Teenagers are old enough to take responsibility, perhaps to be told that if they want something, they'll have to earn the money for it.
"Parents should always basically reassure their kids that they might be under some stress, but to say, 'We're here to take care of you,'" said Richard Gallagher, a psychologist who heads the Parenting Institute at New York University's Child Study Center.
"We don't have to think of ourselves based upon our clothing or what things we've acquired," said Gallagher.
When the Stoneman children whined for new stuff, their father tried a new approach: he got a notebook and labeled it "Blessings." In the evening, each member of the family would write down things for which they were grateful.
"It was really impressive," said Jeanette Stoneman, leafing through the book, "and it was also very interesting how rarely those things were material things."
She read some examples. "My daughter was grateful for her little brother snuggling. One of my sons was grateful for turtles when they're not stinky -- I don't know what that was about."
She turned to other pages. "We have everything from eyelids, to Graham crackers, to juice, and Piglet, from 'Winnie-the-Pooh.'"
She paused and bit her lip. "When you realize all that you do have," she said, "it makes the things that you don't have seem small in comparison."