While every new Apple product is scrutinized closely by an army of ambulance chasers, taking issue with Apple's speed claims regarding the iPhone 3G is probably a somewhat reasonable position...unless you realize that Apple doesn't expect you to trust them in the first place. After a legal complaint by 70-year-old William Gillis over the "twice as fast for half the price" statement found in iPhone 3G marketing, Apple responded with a 9-page, 32-point rebuttal—one paragraph of which included this overly harsh, but very telling, statement:

Plaintiff's claims, and those of the purported class, are barred by the fact that the alleged deceptive statements were such that no reasonable person in Plaintiff's position could have reasonably relied on or misunderstood Apple's statements as claims of fact.

In other words, if you believe what Apple says in an Apple ad, you are not a reasonable person. Well that point is more clear by the moment, isn't it? [Legal Doc (pdf) via Wired]