Women and Orgasm
Written by Goddess Tanya Friday, 04 June 2010 21:47
WOMEN AND ORGASM
WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO KNOW
by Tanya, Ph.D.
I remember when I was doing my bachelors degree at university, interviewing my fellow female students to discover how many liked sex and how many had orgasms during sex. Most did not. It seems that my amateur research remains viable. Research studies show that only 25 to 35% of women have orgasms during intercourse.
There was a time when there was only one issue around women and orgasm - was she or was she not orgasmic. Now we know that the issue is much more complex. Some women have never had orgasm, some have orgasm rarely, others have it most of the time or almost always. Some of these women have orgasms that are so small that their partner is not aware that they have had the experience and has to be informed. Others have a solid jolt and may even let out a cry. Others may have full body orgasm, combined vaginal and clitoral orgasm, multiple and extended orgasm and may even ejaculate anything from a tablespoon to a quart of female ejaculate. When women are orgasmic they may be responsive to a wide range of sexual stimulation. Others are aroused and become orgasmic only from a very narrow range of stimulation and may require so much of it that the man may find it difficult to stay tuned into his own turn-on in the providing of it. The average time for women to have an orgasm during intercourse is 45 minutes, which means 50% take more time and 50% take less time than that. How do we account for so much variation in women and what are the factors involved in determining how orgasmic a woman is? Can a woman learn to become more orgasmic? Is the woman’s orgasm her responsibility, her partner’s responsibility or both?
Women can learn to become both orgasmic and powerfully orgasmic. A woman’s capacity to orgasm is influenced by her attitudes and conditioning, the acquirement of certain teachable abilities, and her consciousness. It is also profoundly influenced by the skills of her partner – his understanding of the female anatomy, his ability to follow her sexual energy and take it where she wants it to go, his expectations or lack of them, and his ability to last for extended periods of time. (As most men ejaculate after anywhere from a few minutes to 15 to 20 minutes of intercourse and 50% of women need 45 minutes or more of intercourse before they can have an orgasm, a man’s role in woman’s orgasm is apparent.) The factors involved in woman’s orgasm and how to manage each of these factors so that the end result is ecstatic bliss for the woman deserves a whole book. My partner and I are writing that book. Here are some pointers that indicate the scope of what is involved in how orgasmic a woman is.
When a woman has pretty much given up on taking action to increase her orgasmic pleasure, she needs to develop psychological insight into any sources of resistance to fully letting go in orgasm, instead of regarding the sexual status quo as simply the natural order of things. These include her parentally, socially or religiously conditioned attitudes to sex, sexual abuse, high need to be in control, trust issues, and her attitude to her partner. If she is over 40, she would be wise to determine if she has a hormone imbalance. There are excellent tests for determining hormonal influence on libido and natural hormonal therapy has not been found to have negative effects.
Here is the guidance I give woman who want to learn to be more orgasmic. You can help the woman in your life become more orgasmic by, as best you can, giving her this guidance yourself:
* Relaxation. Learn to relax in a state of high excitement, therefore allowing your sexual energy to spread deeper into the cellular structures of your body.
* Surrender. To allow that to happen, move into a place of surrender and let-go. Allow yourself to succumb to the full expression of your sexual energy throughout your body. Have no façade and no reserve. Be willing for your sexual energy and arousal to be fully exposed.
* Sound. Let every feeling be expressed in a sound that speaks its erotic impact on you. Be a veritable symphony – animalistic crys, moans, sighs, ahh’s and ooh’s , screams, sobs, mmm’s . If you feel it, let him know it through your sounds.
* Consciousness. Your mind is empty. Your senses are alert. You feel every sensation in your body and allow it to expand. The focus of your consciousness places a spot-light on each kinesthetic experience and so intensifies it further. As you relax into it, you disappear into it, and with each disappearance into erotic sensation your sexual energy expands and grows.
* Running Sexual Energy. Running sexual energy is necessary to orgasmic experience. Not only is it a prelude to the experience but it is also part of the experience itself, because when you are in deep orgasm your energy is running like crazy. If you flood your body over and over again with sexual energy, you will ultimately have more energy than your body can hold and your compacted energy will burst its boundaries and go wild in you. If you can keep this sexual energy running in orgasm and go deeper into it, then it becomes a prolonged orgasm and multiple orgasms. Sexual breathing, movement, sound, attention, intention, imagination, and sexual energy circuits are used to spread sexual energy throughout your body. Each of these is a learnable skill.
* Silence. Nothing will happen, however, unless you become very silent inside. The more silent you are, and the more focused on the sensations in your body and your connection to your partner, the more you will feel, and the more you feel the more intensely orgasmic you become. If this is discouraging because you think you have a mind that just won’t stop, the good news is that this too is a learnable skill and if you can focus you can learn it.
* Consciously creating specialness in your relationship with your partner. This requires each of you to learn to focus your attention intensely upon each other from a place of deep appreciation. Instead of spacing out, you move into a place of powerful heart connected presence in which you express, through your eyes, your facial expression, your sounds, and your movements, and, if necessary, your words, your reactions to your partner’s impact on you. This intensifies the erotic moment and builds the energy between the two of you. It also gives your partner feedback about what turns you on and helps him to follow your energy.
* Learn Tantra. One of the most effective ways for a woman to learn to be more orgasmic is to learn Tantra. Tantra teaches the “how to” of woman’s orgasmic bliss not only as it pertains to the woman but also as it pertains to the man. It is highly likely that you can learn to fulfill your orgasmic potential – especially if you have a partner who is willing to fine hone his sexual skills and co-create a more intimate and erotic sexual relationship with you.
The process of learning to be more orgasmic requires a change of consciousness, the development of new sexual and relationship skills, and the transformation of those skills into new mind-body reflexes. There are books that will teach you these things but they are best learned from an experienced teacher who addresses your particular quirks. The point is that orgasm is learnable. I know because once I was a woman who always “nearly had an orgasm.” Now I am a Tantra teacher and a multi-orgasmic woman. The path for me was Tantra and some gifted Tantra teachers, including my Tantric Beloved, and other incredible Tantric partners
Tantra and Tantric Sex - An Overview
Last Updated on Friday, 04 June 2010 18:16 Written by Goddess Tanya Tuesday, 11 August 2009 01:53
Tantra and Tantric Sex - An Overview By Goddess Tanya
Tantra is a spiritual path and a path of sacred sexuality, whereby you come to experience the union of your sexual and spiritual energies. In so doing, you experience the divinity in yourself, your partner and in all of existence. Tantra is concerned with the transformation of energy. It directs us to transform our life-force energy and sexual energy into spiritual energy for the purpose of spiritual enhancement and enlightenment. Within the context of Tantra, sexual relationships and experiences are grist for the mill of our spiritual advancement – which includes creating a bond of sacred love with our partner.
Tantra is an ancient tradition with its roots in Hinduism and Buddhism. It came to America and the west, pioneered in a new form, known as Neo- Tantra. Its resurgence can be attributed mainly to the enlightened Tantric master Osho Rajneesh and his disciples – although others, such as the kria-yoga Tantricas played a crucial role too. Osho Rajneesh underplayed the emphasis on mantras, positions and ritual and placed it on spiritual consciousness, and a unique combination of meditation, non-attachment, risk-taking, wildness and spontaneity. The issue was to go deep, find your true core and express it in its fullness – both in life and in your sexuality.
Sex Education
Last Updated on Saturday, 05 December 2009 21:46 Written by Dr. Corynna Clarke Tuesday, 11 August 2009 01:39
Sex Education by Dr. Corynna Clarke
The act of bringing a child into creation is almost as significant as being human. You give of your self completely. Wanting to be fully present emotionally, providing for them materially and even physically when they fall down and skin a knee. You are also ‘there’ for them spiritually by introducing them to your understanding faith and what it means to you and how you practice your beliefs in day to day life. Ultimately, you are also their first teacher about sexuality. Whether you want to be or not.
It is imperative we begin treating children like the capable adults we want them to be. In a "civilized" culture, how ignorant is it to believe that by not educating our youth honestly about sex that they will ever have the tools to behave responsibly? Knowledge and information is power and my treating kids like mushrooms, keeping them in the dark and feeding them lots of bullshit is NOT the best decision. That plan didn’t work out so well for us, our parents or our granparents. Yet there is still a significant number of parents who believe it is somehow “holy” to operate this way. Yes it is holy infact it is literally full of holes.
Tantric Terms
Last Updated on Wednesday, 20 October 2010 20:59 Written by Dr. Corynna Clarke Tuesday, 12 January 2010 04:29
Tantric & Sacred Sex Terms
Ajna - 6th Chakra, the third eye
Asana - a physical posture, or yoga related position
Amrita-female ejaculate; The Nectar of the Goddess; Fountain of youth
Ananda- divine bliss, oneness with higher realms of holy peace
Anahata - 4th Chakra, the heart center
Atman - the essence of perfection inherent to all creatures
Bandah - muscular lock, used to direct and intensify sacred energy.
Chakras - nerve centers of the subtle body; seven in number, base of spine, genitals, belly, heart, throat, forehead (third eye), top of head
Daka- Male Priest, healer can embody shiva and serve Shakti unconditionally
Dakini - Female Tantrica or Yogini. An attendant or servant to Great Goddess by holding the intention to embody Her highest will; Commonly used to describe a Priestess, healer, alchemist, or initiate skilled at high level arts.
Darma- Your soul's purpose, a completion of karma through Divine servitude
Darshan - inner vision; to see a great or holy individual, either human or divine
Deva - A God, Deity; or cosmic power
Devi - Goddess; Deity; a holy creative power
Dharma - divine duty, or highest spiritual path
Durga - the warrior Goddess
Hatha - literally the "Sun joins the Moon" symbolically translates to the soul's connection with the body
Kama- love
Karma - the accumulated effect, in this life, of deeds and actions in past lives
Kriya - system of internal purification, cleansing process
Kundalini- latent energy located at the base of the spine. Kundalini is like coiled sleeping serpent. The yogi works to gently awaken this dormant energy to attain enlightenment.
Lakshmi- Goddess of abundance, wealth, happiness and prosperity. The consort of Lord Vishnu
Lingam - a man's "wand of light" from Linga, pillar of adoration and worship of Lord Shiva- cosmic masculine force, igniting destruction or creation, consort and Tantric lover to Shakti
Maha - Great, mighty one
Maithuna - Elaborate Tantric ritual with many parts, usually culminating in some form sacred sexual union.
Manipura - 3rd Chakra, the power center, located around the navel
Mantra - a sacred phrase of spiritual significance and power; verbal chant
Maya - illusion that one's personality can use to limit or challenge the Soul
Mudra - sacred hand gestures to focus the body's energy with intention
Muladhara - 1st Chakra, the root center, located at the anus or perineum
Nadis - subtle nerve channels related to physical body and energy healing
Nirvana - Ultimate spiritual peace, a place that transcends birth and death and absolute freedom from attachment is achieved. The Vedas say when you reach the attainment your soul no longer needs to incarnate on the earth plane
Ojas - subtle vital force within the body which can lower immunity and vitality through forced orgasm, excessive and/or genitally focused ejaculation
Prana - Energy, air, breath, life force; received by the body from pure food, nurturing, healing and self transformation
Pranayama - yogic breath techniques; consciously control of breathing patterns to quiet the mind and balance the body's natural energies.
Puja - a specific ritual, or sacred circle of worship
Reiki - Japanese work which employs Universal Healing Energy
Sahasara - 7th Chakra, the crown center, located at the top of the head
Samadhi - deep meditative state
Sattva- blissful illumination, joy
Shakti- the divine mother; the power of consciousness and spiritual evolution
Shaman - American Indian name for a spiritual healer
Shaktipat - an transmission of spiritual energy usually given by a guru
Sky Dancing - a translated Tantric term used to describe transcendental love making where partners, overcome their differences and dance in cosmic space
Sutra- lesson
Swadhistana - 2nd Chakra, the sexual center, located at the genitals
Tejas - fire element of the body which can burn out with excessive toxin intake, drug use, cigarette smoking and even everyday city life.
Upandishads - literally "secret teachings" the last portion of the Vedas
Vissuddi - 5th Chakra, the throat center, located at the throat
Yab-Yum - an asana in which woman sits astride facing her partner; chakras are aligned, alternate breath can accompany this posture, a.k.a. "yogananda" or the position of the cosmic spiral.
Yang- active, quick, firm, masculine or technical energy
Yantra - mystic geometrical diagram used for healing meditation
Yin - receptive, gentle, soft sensuality, feminine or intuitive energy
Yoni- A woman's sacred temple; ring like symbol of Shakti or female power
Yuga - era, epoch. This age is the end of the Kali Yuga
Is Tantra sex?
Last Updated on Saturday, 30 January 2010 17:57 Written by Dr. Corynna Clarke Saturday, 01 August 2009 00:40
Tantra Yoga is both a written and oral tradition that dates back at least 4,000 - some say 20,000 years. It is common in the West to equate Tantra with sex, but in actuality it is a spiritual science and way of life, more concerned with artfully approaching every activity and creating a well-rounded and masterful balance of each aspect of life.
While people are prone to attach Tantra to the Kama Sutra, history reveals the Kama Sutra to be merely a book that has been translated many times, often for kings or rulers who wanted to impose certain sexual standards. Although it does have its roots in Tantra, it has been changed so many times that you would never know it by modern translation.
Tantra is about embracing all of life and taking the middle path. It doesn’t advocate hedonistic indulgence that depletes the life force, nor is it about living an unrealistic saint-like existence that doesn’t include things like lower chakras and bodily functions and needs.
Contrary to Western assumption, several partners, or even one partner is not needed to be Tantric. There are many single and even celibate Tantricas. If the desire for transformation, empowerment and enlightenment is present, then everything needed is within. Each person is born Tantric, the inside wiring is already there.
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