HIMEKA in JAPAN

I slept.
I calmed down a little.
So I’m erasing the previous post.

I already knew from way before that as a foreigner who wants to sing in Japan, I would get a lot of people either making fun of me or insulting me so… I can’t go back.

From my wordpress dashboard, I can see the incoming links people clicked on to get to my blog.
I guess some people have nothing better to do than search for trouble and make fun of others.
I’ll never understand that.

It’s indeed easy to sit at the computer and type insults to people.

I’m someone who’s had a lot of emotional difficulties in life.
And even though I’m far from being what I wish I could be, I’m proud enough that I was able to get up and do something about it. I’ve been insulted and laughed at plenty when I was younger and even though I should be immuned to it, I’m not. I’m a human being.

All I can say is… I’ll do my best to ignore it as much as possible from now on.
I can’t control all the frustrated people out there who need to insult others to feel better.

Thank you, namnam, Nicole and Kathleen for your comments.
I’m sorry the previous post went away and so did your comments.
I appreciate the support.

It’s a fact though. I saw the dvd for the contest.
I don’t think I can call my singing there great.
No matter how ashamed I am about my appearance, japanese level and personality…
If at least I had sang well enough to be proud of it…. but no.
When you sing in a big live hall, the sound comes from the speakers everywhere and echoes a bit.
The music is loud enough that the singing gets a bit dampened by it.
So I think being there at the event makes you seem like you sound better.
But for the TV program, they took the sound directly from the sound system, which is pretty much raw.
So obviously, you hear the REAL thing.
But I was shocked because I really didn’t think I did so bad.
To be honest, I think my karaoke video on youtube sounds better than the tv program of me at the contest.
So…..whoever you are. If you’re not too picky and end up finding the show and watch it….then that’s one thing… but I already know a lot of people will be disappointed. I just hope I don’t have friends who end up trying to defend me saying ’she sounds much better than this video! she must have been nervous!’. I don’t want to see that kind of comment. I already know that this isn’t my best.
And I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able not to feel nervous on a stage someday. I’m more nervous than the average even just in everyday life.

So I’m going to keep singing for the people who have interest in it.
And for myself.
The haters I have/will have won’t change the cd sales rate in any way, so I guess it’s pointless for me to pay attention to them at this point…

I don’t like posing for pictures.
I don’t like interviews nor public speech.
I don’t like to be in videos.
But I want to sing.
And for the sake of singing, I will do my best to bear with showing my face and do what is required to be part of the music world. I don’t have much of a choice.

Thank you to all the people who have been supportive up till now.
That’s all I want to say for now.

-HIMEKA

I’m sorry for the lack of update, everyone!
I know it’s kinda late, but I wanted to say thank you for your concerns.
I’m okay with money after all. Things got fixed before I get my pay from my job at the restaurant, so I’m fine. Thank you.

I unfortunately broke my digital camera. I am trying to find a place to get it fixed. I’m not sure if it can be fixed though…If it’s not possible to fix it, I will have to live without it for now. My next priority of purchase is a winter coat. I have one from Canada but it’s really short and not warm, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to catch a cold because I’m not dressing properly. I saw one that I liked today, I might return to buy it tomorrow since I’m getting my pay. At least my cell can take pictures, even if it’s not good quality ones, it’s better than nothing. But I can’t take any videos unless I have a camera that can take videos, obviously…. so I’m sorry if it might take a while until I put something new up (on youtube). Sorry!!

Other than that, I got myself a nice 2009 calendar and agenda. I tend to write things here and there and I should try to be slightly more orderly. ^^; The store I saw had so many cute calendars, it was so hard for me to pick… I don’t remember seeing such lovely things when I was in Canada.

Christmas is drawing closer!! Then again it’s just an other ordinary day for me. But I love the lights. The surroundings of Shinjuku station is so full of pretty lights!!!

In front of Harajuku at ‘la foret’, they also put up a huge christmas decorated tree.

I’m sure a lot of places are getting cold lately, so make sure to stay warm!!

-HIMEKA

Thank you so much for your ideas and opinions on my previous post!
I am very grateful for the time you took to write to me.

I won’t write more details about this tonight, except I want to say that even though I’m still tired and stressed out, a big chunk of worries has fallen off my shoulders.

I feel more positive and hopeful towards the future.
I wish this for all people as well.
Be flexible, but never lose hope. And don’t think something won’t work unless you are 100% sure it won’t work.
And even then…. who knows… maybe you didn’t see that there was still a 0.0000001% of hope.

Isn’t hope what keeps us going?
Hope is the most motivating feeling in the world.
I realized that more than ever a few days ago.

Tomorrow I have an event at Osaka!
Shuhei Kita, Hikari-chan and ST-awake will be performing as well.
It’s my first time in the shinkansen and also my first time in Osaka.
But I won’t have much time to visit around…. so maybe another time!
I’m going to do my best!!!

I subscribed to Nana Mizuki’s fanclub! I’m waiting for my member’s card to arrive!
But they are SO nice! Even though I wasn’t officially a member yet, they sent me the informations for the tickets to the Live she’s doing in january! If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have made it to the deadline for the priority tickets.

So…I got my first Nana Mizuki concert ticket.
And I’m going to be part of the fanclub seats, so I imagine I will be *in* the action, haha!
I can’t wait. <3

I’ve tried to start a diet so many times but….I keep failing. If I start in the morning, in the evening I give up. I love eating too much. The problem isn’t food itself though…it’s because I’m not eating well. I eat chocolate everyday. And a lot of greasy foods. I know and heard from some friends (one of them is a pharmacist) that despite what people are thinking, pimples don’t really come directly from the food you eat….. BUT…I was thinking, it can’t really hurt for me to try to ‘clean’ my insides a bit.

My first reason isn’t weight. It’s true that I’ve gained a bit of weight since I came to Japan….and since my legs aren’t small, I wouldn’t be unhappy to lose a bit of extra meat, BUT! The true reason is truly my face. I’m having pimples like crazy. I do my best to apply makeup but…. there are times when they’re pretty hard to hide. I guess from a distance, it’s not too bad, but…wow. My raw face (without any makeup) looks hideous right now. I suspect my high level of stress and hormones is the main problem….but it’s not like I know what I could do against that. I don’t have money to go see a doctor for that. ^^;

Talking about money…..because I wanted to go to Nana Mizuki’s concert so badly with the priority tickets…. I ended up sacrificing my money remains until my next pay from my job at the restaurant. My pay is on the 10th. You don’t want to know how much I got left to eat everyday…haha. Oh well! It’s helping my diet anyway. And it’s not everyday I’ll get to see Nana Mizuki’s concert so… yay!!!

I’m drinking lots of water and trying to eat more vegetables and cutting off the junk food. Of course I don’t eat just vegetables…..but I’m really doing my best to eat well.

See you soon!!!
I love you all (but I hate some of you! haha. okay, I’m just kidding…or maybe I’m not!! :P) <33

-HIMEKA

I need your votes.

If you were to pick my artist name. And had no restriction. Don’t think of the practical or logical issues.

How many of you would be happier if I went by ‘Catherine St-Onge’ (hence, my real name)?

How many of you would be happier if I went by ‘HIMEKA’ (my artist name and name that I’ve been personally using since 12 years ago)?

How many of you would be happier if I went by ‘Catherine’ (just my first name)?

How many of you would be okay with me being ‘Catherine-HIMEKA’ (that sounds highly uncool, but it’s probably the only way that I can incorporate the ‘HIMEKA’ part in my name)?

Please be honest! I’d like to know what you think.

The truth is… I don’t have a choice though, but I’d still would like to see what some of my readers/listeners think.

-HIMEKA

FIRST : Thank you to everyone who was able to watch my silly karaoke video!! And thank you for all the kind comments. The listeners are the life of the singer, so I’m grateful I got you. <3

Nana Mizuki is doing a concert in January 2009.

I AM SO GOING!! I don’t care even if I wouldn’t have the money.

I’m so sad I had to miss the one last time.

I’m most likely going alone because I don’t know anyone around me in Japan who is a fan of hers, but it’s ok!!! I’ll probably be surrounded by a bunch of Nana fanboys…haha. But I’m sure there are girls who go too! It’ll be fun, no matter what.

I finally took the time to sign up for Nana’s fanclub. Yay! I’m such a dork. Well, I’m not signed yet, but as soon as the steps are completed, I will get my members’ card! Woohoo! (should I be embarassed? lol)

I  bought a small thingie (I don’t know how to call it) or my laptop. Not a chair, not a table…just a small……….thing…. like… to use when you’re too small to reach something. You can sit on it too. I don’t know how to call it, but it’s very convenient! I don’t have to hurt my back nor crook myself anymore! It will probably also help because the laptop often overheats. I put it on a surface with no holes. But on this thing, I think there is plenty of air and freshness that won’t make it crash as much anymore. Hopefully.

I bought a cd today. I know I shouldn’t spend money but I wanted it.

A Suara cd. I loved her voice from before (when I first heard of her in 2006), but I suddenly realized I wanted one of her cds to listen to. Her voice is so rich and warm……..I don’t know how to explain it. But I feel so relaxed and peaceful when I listen to her voice. It makes me happy…. I first went to HMV that is the closest to me……….but……..even after looking again and again….they had NO Suara cd!!!! So I stopped by Tower Records. I’m starting to think maybe I should get a card from Tower Records too….

(Okay….I’m embarassed to admit it because I’m poor and worried about money and want to move…….but I bought another cd too. T_T KOKIA’s new album ‘KOKIA meets Ireland’. It’s so beautiful…. I love KOKIA’s voice and style…I couldn’t resist!!! ;0; forgive me……….then again, I’m the one who needs to apologize to my own self since it’s my own money and I’m punishing my own self…lol)

On my way, I stopped to see Yuki at her job!! She was so cute in her uniform..haha. I should have taken a picture. I also stopped at other food kiosks…bought some yummy breads. <3 It was all delicious.

I wasn’t going to post because I’m tired and need to go to bed, but I thought I’d post a little something at least. I feel so bad that I’m again making this too quickly and don’t have the energy left to do a japanese translation. =_= I’m feel so mean….. But I think there aren’t a lot of japanese people looking here anyway… (most probably because I wasn’t doing a japanese version of my posts in the first place…)

I have work tomorrow and on friday too and stuff to do in the evening on both days.

I’ll try to enjoy life as I can! Even when there’s duty, it’s part of life!

(When I was a kid, I thought if you pretend something is a game, it will become fun. So I taught my brother how to pretend to play while cleaning up. Haha. We pretended we were at a store buying stuff. So we put the items back in place after we bought it. Something like that. The good old days… I wish I can do that with work too! Pretend it’s some fun game… God, give me back my imagination and magic powers!!!)

-HIMEKA

Hi everyone.
I’ve been busy, as usual.

I was going to post something long, but I decided I’m just going to ignore the bad things going on.

Things aren’t easy, but I have to do my best.
I knew that since way before I was even able to come to Japan.
My situation is unusual, so I knew even before this that I would get more critic than encouragements.

But for the sake of all the things I sacrificed and left behind,
I will move forward and do my best.

And also for the sake of my friends and listeners/supporters.

It feels like a repeat of middle school, but adult version.
Can I overcome it this time?
Can I prove that I’m strong despite being so weak?
———-

I got my hands on the other Animax contestants’ e-mails!
I still haven’t written to anyone except one person.
Thank you so much…

Today I am going to meet one of my previous roommates I haven’t seen in so long.
It will be refreshing.

I’m very emotionally tired these days.

But I’ll do my best.

-HIMEKA

I…

I want fries. T_T

フライドポテト。。。（泣）

ANNOUNCEMENT :

FROM NOW ON, I AM 20 YEARS OLD.

You are not allowed to oppose this decision.

２０歳が決定！文句禁止。決まりました。

***I lost my mixi due to unfortunate circumstances (negligence??). Is there anyone on this planet that has a mixi who could send me an invite? T0T

-HIMEKA