Nano/Music

September 26, 2008 in Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | No comments

I still need to thank all of you for the wonderful comments you left in my blog.
I am extremely grateful to have people who support me.
Even if things aren’t and won’t be easy, I feel like I’m not completely alone, no matter how far you might be from me, physically.

Thank you all, so much.

By the way, I have the mixi problem fixed. Someone sent me an invite! Thanks so much for the offers though!!! (Nano sent one to me before I saw any other comments when I got back home from work - Thank you Nano!!!!)

Talking about Nano….

Nano participated in a live event tonight.

I was so moved by her performance.
She was so emotional in the way she sang.
It made me realize how much she’s grown as an artist since the time when I first heard her sing.
I’m not good with words in general, so for me….expressing what I feel inside is very frustrating but….

It’s as if I still can’t believe all that is happening.
That we were both two people who went through so much in life…
With our own personal battles….
And yet our paths crossed.
And we worked towards our goals together
Even when separated
And even still now

Thank you, God.
Even when things are so difficult, physically and emotionally….
There are so many other things that are good to make up for the bad.
I feel like I’ve been blessed.

For people who might still not know….
Nano is someone who really changed something in me.
Me who couldn’t see the light…
Who thought everything seemed to be over…
And even though there was still a bit of hope left inside my heart…
It’s Nano who helped me revive it.
She was one who believed, even though no one gave her that hope.
She made it herself.
And it made me open my eyes.

I met Nano on the internet back at the end of summer 2006.
And even though I’ve been thinking of finding a way to come to Japan since summer 2005, I lacked determination… and belief. I thought there was no way that I could do anything.
That it was too late. That it was all over.
And yet, because of Nano’s powerful hope and words, just like magic…
I set my mind completely, on january 1st, 2007.
I would definitely come to Japan.
No matter how impossible it seemed to be, I’d find a way.
I’d get out of my debts, I’d change my life and my fate.
I’d follow the thing that I love the most in the world…. singing.
Even if it didn’t make any sense, I’d do it.
Even if no one could give me a guarantee of what would happen, I’d do it.

I didn’t really openly talk about it to many people.
Especially at work, if I told people about it, they’d smirk at me sarcastically.
And tell me to get my feet back on the ground.
Or that you can be happy with simple things in life.
I’ve been told all sorts of things that made me get a bit discouraged.
But no one could destroy that determination I got from Nano’s ‘magic’.

And I know it’s not won yet.
Nothing is written.
Nothing is easy nor automatic.
If you want to get the things that you truly desire, trust me, you have to sacrifice, you have to work hard.
And it’s never over.
It’s always about surpassing yourself and taking on challenges you never did before.
And it’ll be like that from now on as well.

Thank you, Nano.
For the powerful things you’ve done for me.
Thank you so much….

All the musicians that performed tonight were so talented.
It was a very pleasant event.

And it made me realize that….

You don’t have to have the richest voice.
You don’t have to have the strongest voice.
You don’t have to sound ‘perfect’.
Sure, you have to have talent and good technical aspects but…

There are so many different sorts of voices out there….
With a different ringing, a different emotion….
Different styles….. different ‘worlds’
Being a good musician isn’t all about the technical aspects…..

Being an excellent musician requires the emotion.
Yes….the passion….the feeling…
And the determination to pursue such a difficult path.
Because truthfully, more than the outside eyes can see….
It’s not an easy path.

So to all of you out there with a dream.
With a strong passion for something.
Don’t let it go, ever. And don’t let anyone extinguish that fire.
Because passion is what makes us alive.

I’m sorry for such a long post that goes from one thing to the other….
I really started writing this in the intention of praising Nano, but I ended up saying so much more.
I’m sorry. T_T

In the end, I just hope that Nano sees this too.
Because she truly WAS and IS my biggest inspiration.
Thank you for the beautiful performance you did tonight, Nano.
And I just want to let everyone know how important of a change you were in my life, despite all the difficult things that happened between us.

Good luck, for saturday.
I am looking forward to it.

-HIMEKA

Hello, I just turned 20 years old today.

September 25, 2008 in Uncategorized | 6 comments

I…

I want fries. T_T

フライドポテト。。。（泣）

ANNOUNCEMENT :

FROM NOW ON, I AM 20 YEARS OLD.

You are not allowed to oppose this decision. :P

２０歳が決定！文句禁止。決まりました。

***I lost my mixi due to unfortunate circumstances (negligence??). Is there anyone on this planet that has a mixi who could send me an invite? T0T

-HIMEKA

第２回全日本アニソングランプリ

September 23, 2008 in Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 25 comments

I apologize for making you wait this long.
As many of you might already know, I won the Animax Anime Song Grand Prix (2008) of Japan on sunday (September 21st, 2008).

I’ve been wondering how I should announce it and what kind of words to express along with it.

I provide you with links that I was given by various sources. thank you SO much to everyone who informed me of these things :

http://animaxshop.air-nifty.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/09/22/09_22_04.jpg

http://www.mainichi.jp/enta/mantan/news/20080922mog00m200025000c.html
http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g89/DenkouNova/aoimenoanisonkashu/2008-02-22_The_birth.jpg

(a translation made by a friend, for the sake of people who can’t read the japanese text)

http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2008-09-22/27-year-old-canadian-wins-aniplex-singing-contest

(I’m sorry that you have to learn about my age if you had no clue I was so old. I didn’t lie about it, I just avoided mentionning it because people usually think I’m younger)
Actually I signed up when I was still 27 years old, but I turned 28 on July 20th, so nobody knew and it didn’t get changed. But at this age, I’d rather stop counting anyway. I’m very young in my heart and you all know it! (which is both a good and bad thing) Please don’t treat me any differently if you just learned my age today, ok?    I decided I am 20 years old, ok? :D

There are other articles and pictures, but in the end, I think this should be enough at the moment.

Of course it wasn’t something easy.
My emotions were very mixed during the past month.
And yet…I didn’t want to go to the finals with a half-hearted attitude.
It wasn’t all about winning or losing.
I wanted to make sure to do give my best, despite my incredible nervousness.
I wanted to touch people’s hearts, even just with one song.
To have had the chance to stand on that stage, having all these people listening, industry people as well… and meet all these incredible finalists, I feel blessed.

I have to say that I really loved everyone.
All the finalists were SO nice. And talented of course.
There are some that I spoke with less, but I’m still so grateful for that experience.
I wish I could have had the courage to try to speak more with them.

Shimizu-san… who has such a strong passion… I admire him very much. He was very powerful.
Yuri-san. OMG. I love her voice so much. I wish I could have heard more….
Hikari-chan. She was adorable and SO nice to me, despite the fact that I’m just an old lady next to her! Her mom was also so kind to me.
Airi-chan. Wow. She sure was popular in the audience. She was the same age as Hikari. They were both so cute.
The ST-AWAKE guys. Wow. They were SO funny. One of them kept joking around the whole time. Of course my level of japanese isn’t that high that I missed a lot of the things that were meant to be funny, but whatever I could understand really made me laugh. They were also VERY good. I wish they could have made it to the next round….I wanted to hear more.
Tanaka Tarou-san. I loved his voice too. He was really the visual jrock-ish type. I’m not sure what I loved most though…his voice? or his looks? Haha. He was very nice too.
Konomi-san was also very lovely. She was so cute in her dress. I still can’t believe japanese females can have such petite bodies. I’m so envious! It looks like she made her dress herself. WOW. Sewing talents too.
Oota-san. T_T I’m so sorry I don’t have much to say because I really didn’t speak with him much, but he was also another powerful singer. Way to go!!!

And last but not least…. Tagami Satoshi-san. T_T …………………….. T______T
I….. *cries* I’m so sad.
He was just _SO_ nice. Honestly. He said ‘please come to Hokkaido!!’ ……I wanted to ask him his e-mail but…. I was too shy. ._. *sniff* My heart hurts a little bit. I wish I had the courage to speak with him more.

AAAAH!!! But other than that, he was a great singer as well. I think he got unlucky to be the first one to sing. Obviously the judges will not give a high score to the first one because they have to start their base off. Since you don’t know how good or bad the other contestants will do, you can’t give such a high score to the first one. But then the first one might get forgotten a bit as the other ones move forward and so it’s highly possible that the scores will raise for the later people. I don’t think he did bad. I don’t know how far he would have made it if he wasn’t first, but I really hope that he won’t give up.

Tagami-san… I LOVE YOU!!! ;_; <3
Aaaaah maybe I’ll never see him again!! nooooo!!!
Sayonara, Aki no Akogare! (haha, probably only Lisa will get that one)

I just want to say that I’m very very grateful that I was able to get this opportunity.
I know that some of you who read this might think ‘bah, I knew you’d win’ and such….
But it was honestly not like that. It was nothing easy.
And even after winning this wonderful contest, things won’t be easy either.
Neither for my living, nor financially, emotionally, etc.
I am given this chance, but I need to earn the respect of japanese people by my own efforts.
People won’t just accept me without me making more efforts than the average.
I know that. And no matter how weak I always seem to be, I came to Japan with this determination.
Why do I say ‘the japanese people’ first? Well, obviously because I came to Japan.
Because I chose to come here of my own free will, so I have to make the effort that is required to prove myself to them.

But I want to let you know, the people from all over the world as well (all my friends in Quebec/Canada, the ones in the United States and the ones from various countries that have gotten to hear me sing online or become my good friends…), that your support means just as much to me.
Everyone is important in this. I can’t be so selfish anymore. This isn’t just my dream. This is something that includes all the people who listen as well. Which means… all of you out there.

I need you all. And I will do my best, with the options that I can find around me, to make you smile.

My goal has always been to touch people’s heart with my singing. If I can move people, or make them smile… I will be extremely happy and satisfied. For me, it will be one of the best happiness in the world. I know that life isn’t easy for anyone, we all have trials to go through and sometimes unfair things happen. But I hope that I can somehow sing for the sake of people who need a bit of comfort. Because I was also given a lot of comfort through music as well, and I’m thankful to the great artists that I was able to listen to.

Most importantly, I want to thank my close friends, although I think it might be a little insulting if I start naming a bunch of people and then omit some and hurt people’s feelings.
You probably all know what kind of place you have in my heart anyway, each of you, so don’t worry, your respective places are safe in my heart. I love you all SO much.

こんにちは。
優勝の後から、ブログは凄く「あそこ」からのクリックありますよね。
英語だけで今までブログしたけど、今は別のブログ、日本語で作ろうかな～と思って、どうですか？
確かに日本語はヘタだけど、今から、英語のブログだけを書いて、多分失礼です、日本人に。。。
私はカナダから日本に来て、日本語で歌うために。。。だからもっと頑張りたいと思います。
もちろん心から日本語を上達したいから、よろしくお願いします！

アニソングランプリは本当に楽しかったです。
みんなと一緒に同じ夢を目指すのは素敵な事だと思います。
みんなは夢を諦めないで下さい、本当に。
難しくなったり、大変なことがあったりとか当然だけど、本当の「負け」は諦めることです。
だから、これからも、頑張って下さい。今は最後のチャンスじゃありませんから。
私もアニソングランプリでその意見を持っていました、ずっと。。。
みんなはアニソングランプリで上手だったと思います。
お願いします、頑張って下さい！！

これからも、自分の道も色々な事情があるけど、強い意志を持って、本当に本当に頑張ります。
応援する人に感謝しています。
神様にも凄く感謝しています。歌うことが出来るなんて、とても嬉しいですよ。歌うことが何よりもしたいです。人の心を癒すために。。。幸せにあげるためにも、神様がくれた歌声で、ものすごく感謝しています。

ブログはまだだけど、作ったあと、チャンとここにリンクをあげますから、しばらく、もうちょっと待って下さい。

ありがとうございました。
これからは始まりますね。

Before I conclude this post, I just want to say a HUGE thanks to Nano, Momo and Tamami who came to cheer me on and who are all dear friends to me. You girls are the best. Really. T_T <3 I was so happy you all came after all. Your support means the world to me.

And Nano…if you are reading this. You know that if I never met you on the internet 2 years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to come this far. You gave me courage and hope and you made a huge change in my life.

I am cheering you on with the same feelings you cheer me on.

Together…

-HIMEKA/Catherine St-Onge/カトリーヌ　セント・オンジュ

Animax Finals : The Eve

September 20, 2008 in Uncategorized | 14 comments

Hiyo!

Yesterday I had work until late afternoon, then went for some more singing practice and a few errands.
When I got back home, I still had a bunch of things to do, but I also learned last minute that I had to go *sleep* at a hotel tonight.
I knew from before that I needed to go meet up for something today, and at a hotel, for interviews and stuff, but I thought it was a meeting and nothing else. I didn’t know what time until last night…

So it looks like there is no interview today after all.
But the 10 finalists have to sleep at the same hotel tonight.
We have to check out around 7am because we meet up at 7:15am and head out to the contest hall.

So I had to rush at packing up a suitcase, since I need a bunch of things to prepare for tomorrow morning. But I’m done. The only thing left to pack is my laptop. I have no clue if there is internet connection there, but I’m bringing it anyway.

Today I also went for a 3 hours singing practice.
My throat is very tired.
I’m not sure if I should try to go again tonight, if there is a karaoke place near the hotel/station.
I should head over there soon, since everyone should be signed in before 7pm (it’s already 5pm now).

It’s starting to hit me now.
The fear.
And I realize how big this event is and it’s stressing me out.
I want to sing well….
That is what I wish over everything else.
I want to feel satisfied about my singing. Not regret and feel like I didn’t do well.
I feel like no matter how much I practice, my singing is far from being flawless, and I’m thinking maybe I didn’t make the best song choices now…but it’s too late to be able to turn back, so….

I’ll do everything I can.
I don’t want to have anyone holding grudges against me.
I’ve been picked to be part of the finalists, so I have to do my best.
There is no other choice.

September 19, 2008 in Uncategorized | Comments closed

No matter how much I try…

When I wake up in the morning and remember how pointless my life is and how alone I am here,

I feel like crap again…

Another day.

September 18, 2008 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

Oops…I did it again!
I made some posts ‘disappear’.

But I really want to say a huge thank you to all the ones who wrote those encouraging comments.
I can still see them (but you can’t!), so don’t worry. I cherish them in my heart.

I’m sorry I’m not a very strong person and I keep falling over and over again.
Today I really thought I couldn’t fall any lower, but I decided to kick myself in the butt.
No matter how tough and impossible things are, no matter how alone I am, I have to find a way through all this, somehow.
Even if not a single person would encourage me. Even if everyone would point their fingers at me…
In the end, it should come from within, the courage, the willpower to keep going.

I’m not saying that all carefree and stupidly like a sudden realization. I already knew that.
But I try to remind myself once in a while, when I feel like I’m running out of fuel.

It’s a constant battle though. It doesn’t suddenly become all happy and easy and I’m back on my feet. I’m regularly falling down…sometimes several times a day.

But today I went out. Intensive karaoke practice, 4 hours. Ack. My throat hurt right after, but I’m fine now. I actually didn’t want to come back to the dorm, so I kept extending my stay. After that, I decided to treat myself to some yummy breads in one of those bakery shops at Takashimaya. <3

Then I went to the book store to look for some possible japanese grammar books and such…

I love going to Shinjuku, for some reason. More than Harajuku and Shibuya. Probably because I don’t have any painful memory related to that place. Memories of things that are no more…. =_=

I have work tomorrow. Then I will probably run a few needed errands and go for some singing practice again.

On saturday, I have to meet up with the Animax staff related to the finals. I imagine I will get to see the other finalists as well…. I don’t know what time yet. But I’ll have to find time to practice on that day too.

Sunday (the finals), I have to be there at 7am, so I probably need to get up very very early.

Lately, since I haven’t had lots of work, I watched a bit of anime.
Itazura na Kiss (Mizuki Nana <3)
Vampire Knight (I’m anxiously waiting for the next season now, for some reason)
Kino no Tabi (who said I had to watch new ones only?)

I only started on Kino no Tabi, but I like it very much.
It’s full of life lessons and makes you reflect on things.
I like these kinds of simple but meaningful stories.

Lately the dorm life has been stressing me out more.
I’m trying to ignore the feeling a bit…

You know, how ironic it is….
How people do things for you that you don’t really need, yet they think that’s what you’d want and need.
And you do the same for others. You do what you think they might want and need, but you’re completely mistaken.
So people get sad and upset. And they feel like they’re not understood. Or that this person doesn’t care.

Isn’t it sad though?
Sometimes I wish I understood better….what to do for the people that matter to me.
I know that I can’t expect others to do the things I want, but if at least I could do it for others….
It must be so great to see someone’s true smile as you do what they hope you’d do.

Most of the time, I think people won’t ever say in words what they want.
It’s usually not so easy to guess.
And they’ll try to be nice and kind to you if you do something for them, even though they wished for completely something else.

I wish I were wiser and more intuitive…
Then maybe I could be of use to others, for real….

I think most people treat others through their own understanding and experiences in life, so they only truly understand themselves or people most similar to them.

Anyway..enough babbles for tonight.
Thanks to whoever read this through the end. :)

May you all be well, goodnight.

-HIMEKA

Mom’s death anniversary

September 16, 2008 in Uncategorized | Comments closed

Dear mom,

several years ago, you left us on this day.
But I can’t ever blame you. Because you thought of us until the very end, over yourself.
And yet, you never got your reward.
I don’t understand why life is so unfair.
Why you had to go and why I had to stay.

I know you deserved life more than I did. So that’s why I never understood why I had to live.
I think it must be so I can pay back for something.
I just hope that if you are living somewhere, in any possible form, that you are happy now and that you were able to forgive me.

Even now, when I’m by myself, I think of you. And all the things I wish I could tell you.
But that is only my own selfish wish.

In memories of you, I’ll never forget these songs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LYjusrFXjs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oul-lKr4t5I

An elegant princess…where it all started.

September 10, 2008 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

I would whine infinitely right now. To an extent that isn’t funny.

But instead of that, I’ll post something interesting.

Do you want to know what inspired me to sing in the first place? The very first role  model that made me who I am?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00gsQ6zQIpE

When I was somewhere around 5-7 years old, this was my idea of a ’singing princess’. That is how I first learned to sing. And Aurora is what my image of what I wanted to be like was. An elegant lady. *_*

Since all the Disney princesses can sing, I thought I have to sing if I wanted to be like a princess. Yup. Because I wanted to be like a princess, I learned to sing. Haha. But my singing isn’t a ‘princessy’ as it used to be. It makes me a bit sad. I sound like a pop singer now. Not like a princess. I hope you can still feel the princess soul in me though. I try to keep a touch of elegance in my singing, still. T_T

So nostalgic.

-HIMEKA

Fangirls. *snorts*

September 7, 2008 in Uncategorized | 5 comments

Last night when I walked to the 99 yen shop….
I could hear a concert from a distance.
I thought it must have been at the Yoyogi place……….the whatever it’s called center. I dunno, but it’s just next to Yoyogi Park.
But I was like wow………I could hear the fans screaming even though it’s not right NEXT to the place I was at.
I kept wondering who it could be…….. so I tried to open my ears and hear the music even though it was hard.
When I walked back, wow, the fans were louder than ever, singing along. x_x
I wondered what kind of big artist it was.

Then I heard the last melody line of a chorus. Haha. It sounded like ARASHI. XD
I’m not 100% sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Oh boy. The fangirls were so loud. :P

And so I chuckled to myself as I walked back home.
Aaah. Sakurai-san. He’s so cute. *sighs* Wait a minute, I’m NOT a fangirl! :P
Hehehee. They seem to be on TV shows a lot now. They’re like the big thing.
A few years ago, TOKIO was the big thing on TV….but I guess people grow tired at some point.

Anyway, completely unrelated but…
I couldn’t sleep well last night.
I feel so shitty, emotionally.
I feel completely alone.
And I hate when my feelings are just making my life so much more complicated.
If I felt focused on something before and suddenly get an emotional down….I completely stop caring about what I’m doing.
Nothing makes sense and I just wanna go to a place where I could be alone and live as a hermit or something.
I’m feeling so alone though.
It’s really weighing me down.
I feel like there’s no one or nothing to turn to that could help me figure things out.
It sucks I’m so clueless at times. I wish I could get wisdom.
Anyone knows where I can buy some for cheap? (lol)

I have work tonight.
I really hate late shifts….
I have work tomorrow too, but it’s a day shift and I finish before the cleanup, so yay!
I’ve got a lot more free time in the upcoming 2 next week, which is convenient because I need time to get ready for the Animax contest finals. I still didn’t go shopping to find something to wear…
I have no clue where to shop in Japan…… and I don’t seem to have friends available to shop with. =_= *cries*

Alright, I guess I should go eat and maybe get ready for a bit of singing practice.
I feel like I’ve been so busy, I’m slacking off the practice….
I got so lazy after my days off just started. I guess I was too tired.

Love,

-HIMEKA

Sprinter

September 6, 2008 in Uncategorized | Tags: | 1 comment

It’s terribly late again and I really need good sleep tonight.

There are millions of things I want to write about…

But I guess I’m lacking the time…..and now the energy.

I’m definitely not doing so great. I wish I could talk about it.

But just for tonight, I’ll post something that I feel strongly about.

I bought Kalafina’s (Yuki Kajiura’s new project) new single ‘Sprinter’. *_*

I can’t stop listening to this song. It’s just…….wow. So perfect.

The melody. THE MELODY. Aaaaaaaaah. The guitar part when the verses start…….. the lyrics. The image of the song…………..

Yuki Kajiura is really a genius…..

I want to post more about her right now, but that’ll have to wait.

I just wish I could tell her how grateful I am to her music lately. When I feel stressed out, I listen to one of her soundtracks and I feel more at peace. Such beautiful pieces of work, she wrote….

If you haven’t listened to ‘Sprinter’ yet, please take a listen :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dox86Vi9WYA

Goodnight~

-HIMEKA

 

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