HIMEKA in JAPAN

Oops…I did it again!
I made some posts ‘disappear’.

But I really want to say a huge thank you to all the ones who wrote those encouraging comments.
I can still see them (but you can’t!), so don’t worry. I cherish them in my heart.

I’m sorry I’m not a very strong person and I keep falling over and over again.
Today I really thought I couldn’t fall any lower, but I decided to kick myself in the butt.
No matter how tough and impossible things are, no matter how alone I am, I have to find a way through all this, somehow.
Even if not a single person would encourage me. Even if everyone would point their fingers at me…
In the end, it should come from within, the courage, the willpower to keep going.

I’m not saying that all carefree and stupidly like a sudden realization. I already knew that.
But I try to remind myself once in a while, when I feel like I’m running out of fuel.

It’s a constant battle though. It doesn’t suddenly become all happy and easy and I’m back on my feet. I’m regularly falling down…sometimes several times a day.

But today I went out. Intensive karaoke practice, 4 hours. Ack. My throat hurt right after, but I’m fine now. I actually didn’t want to come back to the dorm, so I kept extending my stay. After that, I decided to treat myself to some yummy breads in one of those bakery shops at Takashimaya. <3

Then I went to the book store to look for some possible japanese grammar books and such…

I love going to Shinjuku, for some reason. More than Harajuku and Shibuya. Probably because I don’t have any painful memory related to that place. Memories of things that are no more…. =_=

I have work tomorrow. Then I will probably run a few needed errands and go for some singing practice again.

On saturday, I have to meet up with the Animax staff related to the finals. I imagine I will get to see the other finalists as well…. I don’t know what time yet. But I’ll have to find time to practice on that day too.

Sunday (the finals), I have to be there at 7am, so I probably need to get up very very early.

Lately, since I haven’t had lots of work, I watched a bit of anime.
Itazura na Kiss (Mizuki Nana <3)
Vampire Knight (I’m anxiously waiting for the next season now, for some reason)
Kino no Tabi (who said I had to watch new ones only?)

I only started on Kino no Tabi, but I like it very much.
It’s full of life lessons and makes you reflect on things.
I like these kinds of simple but meaningful stories.

Lately the dorm life has been stressing me out more.
I’m trying to ignore the feeling a bit…

You know, how ironic it is….
How people do things for you that you don’t really need, yet they think that’s what you’d want and need.
And you do the same for others. You do what you think they might want and need, but you’re completely mistaken.
So people get sad and upset. And they feel like they’re not understood. Or that this person doesn’t care.

Isn’t it sad though?
Sometimes I wish I understood better….what to do for the people that matter to me.
I know that I can’t expect others to do the things I want, but if at least I could do it for others….
It must be so great to see someone’s true smile as you do what they hope you’d do.

Most of the time, I think people won’t ever say in words what they want.
It’s usually not so easy to guess.
And they’ll try to be nice and kind to you if you do something for them, even though they wished for completely something else.

I wish I were wiser and more intuitive…
Then maybe I could be of use to others, for real….

I think most people treat others through their own understanding and experiences in life, so they only truly understand themselves or people most similar to them.

Anyway..enough babbles for tonight.
Thanks to whoever read this through the end.

May you all be well, goodnight.

-HIMEKA

Dear mom,

several years ago, you left us on this day.
But I can’t ever blame you. Because you thought of us until the very end, over yourself.
And yet, you never got your reward.
I don’t understand why life is so unfair.
Why you had to go and why I had to stay.

I know you deserved life more than I did. So that’s why I never understood why I had to live.
I think it must be so I can pay back for something.
I just hope that if you are living somewhere, in any possible form, that you are happy now and that you were able to forgive me.

Even now, when I’m by myself, I think of you. And all the things I wish I could tell you.
But that is only my own selfish wish.

In memories of you, I’ll never forget these songs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LYjusrFXjs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oul-lKr4t5I

I would whine infinitely right now. To an extent that isn’t funny.

But instead of that, I’ll post something interesting.

Do you want to know what inspired me to sing in the first place? The very first role  model that made me who I am?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00gsQ6zQIpE

When I was somewhere around 5-7 years old, this was my idea of a ’singing princess’. That is how I first learned to sing. And Aurora is what my image of what I wanted to be like was. An elegant lady. *_*

Since all the Disney princesses can sing, I thought I have to sing if I wanted to be like a princess. Yup. Because I wanted to be like a princess, I learned to sing. Haha. But my singing isn’t a ‘princessy’ as it used to be. It makes me a bit sad. I sound like a pop singer now. Not like a princess. I hope you can still feel the princess soul in me though. I try to keep a touch of elegance in my singing, still. T_T

So nostalgic.

-HIMEKA

Last night when I walked to the 99 yen shop….
I could hear a concert from a distance.
I thought it must have been at the Yoyogi place……….the whatever it’s called center. I dunno, but it’s just next to Yoyogi Park.
But I was like wow………I could hear the fans screaming even though it’s not right NEXT to the place I was at.
I kept wondering who it could be…….. so I tried to open my ears and hear the music even though it was hard.
When I walked back, wow, the fans were louder than ever, singing along. x_x
I wondered what kind of big artist it was.

Then I heard the last melody line of a chorus. Haha. It sounded like ARASHI. XD
I’m not 100% sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Oh boy. The fangirls were so loud.

And so I chuckled to myself as I walked back home.
Aaah. Sakurai-san. He’s so cute. *sighs* Wait a minute, I’m NOT a fangirl!
Hehehee. They seem to be on TV shows a lot now. They’re like the big thing.
A few years ago, TOKIO was the big thing on TV….but I guess people grow tired at some point.

Anyway, completely unrelated but…
I couldn’t sleep well last night.
I feel so shitty, emotionally.
I feel completely alone.
And I hate when my feelings are just making my life so much more complicated.
If I felt focused on something before and suddenly get an emotional down….I completely stop caring about what I’m doing.
Nothing makes sense and I just wanna go to a place where I could be alone and live as a hermit or something.
I’m feeling so alone though.
It’s really weighing me down.
I feel like there’s no one or nothing to turn to that could help me figure things out.
It sucks I’m so clueless at times. I wish I could get wisdom.
Anyone knows where I can buy some for cheap? (lol)

I have work tonight.
I really hate late shifts….
I have work tomorrow too, but it’s a day shift and I finish before the cleanup, so yay!
I’ve got a lot more free time in the upcoming 2 next week, which is convenient because I need time to get ready for the Animax contest finals. I still didn’t go shopping to find something to wear…
I have no clue where to shop in Japan…… and I don’t seem to have friends available to shop with. =_= *cries*

Alright, I guess I should go eat and maybe get ready for a bit of singing practice.
I feel like I’ve been so busy, I’m slacking off the practice….
I got so lazy after my days off just started. I guess I was too tired.

Love,

-HIMEKA

Yes. I’m still alive. This is a proof.

Sorry if I made your computer explode or your eyes bleed. Haha.

Don’t you think I look a bit like my mascot monkey??! XD Haha. Hilarious. <3

Okay, I’ve been busy and I’m heading out again right now. But I’ll post more soon.

I’ll do my best!!!

Love to all.

*chu*

-HIMEKA

SLEEP.

Thank you.

O.M.G.

I couldn’t sleep and suddenly felt SO nostalgic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfu55C_Pm2c

MARMALADE BOY! I watched it from summer 1997. Wow. 11 years ago!

It looks so old fashionned now. (wait…it did back then too XD)

Waaaaaaaaah. The voice actors…….

Miki… Kouda Mariko <3333333

Yuu…Okiyasomething Ryoutarou (???? ok, too lazy to look it up)

Suzu…wasn’t that Tange Sakura’s first role??! (same VA as Sakura in CCS)

Kei..Ishida Akira <333333333

Arimi : Hisakawa Aya <3333333

Nacchan : The same dude who does Mamoru (sailor moon)’s voice…Furuya Tohru? Something like that…

etc, etc…………

Wow. I am so in love again.

I looked up a random episode part of youtube for nostalgic purposes..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssg3PWFE4Y8

For people who know me closely…omg. Isn’t it hilarious how similar I am to Miki?

I used to think so when I was younger, but I’m just so honest and a crybaby, even at this age. XD mooooo *whines*

Oh God OH GOD, I feel so so so nostalgic now, I gotta sing a song from Marmalade Boy!!!

Maybe I’ll sing the legendary (lol) ‘MOMENT’ insert song from the series.

*weeps tears of joy*

Okay. Enough. I shouldn’t even be up. I’m just trying to distract myself from reality and running back to the past. I love my bubble. And my past full of love inside my head and too much drama!! Or something.

Night <3

I feel empty and alone right now.

And it looks like my future is very uncertain at the moment…

*dies*

There’s a crazy storm outside.
I’ve been lazy tonight ever since I came back from work.
I neglected my duties. Not good.

I have so much to say but such little energy, so please excuse me.
I’ll just say quickly that I picked my songs for the Animax finals.
It was very tough. I went to late karaoke practice to figure it out last night.
It’s possible they change your song to your 2nd choice if 2 people pick the same one (I think?) or if one of the musical guests sing it. I hope my songs will be my first choices….for a lot of reasons.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed. I hope we get to know soon.

And I *hope* Mizuki Nana might be one of the guests. Wouldn’t that be fantastic? *_*

I have work again……so I need to sleep now. I have many more long days ahead, full of important things to do.

Love to all the support <3
May you all be well,

-HIMEKA