months in the chat log. She’s the type of girl to only video chat while he types. She’s like a performer or something..? Anyways so they’re like in a relationship that I don’t know about.

I’m sitting there like that Scanners scene. Shit’s gonna just blow up.

I make her come to the dorm, I freak out on her trying to find out who she is, she says “I’m nothing.”

Deep. That’s really fucked up.

I phone my dad to try and get a hotel and he says “Well you sorta knew she was going to do that, didn’t you?” 

I guess I really didn’t. I just wanted my girl to be honest. She convinced me she was, obviously.

So I hang up on my Dad. This was bad move, family will always have you back and I shut that door. I try to leave, she wont let me. I guess she’s afraid I’m gonna go visit the Golden Gate Bridge?

I stay. 

We have sex AGAIN - WHAT THE FUCK JENSEN. Bad sex. Weird, hurtful, not cool, but still consensual sex. I still feel like a monster for that night. I let emotion get the best of me and I said some really hurtful words.

The next week is like cat and mouse. She crys, I cry, I yell, she yells. She explains, I explain, she breaks down, I breakdown. She confides in people, I become completely introverted. It’s the beginning of the end. It’s tragedy. I really do love her. She’s incredible and we let it burn. Shambles.

We fuck like rabbits for a week. I don’t know why, but I lust for her. She’s a vixen. 

Break it off, go home. Oh yeah, I won Cal States during that week too, but I wasn’t there if you know what I’m saying. I was on auto pilot until weeks after I got back. I think I didn’t really break down until after I got back from 44 Clash in 2010. I wasn’t myself. 

I turned into a shell of a man. I was a boy who had lost everything I loved. I couldn’t communicate with her anymore. I let her destroy me from the inside over the next year. I even tried to sleep with her twin sister. I don’t know if that was mutual, but judging from all the shit that my girlfriend was able to do, I always wondered. It was a heavily addictive situation with both of them. They are both beautiful women and I’m a sucker.

So.. 

I left YoYo Factory after I got back from Japan. I left YoYo Factory because I made it impossible to stay. It’s the same situation with my ex-girlfriend now. 

“You probably think we’re enemies, but it hurts. I have to tell me best friend that she’ll miss me. In the end, I’m a jerk.”

That’s how I feel about YoYo Factory. I’m too much of an emotional liability to ever get that close to. Only people who have the patience, the rarity, the honesty to love me can get close to me. You can’t invest in Jensen Kimmitt unless you like roller-coasters. YoYo Factory is corporate edgy. I’m Jensen Kimmitt, real life edgy. It just doesn’t work. Oil and Water. 

and that’s that.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t know what happened at US Nats in 2009. I wanted to kill myself over that situation. I’ve looked for answers, I’ve asked the people involved, but I’ve never been satisfied. Tyler hasn’t responded to my e-mail regarding all this shit.. Pat and Ben did, so that’s cool. I mean, it’s all whatever now, but who wouldn’t want to know the truth after going through that?

I mean, she cheated on me with somebody else. I can handle that. I just don’t understand how somebody can be okay with lying and leaving things wrong in their OWN MIND. 

You can’t hide from yourself. Like, really? Let’s be honest here.

Keep it real.

Jensen Kimmitt - A guy who loved a girl and was sponsored by the largest yoyo company in the World.

p.s. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know who had the ill intent, but it’s obvious that somebody wanted to take a shot at me. Don’t throw stones and hide your hands. Cowards live shitty lives and meet equal deaths.