Selected Columns
Kaleidoscope of the Heart: Japan's 'papa guys' need to encourage wives in child-raising
Recently in Japanese society, both fathers with children and unmarried men appear ambitious when it comes to raising children. One advertising agency that compiled a survey highlighting this trend has named such males "papa guys."
Still, a survey by the National Personnel Authority shows that fewer than 2 percent of male national public servants take childcare leave, and the figure may be even lower in the private sector. In reality, it's hard to say with certainty that the number of "papa guys" is actually increasing.
With women, meanwhile, the terms "konkatsu" (marriage hunting) and "work-life balance" have gained popularity, and I think this has put increasing pressure on them to lump "marriage, childbirth and work" together as one set.
Of course, I think the proponents want to say, "It's not a case of being compelled to work or raise children; it's having the right balance without overdoing it." But young women who hate "cutting corners" on such issues stick to the mindset that everything must be done properly.
In my consultation rooms I meet many mothers who are worried about child-raising. At school, grades give a clear idea of how the student is doing, as does business performance when it comes to work. But with child-raising, there is no immediate answer as to whether a person's current method is right or wrong. Even if the serious women are told, "There's no correct answer to child-raising," it's hard to get them to agree.
I have no children myself, so just hearing someone say, "I'm raising children" produces in me both feelings of respect and envy. At those times I purposely forget I'm a psychiatrist, and become a normal person, making sure to convey my true feelings by saying something like, "Wow, a child in elementary school. It must be neat to have a child like that at home. You've done well to raise your child to that age." The reason I say this is because I think the person may take a different view of their everyday lives and think, "I suppose there are some people who think the very fact of being able to live with a child is wonderful."
When I keep up that type of response, many people will say things like, "Well, my child is pretty good, unlike me," and start to display pride in their children. If they can do that they're out of danger. In a short time, the mothers of those children are able to restore their own confidence.
While it may be difficult for fathers to take childcare leave, I at least want to ask them to express appreciation of their wives who have lost confidence in their child-raising abilities as they keep up with housework and other jobs, and tell them, "You're putting in a good effort." I hold high hopes that "papa guys" who care about child-raising will be up to such a task. (By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
Click here for the original Japanese story
(Mainichi Japan) February 7, 2010