Original headline:
Can't sleep? Blame it on the UFO Abduction Syndrome
Growing numbers of Japanese are terrified at the prospect of coming down with UFO Abduction Syndrome, screams Weekly Playboy (8/19-26).
"It's true," screeches a man we'll refer to as Akira, a self-professed expert on alien phenomena. "We're at the calm before the storm."
Akira claims to have been let in on the secret of the growing number of alien abductions by a white-collar worker with whom he is acquainted. Akira recalls the man's story.
"Doctors wouldn't listen to him, so he came to me, because he knew I would believe, and his problems concerned aliens," Akira says. "It was no lie."
Akira's acquaintance continues.
"My bedroom was pitch black. Then, all of a sudden, I felt something pushing up through my nostrils. It was hard. And cold, like some sort of metal. It squirmed all the way through to the end of my nose. It didn't hurt at all. I told myself that I was only dreaming, but it didn't stop. It still fills like some foreign object is trapped up my nose. That's why I get these headaches that won't stop. My head hurts so much, it feels like it's going to split in two. That metallic object was bound to be some sort of magnetic signal device. Only aliens could do that sort of thing," he says.
That's not all.
"When I open my eyes, my body is floating in a room so bright it almost stings when I look. Next thing I know, I've fallen back onto the bed in my apartment. I betcha that bright room is the inside of a UFO," the white-collar worker says.
Extra terrestrial observer Akira is convinced that something unworldly is afoot.
"Extensive research has been carried out in the United States on alien abduction. It showed that one in every eight adults had experienced a period of at least one hour where they did not know where they were. One in 10 had also reported going through an out of body experience. One in 12 had been in a room filled with bright lights. Another one in 50 said they had been abducted by aliens. If you work that out against Japan's population, about 2 million Japanese have been abducted," Akira says. "Recently, there have been loads of UFO sightings near Mount Fuji and in Hokkaido. I tell you, it's the calm before the storm."
Medical experts have different ideas.
"Those who suffer from a type of sleep apnea lose oxygen flow through the body, their heartbeat races, breathing becomes difficult and the chest gets constricted. These symptoms are referred to as UFO Abduction Syndrome. While the afflicted may think they've been kidnapped by extra terrestrials, UFO Abduction Syndrome is actually a type of sleep disorder," physician Akihiro Nabuchi tells Weekly Playboy, before making an ominous addition. "Still, I have to admit that we really don't know whether UFOs actually exist."