A healthy helping hand that won't deplete your wallet

[Anchorman]

Are you suffering from severe carpal tunnel syndrome and physically unable to relieve yourself? Or are you merely experiencing short-term cash flow problems and unable to afford 'honban' (the real thing) or 'sumata' -- best described as the closest you can get to the real thing without penetration?

Whatever the problem, Asahi Geino (Aug. 9) reports there's any number of ways to flog a dolphin, so to speak, by seeking out the type of affordable emporiums referred to in the pink trade as "hand health."

Indeed, if you're at ease with a brief burst of low-budget worm-burping, 'te-koki' (hand job) services are available in major cities for as little as 2,980 yen.

What's more, the femmes who work these shops are not only cute, but offer a full repertoire of tossing techniques, from titillating up to tumescence at the start, to a brisk pumping of the prostate for the finale.

At "Chick and Chacha" in Shinjuku's Kabukicho, Asahi Geino discovers, the customers who drop in range from kids in their teens to elderly retirees. It's easy to see why, as a friendly fling from a flying-fingered milkmaid costs them only 4,000 yen.

"A lot of our customers tell me they drop in just before they are obliged to attend those boring afternoon company meetings," says Izumi, who's 23. "I guess they figure getting a good wank beforehand makes the time seem to pass faster."

You can never tell how much a guy will ejaculate," observes Sakura, a masseuse at "CC Cats" in Shibuya, who says she's 21. "Some guys build up a real load and let fly with what looks like three shots all at once."

"Let's see how much we can come up with," she winks, reaching for the reporter's crotch.

She applies milk lotion to the various parts, while gently fondling his anus, and began vigorous hand action. But when she detected he was about to pop, she slowed down, speeding up and slowing down, prolonging the process until his milky missile was into the final stages of launch.

"Ready so soon? I thought you'd hang on a little longer," she pouts. "You wouldn't be able to satisfy a gal like this."

"But ... I can't hold back any longer," he gasps, and soon he's huffing and puffing with his second spurt of the session.

"You can have regular sex with a girl without paying for it, but she won't give you this sort of service, will she?" Sakura remarks smugly, essentially rationalizing why so many males ultimately find the commercial version of sex more satisfying than emotional relationships.

In Kansai, explains Asahi Geino, hand health clubs are referred to as "ona-kurabu," where the "ona" a shortened form of Onanism. Their number is relatively few, probably no more than 10. But what they lack in quantity is made up for in quality.

"To make sure our customers are satisfied, we combine a wide variety of courses and options along with cute masseuses," asserts a staff member of "Pink Hands," located in the Tanimachi 9-chome district.

Our reporter opts for the 20-minute hand job course for 6,000 yen. Before the fun begins, he's handed a questionnaire sheet and asked to write in his responses to nine questions, including, "How do you like the girl to talk to you?" And "Do you prefer a vigorous wanking speed or slower one?"

"This enables the girl to provide customized services," the staff member explains with a completely straight face.

Cooing in Kansai dialect, Miss Pink Hands shifted to a firm two-handed grip at the base of the reporter's root, and while permitting him to massage her nipples at no extra charge, proceeded to milk him dry. (By Masuo Kamiyama, People's Pick contributor)