In November of 2008, more than a hundred thousand people gathered in Grant Park to celebrate, not just for the election of one man but for what we all thought was the turning of a page in America's dark history of racial prejudice. However, it only took a few months for that mood to completely turn around. Pre-debunked accusations about Obama's religious beliefs, lies about his place of birth, and even threats against the President's life have become common elements of conversation. In rallies and on talk shows, a relatively small but extremely vocal segment of the population now freely express hatred for the President, not for who he is but for what he is.

There can no longer be any doubt that America is simply not ready for a black President, not even a half-black one. Evidently, even Brack Obama has come to understand this sad fact, and after long deliberation, he has come to the decision to take drastic action.

"I was elected to bring about change but my racial identity has become an enormous distraction from the agenda you sent me to Washington to enact," said Obama in an emergency address to the nation on Wednesday. "So, it is with a heavy heart that I must announce that I am half resigning the office of the President effective at noon today. At that time, the part of me that is black will board Marine One and return to Chicago while the white half of me remains in the White House and works harder than ever to effectively govern this great country of ours. Thank you, and God bless America."

Almost immediately, the country's attitude about Obama began to change. His poll numbers shot up by ten points, a cadre of ex-Presidents appeared in the Oval Office to ask him to join the Masons, and the elderly woman who replied "up yours, nigger" when he attempted to shake her hand at an event in July phoned to apologize.

Just hours later the White House received news that two unnamed Republican Senators have decided to support the President's healthcare reform plan- with the stipulation that no one is to ask them why they didn't support it when the President was still half-black.

The surprising half-resignation is not without its downside, however. While his support in the African American community remains constant (he didn't change parties after all), polls show a significant dip in enthusiasm among white liberals. Also, the coveted "First Black President" trophy will return to Bill Clinton's mantle, and in an official ceremony in the rose garden scheduled later this week, a committee of black leaders will take away the President's Race Card.

"Am I disappointed that racism is still so pervasive in this country, that people of color still have so many roadblocks to achieving their full potential due solely to the ignorance of others? Of course. Then again, I'm only half disappointed."