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She used to be one of my top five friends. I would talk to her at least once a day and always get a call rehashing a fun night out. Now? Maybe one of us will send the other a birthday text -- if we remember.

After graduation, there's always some fallout among friends; it seems to be inevitable. Friends take jobs in faraway cities, get married, settle down. Things change. But as I said goodbye to Emily at our college graduation, I never expected that it would be the last time we ever connected as close friends.

Living in one of the less desirable areas of campus, we bonded over the dilapidated dorms, the long bus rides to class (in reality, shorter than my walk to the subway now, but misery loves exaggeration), homesickness, and Southern Comfort stashed deep in dresser drawers. We were fast friends from day two of freshman year.

We lived in the same dorms over the next four years, sharing class woes, morning brunches, relationship advice and future plans. I admired her carefree attitude, her positive spin on life, and her ability to get straight A's just by cramming the night before, while I had to study my butt off.

We took road trips with our friends all over the Northeast -- to football games, concerts and friends' vacation homes. She hailed from out West, so when it came time to go home for Thanksgiving, it made sense for her to spend Thanksgiving with me, meeting my family, getting acquainted with the friends I'd grown up with, and taking a tour of my hometown. We were that close.

But shortly after college, we began to drift. I moved to New York City; she stayed in our college town. I found a job in publishing; she took a gig as a bartender. She worked mostly nights; I worked from 9 to 6. I broke up with my college boyfriend; Emily moved in with hers.

For the first few months after graduation, she would call in the middle of the day to catch up. But it was impossible to talk for too long while at work, so I'd quickly shuffle her off the phone, promising to call later, but frequently I wouldn't. If I experienced some only-in–New York moment I knew she'd appreciate, I'd call at 8 p.m. and leave a message, only to hear back a few days later with a text reading, "So sorry I missed you! Around this weekend?" when the moment had long passed.

In fairness to our friendship, we did both make an effort in the beginning. As I take a walk down memory lane via my email account, we exchanged Facebook messages and emails from my graduation in 2006 until my birthday two years ago.

She had an open invitation to visit, but with her hours and ever-changing schedule, advance planning was difficult. In the year following graduation, I returned to my alma mater for a football game or two. Emily and I hugged, genuinely happy to see each other. But after about five minutes of small talk -- How are you? What are you doing now? -- the conversation fell flat. We defaulted to reminiscing about good times in college, which revealed that we didn't have anything to discuss from our lives now -- we'd drifted too far from our former friendship. For about two years after college, I didn't want to -- or couldn't -- come to terms with the fact that we would never be friends like we were for those four years.

It's difficult to watch a friendship dissolve, and almost disappear, especially when there's no knock-down, drag-out fight that officially brings the friendship to a point of closure. I grasped at straws for reasons we had become distant, blaming the fact that we lived in different cities, or her choosing my boyfriend's side post-breakup, or taking divergent career paths. I guess none of those reasons was really it, though -- it's that we just no longer had much in common besides our great, memorable college experience. And although I regret the loss, Emily was a key part of my college life, and when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing. I wonder if I'm alone in feeling this, but I suspect I'm not.

How have your friendships changed since college? Have you grown closer -- or further apart?


Vanessa Voltolina is an editor and writer living in New York City. She covers health, food and relationships, and has an amazing group of girlfriends she's happy to call her own. Read more of her stories and blog posts on vanessavoltolina.com.