HIMEKA in JAPAN

Thank you so much for your ideas and opinions on my previous post!
I am very grateful for the time you took to write to me.

I won’t write more details about this tonight, except I want to say that even though I’m still tired and stressed out, a big chunk of worries has fallen off my shoulders.

I feel more positive and hopeful towards the future.
I wish this for all people as well.
Be flexible, but never lose hope. And don’t think something won’t work unless you are 100% sure it won’t work.
And even then…. who knows… maybe you didn’t see that there was still a 0.0000001% of hope.

Isn’t hope what keeps us going?
Hope is the most motivating feeling in the world.
I realized that more than ever a few days ago.

Tomorrow I have an event at Osaka!
Shuhei Kita, Hikari-chan and ST-awake will be performing as well.
It’s my first time in the shinkansen and also my first time in Osaka.
But I won’t have much time to visit around…. so maybe another time!
I’m going to do my best!!!

I subscribed to Nana Mizuki’s fanclub! I’m waiting for my member’s card to arrive!
But they are SO nice! Even though I wasn’t officially a member yet, they sent me the informations for the tickets to the Live she’s doing in january! If they didn’t, I wouldn’t have made it to the deadline for the priority tickets.

So…I got my first Nana Mizuki concert ticket.
And I’m going to be part of the fanclub seats, so I imagine I will be *in* the action, haha!
I can’t wait. <3

I’ve tried to start a diet so many times but….I keep failing. If I start in the morning, in the evening I give up. I love eating too much. The problem isn’t food itself though…it’s because I’m not eating well. I eat chocolate everyday. And a lot of greasy foods. I know and heard from some friends (one of them is a pharmacist) that despite what people are thinking, pimples don’t really come directly from the food you eat….. BUT…I was thinking, it can’t really hurt for me to try to ‘clean’ my insides a bit.

My first reason isn’t weight. It’s true that I’ve gained a bit of weight since I came to Japan….and since my legs aren’t small, I wouldn’t be unhappy to lose a bit of extra meat, BUT! The true reason is truly my face. I’m having pimples like crazy. I do my best to apply makeup but…. there are times when they’re pretty hard to hide. I guess from a distance, it’s not too bad, but…wow. My raw face (without any makeup) looks hideous right now. I suspect my high level of stress and hormones is the main problem….but it’s not like I know what I could do against that. I don’t have money to go see a doctor for that. ^^;

Talking about money…..because I wanted to go to Nana Mizuki’s concert so badly with the priority tickets…. I ended up sacrificing my money remains until my next pay from my job at the restaurant. My pay is on the 10th. You don’t want to know how much I got left to eat everyday…haha. Oh well! It’s helping my diet anyway. And it’s not everyday I’ll get to see Nana Mizuki’s concert so… yay!!!

I’m drinking lots of water and trying to eat more vegetables and cutting off the junk food. Of course I don’t eat just vegetables…..but I’m really doing my best to eat well.

See you soon!!!
I love you all (but I hate some of you! haha. okay, I’m just kidding…or maybe I’m not!! :P) <33

-HIMEKA

I need your votes.

If you were to pick my artist name. And had no restriction. Don’t think of the practical or logical issues.

How many of you would be happier if I went by ‘Catherine St-Onge’ (hence, my real name)?

How many of you would be happier if I went by ‘HIMEKA’ (my artist name and name that I’ve been personally using since 12 years ago)?

How many of you would be happier if I went by ‘Catherine’ (just my first name)?

How many of you would be okay with me being ‘Catherine-HIMEKA’ (that sounds highly uncool, but it’s probably the only way that I can incorporate the ‘HIMEKA’ part in my name)?

Please be honest! I’d like to know what you think.

The truth is… I don’t have a choice though, but I’d still would like to see what some of my readers/listeners think.

-HIMEKA

FIRST : Thank you to everyone who was able to watch my silly karaoke video!! And thank you for all the kind comments. The listeners are the life of the singer, so I’m grateful I got you. <3

Nana Mizuki is doing a concert in January 2009.

I AM SO GOING!! I don’t care even if I wouldn’t have the money.

I’m so sad I had to miss the one last time.

I’m most likely going alone because I don’t know anyone around me in Japan who is a fan of hers, but it’s ok!!! I’ll probably be surrounded by a bunch of Nana fanboys…haha. But I’m sure there are girls who go too! It’ll be fun, no matter what.

I finally took the time to sign up for Nana’s fanclub. Yay! I’m such a dork. Well, I’m not signed yet, but as soon as the steps are completed, I will get my members’ card! Woohoo! (should I be embarassed? lol)

I  bought a small thingie (I don’t know how to call it) or my laptop. Not a chair, not a table…just a small……….thing…. like… to use when you’re too small to reach something. You can sit on it too. I don’t know how to call it, but it’s very convenient! I don’t have to hurt my back nor crook myself anymore! It will probably also help because the laptop often overheats. I put it on a surface with no holes. But on this thing, I think there is plenty of air and freshness that won’t make it crash as much anymore. Hopefully.

I bought a cd today. I know I shouldn’t spend money but I wanted it.

A Suara cd. I loved her voice from before (when I first heard of her in 2006), but I suddenly realized I wanted one of her cds to listen to. Her voice is so rich and warm……..I don’t know how to explain it. But I feel so relaxed and peaceful when I listen to her voice. It makes me happy…. I first went to HMV that is the closest to me……….but……..even after looking again and again….they had NO Suara cd!!!! So I stopped by Tower Records. I’m starting to think maybe I should get a card from Tower Records too….

(Okay….I’m embarassed to admit it because I’m poor and worried about money and want to move…….but I bought another cd too. T_T KOKIA’s new album ‘KOKIA meets Ireland’. It’s so beautiful…. I love KOKIA’s voice and style…I couldn’t resist!!! ;0; forgive me……….then again, I’m the one who needs to apologize to my own self since it’s my own money and I’m punishing my own self…lol)

On my way, I stopped to see Yuki at her job!! She was so cute in her uniform..haha. I should have taken a picture. I also stopped at other food kiosks…bought some yummy breads. <3 It was all delicious.

I wasn’t going to post because I’m tired and need to go to bed, but I thought I’d post a little something at least. I feel so bad that I’m again making this too quickly and don’t have the energy left to do a japanese translation. =_= I’m feel so mean….. But I think there aren’t a lot of japanese people looking here anyway… (most probably because I wasn’t doing a japanese version of my posts in the first place…)

I have work tomorrow and on friday too and stuff to do in the evening on both days.

I’ll try to enjoy life as I can! Even when there’s duty, it’s part of life!

(When I was a kid, I thought if you pretend something is a game, it will become fun. So I taught my brother how to pretend to play while cleaning up. Haha. We pretended we were at a store buying stuff. So we put the items back in place after we bought it. Something like that. The good old days… I wish I can do that with work too! Pretend it’s some fun game… God, give me back my imagination and magic powers!!!)

-HIMEKA

Hi everyone.
I’ve been busy, as usual.

I was going to post something long, but I decided I’m just going to ignore the bad things going on.

Things aren’t easy, but I have to do my best.
I knew that since way before I was even able to come to Japan.
My situation is unusual, so I knew even before this that I would get more critic than encouragements.

But for the sake of all the things I sacrificed and left behind,
I will move forward and do my best.

And also for the sake of my friends and listeners/supporters.

It feels like a repeat of middle school, but adult version.
Can I overcome it this time?
Can I prove that I’m strong despite being so weak?
———-

I got my hands on the other Animax contestants’ e-mails!
I still haven’t written to anyone except one person.
Thank you so much…

Today I am going to meet one of my previous roommates I haven’t seen in so long.
It will be refreshing.

I’m very emotionally tired these days.

But I’ll do my best.

-HIMEKA

I…

I want fries. T_T

フライドポテト。。。（泣）

ANNOUNCEMENT :

FROM NOW ON, I AM 20 YEARS OLD.

You are not allowed to oppose this decision.

２０歳が決定！文句禁止。決まりました。

***I lost my mixi due to unfortunate circumstances (negligence??). Is there anyone on this planet that has a mixi who could send me an invite? T0T

-HIMEKA

Hiyo!

Yesterday I had work until late afternoon, then went for some more singing practice and a few errands.
When I got back home, I still had a bunch of things to do, but I also learned last minute that I had to go *sleep* at a hotel tonight.
I knew from before that I needed to go meet up for something today, and at a hotel, for interviews and stuff, but I thought it was a meeting and nothing else. I didn’t know what time until last night…

So it looks like there is no interview today after all.
But the 10 finalists have to sleep at the same hotel tonight.
We have to check out around 7am because we meet up at 7:15am and head out to the contest hall.

So I had to rush at packing up a suitcase, since I need a bunch of things to prepare for tomorrow morning. But I’m done. The only thing left to pack is my laptop. I have no clue if there is internet connection there, but I’m bringing it anyway.

Today I also went for a 3 hours singing practice.
My throat is very tired.
I’m not sure if I should try to go again tonight, if there is a karaoke place near the hotel/station.
I should head over there soon, since everyone should be signed in before 7pm (it’s already 5pm now).

It’s starting to hit me now.
The fear.
And I realize how big this event is and it’s stressing me out.
I want to sing well….
That is what I wish over everything else.
I want to feel satisfied about my singing. Not regret and feel like I didn’t do well.
I feel like no matter how much I practice, my singing is far from being flawless, and I’m thinking maybe I didn’t make the best song choices now…but it’s too late to be able to turn back, so….

I’ll do everything I can.
I don’t want to have anyone holding grudges against me.
I’ve been picked to be part of the finalists, so I have to do my best.
There is no other choice.

No matter how much I try…

When I wake up in the morning and remember how pointless my life is and how alone I am here,

I feel like crap again…

Oops…I did it again!
I made some posts ‘disappear’.

But I really want to say a huge thank you to all the ones who wrote those encouraging comments.
I can still see them (but you can’t!), so don’t worry. I cherish them in my heart.

I’m sorry I’m not a very strong person and I keep falling over and over again.
Today I really thought I couldn’t fall any lower, but I decided to kick myself in the butt.
No matter how tough and impossible things are, no matter how alone I am, I have to find a way through all this, somehow.
Even if not a single person would encourage me. Even if everyone would point their fingers at me…
In the end, it should come from within, the courage, the willpower to keep going.

I’m not saying that all carefree and stupidly like a sudden realization. I already knew that.
But I try to remind myself once in a while, when I feel like I’m running out of fuel.

It’s a constant battle though. It doesn’t suddenly become all happy and easy and I’m back on my feet. I’m regularly falling down…sometimes several times a day.

But today I went out. Intensive karaoke practice, 4 hours. Ack. My throat hurt right after, but I’m fine now. I actually didn’t want to come back to the dorm, so I kept extending my stay. After that, I decided to treat myself to some yummy breads in one of those bakery shops at Takashimaya. <3

Then I went to the book store to look for some possible japanese grammar books and such…

I love going to Shinjuku, for some reason. More than Harajuku and Shibuya. Probably because I don’t have any painful memory related to that place. Memories of things that are no more…. =_=

I have work tomorrow. Then I will probably run a few needed errands and go for some singing practice again.

On saturday, I have to meet up with the Animax staff related to the finals. I imagine I will get to see the other finalists as well…. I don’t know what time yet. But I’ll have to find time to practice on that day too.

Sunday (the finals), I have to be there at 7am, so I probably need to get up very very early.

Lately, since I haven’t had lots of work, I watched a bit of anime.
Itazura na Kiss (Mizuki Nana <3)
Vampire Knight (I’m anxiously waiting for the next season now, for some reason)
Kino no Tabi (who said I had to watch new ones only?)

I only started on Kino no Tabi, but I like it very much.
It’s full of life lessons and makes you reflect on things.
I like these kinds of simple but meaningful stories.

Lately the dorm life has been stressing me out more.
I’m trying to ignore the feeling a bit…

You know, how ironic it is….
How people do things for you that you don’t really need, yet they think that’s what you’d want and need.
And you do the same for others. You do what you think they might want and need, but you’re completely mistaken.
So people get sad and upset. And they feel like they’re not understood. Or that this person doesn’t care.

Isn’t it sad though?
Sometimes I wish I understood better….what to do for the people that matter to me.
I know that I can’t expect others to do the things I want, but if at least I could do it for others….
It must be so great to see someone’s true smile as you do what they hope you’d do.

Most of the time, I think people won’t ever say in words what they want.
It’s usually not so easy to guess.
And they’ll try to be nice and kind to you if you do something for them, even though they wished for completely something else.

I wish I were wiser and more intuitive…
Then maybe I could be of use to others, for real….

I think most people treat others through their own understanding and experiences in life, so they only truly understand themselves or people most similar to them.

Anyway..enough babbles for tonight.
Thanks to whoever read this through the end.

May you all be well, goodnight.

-HIMEKA