The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World
For centuries, restaurants have been making the same fiscal error time and time again: serving delicious food at reasonable prices. Truly a recipe for fiduciary disaster. Here at least are eight restaurants that understand, to truly make a profit in the food business, you want to guarantee your patrons eat as little as possible, then get the hell out. It’s called “high turnover.” Ask an economist.
Are you suffering from a low sex drive? Lack confidence and virility? Love stuffing animal penises into your mouth? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, Guo-Li-Zhuang may just be the lunch spot for you. Or you may just be a pervert.
Assuming the former, you’ll get a blast and a half out of Guo-Li-Zhuang’s tasteful interior decoration, soothing ambient music, and kitchen full of cooked animal members. And when it comes to man-meat, Guo-Li-Zhuang just can’t be beat! They’ve got horse penis, goat penis, dog penis, pig penis, cock cock…why, they’ve got more penis than you can shake your dick at! (Dick shaking not recommended, as you risk losing your penis to another hungry customer).
All that and balls to boot! At Guo-Li-Zhuang, you can get any dick with testicles on the side; the way God intended. Would you like pig balls with a goat dick? Done. Dog penis with one horse ball and one rooster ball? Why the hell not? A big horse cock and two tiny chicken balls? Hilarious!
Or why not indulge yourself with the “man’s mighty meal,” a plate of three floppy dicks and eight—count ‘em eight!—swollen testicles, guaranteed to give you back your virility or send you screaming into the streets.
Guo-Li-Zhuang? More like Chow-On-Wang! Ordering sausage and eggs for breakfast just got a little more interesting.
For many Americans, eating rolls of raw fish can be a tough sell. But if you’re one of the thousands of open-minded Yanks who’ve fallen under the spell of sushi in recent years, then what better way to totally ruin it for yourself than eating it out of a dead person?
At Cannibalistic Sushi, an edible body is wheeled out to your family on a gurney, along with as much scotch as you need to disinfect your forks and convince yourself that this was a good idea. Then, it’s time to dig in! Whether you’re using chopsticks, a knife and fork, or your bare hands, one thing’s for certain: you’ll be feasting on the entrails of a human being.
The artisans at Cannibalistic Sushi have taken pains to ensure that the human body you are ripping into is as lifelike as possible. The sushi inside is shaped to resemble human organs, a red “blood sauce” is embedded in the skin layer so as to create realistic bleeding, and your corpse even has a set of papier maché genitals! It’s like your third grade arts and crafts project all over again.
If you’re an experienced cannibal, make sure to specify a male or female corpse when ordering, and show the other diners just how sophisticated your taste in human flesh is. And although eating at Cannibalistic Sushi may not quell the voices in your head that command you to kill and devour those around you, it will certainly shut them up for a day or two.
Confuse your inner psychopath by making a reservation at Cannibalistic Sushi today!
Not a restaurant in the true sense, Dinner In The Sky is more of a philosophy. The philosophy that if food tastes better outdoors, then it will taste even better than that suspended thirteen stories in the air.
By making a reservation, you can guarantee you and up to 21 guests the dining experience of an extremely bizarre lifetime. At the appointed date, a Belgian crane will come and hoist your table, seats, waiters and even an entertainer into the air for a two-hour meal. The food is exceptional, and the entertainment consists of a man on all fours clutching at the ground and weeping until you are once again lowered.
With Dinner In The Sky, you will truly experience all the labia-clenching terror that height has to offer. Your seats are groundless, leaving your legs dangling in the breeze, a testament to man’s refusal to not do crazy things that affront God. You are harnessed in however, so diners should be sure to evacuate their bowels before boarding, or else risk giving someone below the worst day of their lives.
At 130 feet in the air, depending on your location, you can expect wind, fog, rain, and low flying birds to add a healthy sense of atmos-fear to your meal. And if by chance a romantic thunderstorm should swell, rest assured that you are fastened to a 130 foot-tall metal rod.
Bon apetit!
For the love of God, GET DOWN! Ba-CHKOW! JESUS CHRIST! It’s…a turkey sub on French bread. But what’s that on the side?! GRENADES!!!!! Wa-BOOOOOOOMers! Grenades means potato wedges.
It’s that kind of playful double entendre that makes Buns and Guns the premiere Hezbollah-themed fast food chain in Lebanon. After a lengthy battle with competing chains Burgers and Lugers, Khomeini’s House of Schwarma and Fuck Israel!, Buns and Guns became known nationwide as the “home of the AK-47 Kalashnikov” which you may be perplexed to learn is a beef sandwich.
And at Buns and Guns, it’s not just the item names that get your adrenaline pumping. They’ve gone all out to provide a dining experience as akin as possible to fighting for your life on a bomb-scarred battlefield in the DMZ. Special touches include chefs sporting battle helmets, sandbags out front, and menu items like the “Claymore” pizza, topped with peppers, onions, mushrooms, olives, corn and tomato. Pull one of the gooey slices away and watch as vegetarian entrails slop off onto your camo tablecloth! KaBLOOEY! Just don’t step on it!
And to make your dining experience all the more visceral, all Buns and Guns establishments play a continuous loop of rifle fire, mortar fire, and explosion sounds to eat by. And if any of the wait staff happen to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, who knows what kind of exciting outbursts that could elicit? It’s the only restaurant in Lebanon guaranteed to seamlessly integrate into your daily routine of being bombarded with mortar shells.
The motto says it all: “A Sandwich Can Kill You.” Drop in today to find out how!
If you’re still eating at Old Fashioned Toilet, you’re woefully behind the times, and let’s not even discuss Chamber Pot and The Outhouse. The fact is, today’s modern world demands a modern toilet—for sitting on while eating, for eating out of, for…actually that’s all the toilet uses we can really remember.
Thank heavens, then, that the Modern Toilet restaurant has seen fit to outfit their restaurant with only the most modern plastic lids, fuzzy seat covers, and fine ceramic bowls, and then filled those bowls with a hot steaming pile of soup. And all Modern Toilet restaurants are co-ed, so don’t fret; your hubby won’t miss watching you guzzle soup out of a urinal, head held low while drops of broth splatter onto your face.
And if the thought of eating a soup of yellow broth and chunks of cooked beef out of a toiled bowl seems less than appetizing to you, not to worry! Simply drop the soup into the toilet that is your seat, and flush it away.
Of course, the toilets aren’t functional, and a waiter will be along shortly to escort you off the premises. But at least you didn’t have to eat the shit soup! Instead, you can skip straight to dessert, a heaping helping of chocolate soft serve, fresh out of the bowl.
So go out and spread the word about Modern Toilet, if only because you don’t want a confused mall patron running in and pissing into your Chicken Curry.
If you’re anything like us Cracked writers, you can’t count the number of times you tried to cheer up a friend after a death in their family by surprising them with a trip to Chuck E. Cheese’s. And no matter how many times they run out of the building screaming, it never stops being funny. Luckily, most will forgive you if you present them with an eighty-ticket unbreakable comb you won playing skee-ball.
But if you’re not like us Cracked writers, you may want to mourn their recent loss at a place more befitting the occasion. Enter Eternity, the restaurant designed for people who have lost a loved one, and don’t want to move on any time soon.
The windowless, coffin-shaped café is also an ideal dining destination for those who would like to recall the dead, but live far from a cemetery and find their remembrances go well with a banana nut muffin, not to mention goth kids and weird loners.
The restaurant features funeral wreaths, white lilies on each table, and walls made of what appears to be black plastic, in case you happened to bury your mother in a garbage bag.
Although if that’s the case, we’ve got some grisly news for you involving wolves and dismemberment. In fact, you might want to sit down for this. Banana nut muffin?
This exclusive restaurant in Voltera, Italy has tables booked weeks in advance. In order to secure a table, you and your guests will need to call ahead, submit to full background checks, and, once on premises, the maitre d’ and his helpful staff will frisk you and take your cell phones and anything else they deem a risk.
Why the precautions? Is it because their chicken parmesan is so delicious, patrons have been known to storm the kitchen, threatening the life of the cook staff lest they reveal what Hell-demon they blew to get the recipe? Yes, but also because Fortezza Medicea is a maximum security prison.
Not only is it a prison, but the wait staff and cook staff are all convicted inmates. The head chef is doing life for murder, as is the piano player Bruno (Bruno will take no requests. Do not speak to or make eye contact with Bruno). The cooking is accomplished entirely with plastic utensils, for the safety of the customers, and added “casual” feel of the establishment. Why, dining at Fortezze Medicea is just like having a picnic! A picnic with the mafia!
But not to worry; while you eat, you will at all times be under the hawk-like gaze of 20 prison warders, just waiting for an inevitable violent escape attempt. Will you be taken hostage at (plastic) knife-point, used as a human shield by a convict, or simply gunned down in the cross fire? It all adds to the deliciousness of their signature red wine sauce.
Shanks, Fortezza Medicea, for proving that even killers-for-hire can make an alfredo sauce that’s to die for!
The last restaurant on our list is so exclusive, it doesn’t even have a name. To eat there costs between two to eight thousand dollars, and you must be a member (to qualify as a member, you must have a yearly income in excess of $175,000…well, in Yen). It’s a secretive, controversial club located underground in Tokyo’s fashionable Roppongi District. Where you have sex with your food.
Playing with your food has never been taken so literally. At the Roppongi club, you’ll get to make love to your choice of a chicken, dog, pig, or goat; male or female. At this point, unless you’ve overstepped your bounds, the animal is still alive, and presumably frisky.
Once the deed is done, you (and your family? Guests? We’re not really sure what you want to do here) retire to the dining area. In a matter of minutes, you are presented with a delicious meal of roasted whatever-animal-you-just-fucked. The restaurant is not forthcoming with many details, but one imagines, largely for the sake of one’s sanity, that the animal is cleaned out first.
Admittedly, this exclusive dining establishment is not for everyone, but if you’re a rich person who has literally exhausted every other human experience (remember, that includes injecting heroin into your eyeball), then why not top off your life of debauchery with a humped dog?
As one of the patrons (who wished to remain anonymous) stated, “the appeal of the place just came about because when people have got money and done everything else, they turn towards bestiality.”
We’re on to you, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, J.K. Rowling and Paul McCartney. Watch it.
When not writing for Cracked, Michael is eating cow penis in a sky prison as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
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September 11th, 2008 at 7:06 am
hmm…
September 11th, 2008 at 7:18 am
This article was great when I wrote it on 7/29/2008
http://oddee.com/item_96463.aspx
September 11th, 2008 at 7:22 am
The number one REALLY freaked me out. How do people eat there?
September 11th, 2008 at 7:23 am
If i went to dat japanese restaurant i think id bone a monkey. Easier to under, you see.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Utterly brilliant. You never cease to amaze me with your random writing style
September 11th, 2008 at 7:24 am
SETTLE DOWN EVERYONE
September 11th, 2008 at 7:28 am
“Terrifying” isn’t the best word here. “Freaky” maybe. I wouldn’t be scared to eat next to a decorative coffin.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:28 am
# 8 should be #2 and #1 should be hunted down and brutally beaten until it is dead dead dead. FUcking sick. I hate you.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Penis, I’ve never had, but testicles…well, they’re surprisingly tender and delicious. They don’t call ‘em Rocky Mountain Oysters for nothing. But seriously though, corn on pizza? That’s disgusting!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
#1 made me die a little inside (just like those goats who got a little left inside right before they died)
September 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
I would eat at the prison.
But Oh God at the last place.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:37 am
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. MY FAITH IN HUMANITY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! WHY? WHYYYYYYYYY?
September 11th, 2008 at 7:41 am
FFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Fuck’em, kill’em and eat’em!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Gee, I’m at a loss here. I’m really not sure which animal I’d prefer to fuck then eat. “None” springs to mind. Certainly a compelling argument for bestiality, that patron makes.
Rich people fuck dogs.
And fuck you, Swaim. Old Fashioned Toilet still makes the best Egg Drop Soup around.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I laughed through most of that but when I got to the end of the first paragraph of #1 my face just sorta dropped and I was a little bit scared. Those poor, poor animals.
So I’m thinking that the Penis restaurant is in Beijing (causes I hope they’re aren’t too many of them) and there has actually been some stuff about it on the radio here lately. Hamish and Andy, two completely awesome radio hosts that do the drive home show aired across a lot of Aus, went to Beijing for two weeks while the Olympics were on. They’re a couple of guys in their 20s so tend to do stupid, funny shit and decided to play a game at this restaurant. Basically the staff brought out a plate of penises and one of the guys had to guess which animal it was from, if they got it wrong they had to eat it, if they got it right the other one had to eat it. It was both hilarious and disgusting.
Anyway, if anybody wants to see a whole bunch of photos of what they actually serve there they can here: http://www.fox.com.au/shows/hamishandandy/beijing/day-6
September 11th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I’ve ate at buns and guns. It is basically a subway with pictures of guns on the wall. Thats it. No real guns, just pictures. Granted, most likely the guy sitting next to you carries a gun but the store does not. Oh, and the food sucked. Tasted like sand. Does not even deserve to be on this crappy list. This gimmicky marketing style does not cover up the fact that the food sucked ass.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Jesus, that cannibal restaurant is so creepy. I’m so glad I’m vegetarian xX;
Nice style, though.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:57 am
#1 shows that some people have truly descended to the very last level of inhumanity
September 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Wow, that was some amazing writing there Swaim. You never cease to provide the most hilarious and disturbing information possible.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Oddee: Don’t get pissy just because this article was funnier than yours.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:09 am
if i had a nickel for every hobo i’ve stabbed…well i’d be the CEO of Pierce and Pierce! ah wait…bad example..
September 11th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Is Buns and Guns in Lebanon or Libya? Make up your mind, they are different countries you know.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I may never eat again.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Man, that Roppongi restaurant is fucked up. And I thought the way it was depicted on “Speed Grapher” was just exaggeration. Now I know better!
September 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I’d like a plate of Fuct Duck with a side of OMG, you guys got WHALE?
September 11th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Shanks alot… Heheh, I get it
September 11th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Wow, Oddee.
They used 4 out of 10 of the restaurants on your list, and instead of writing about them in a serious manner, they turned it into a funny article.
Obvious plagiarism! ARREST SWAIM!
Tool.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Are you sure this isn’t another photoshop contest? Some of these smack of total bullshit or at least gross exaggeration (ESPECIALLY the Japanese ones). The total lack of names or links to sources is a warning sign.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Oh, god. How can anyone get pleasure out of eating something they raped. That’s serial killer behavior.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Errr, hasnt something almost exaxctly the same as this already been posted here? I mean, the coffin restaurant, the canibalism sushi, dinner in the sky, the toilet place AND the prison restaurant were all mentioned in a similar article.
I would try and find it but I’m lazier than a sack full of stoned sloths extra whacked-out on methadone.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Yeiii this is really something. I prefer that dinner at tke sky. It’s so cool
September 11th, 2008 at 9:11 am
What? I’d totally rape something and then eat it… Seriously though, the article was alright. And animal crackers are kinda like the #1 restaurant. Alright, I warrant with slightly (imagine it was underlined) less animal rape, but the CONCEPT is the same. Look at the world around you, people! America is fed by rape and fast-food!
September 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Oddee: It was probably even better when people wrote the article before you.
But seriously, #1 fucking terrifies me.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
False. It sucked when you wrote it. It looked and sounded like something right out of Condé Nast. This however adea a great start to my day.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Is Buns and Guns in Libya or Lebanon?
September 11th, 2008 at 9:18 am
So, i don’t understand how someone could stoop that low to rape and eat the animal of their choice. Thats fucking nasty.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:28 am
I still wonder why we haven’t nuked Japan again.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Wow, what a bad one today
September 11th, 2008 at 9:33 am
@zinkster - absolutely right! Is google maps *that* hard to look at? can’t the writer pull out an atlas?
Perhaps it just sounds better saying Libya because we all know their president is a kook who harbored terrorists before; but get your facts straight!
Buns and Guns is indeed in Beirut, Lebanon - I paid them a visit late last may, and was disappointed by the lack of firepower in their food. Pun totally intended.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Gwar was right in writing bring back the bomb. #1 proves it.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Let´s pretend the number 1 was not mentioned, but actually, funeral parlor as restaurant has something to it. Also, “Coffin Fodder” gets a whole new meaning here, innit?
September 11th, 2008 at 9:47 am
depraved people
September 11th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I first read Buns and Guns as Bums and Guns, imagine a restaurant theme with bums wielding guns. Also I will skip on that cereal after #1…
September 11th, 2008 at 9:52 am
This is why humanity is completely doomed in every possible way.
Tell me, please tell me #1 is just some freak accident that occurred when we all got sucked through a black hole yesterday and will cease to exist soon after it collapses under the weight of its own sheer fucking evil.
*runs off to weep in a corner*
September 11th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I cant believe no ones said anything about that guy in his underwear taking pictures of satan knows what fucking. That is hilarious.
But seriously, I eat guys I fuck all the time. I don’t see what the big deal is…
September 11th, 2008 at 10:02 am
That last one is so messed up, I’m not even sure what to say except WTFRIGGINF!?
September 11th, 2008 at 10:11 am
wow im going to 1
September 11th, 2008 at 10:19 am
It’s in LIBYANON! TWICE THE MUSLIM! TWICE THE EEEEEEVIL! Although, really, I’m thinking WWII gave the collective Japanese unconcious a lot of repressed memories and a burning hatred of the cultures of the rest of the world.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Oddee: Wow, you’re right; you totally had an article that encompassed about half of this list. I know it’s no consolation, but I didn’t actually see your article while writing this (although I know your site). I’ve written about a hundred Cracked articles at this point, and rest assured, I’ve never written one that wasn’t a rehash of information available SOMEWHERE else on the web, even if I didn’t know it. After all, I do all my research on the Internet, and the Internet is a small place in the end. I guess I justify it by thinking that my particular writing style can help present the information in a new way. I like to think I’m writing a funny article, not just an informational one, and in that sense, there’s something new I’m bringing to the table. Pun intended. See? That’s what I’m talking about.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:29 am
… why did we stop bombing the Japanese, again?
September 11th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Even though I previously read Oddee’s top 10 bizarre restaurant article, I was in know way reminded of it while I was was reading Swaim’s. That either means that Swaim provided enough new info and his writing stile is different enough or that Oddee’s article just wasn’t that memorable. Either way I enjoyed Swaims version.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Wow,this article made me hungry!I think it’s lunchtime!:)
September 11th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Oh, yeah, Oddee, your article did include somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 of the same restaurants as this one. Also, you write like a twelve year old with severe dyslexia. Why don’t you try this:
1)Type “Weirdest Restaurants” into a search engine.
2)See the million article written before yours.
3)Kill yourself.
Thanks, and have a lovely day.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
the no.1 is totally false.. they cant even name the restaurants
the writer obviously didnt know what to write and he had to steal some ideas from oddee and made up this crazy story to get peoples attention. how sad is that!!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Anyone else turned on by the picture of the girl and the pig? No? Just me? Alright.
Still don’t think I could kill and eat the first thing I had sex with, so I probably couldn’t eat there.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Yeah, Swaim. How could you steal from Oddee like that? You owe him 400 internet dollars, and two levels of Street Cred.
I get the idea that J-Pappi may be involved in the cannibal sushi idea. Somehow, it just has his magical touch to it somewhere. If not, J-Pappi, I may have an idea where you can put your warehouse of dead hookers to use!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
oh my fucking god
September 11th, 2008 at 11:34 am
None of these places are as terrifying as eating at Wendy’s. I doubt anybody ever found someone’s finger in their horse penis.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:50 am
My gut instinct is to call bullshit on #1, but I’ve seen Gladstone’s membership card.
Shit’s real.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am
@MrMonkeyman
ever heard of wwII? pretty sure thats happened…
September 11th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
MrMonkeyman? Are you talking to me? I don’t even remeber mentioning WWII. Am I off my meds again, glendoor42’s leprechaun?
September 11th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
#1 freak me out.
But, when said f**ked the animals, it mean a guy and the animal. But what happen when a female customer come in?
September 11th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/09/11/9-restaurants-designed-to-ruin-your-appetite/ [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Where is this Cannibalistic Sushi place? That sounds amazing
September 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
[...] The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World - Keep a puke-box handy, you might need it! [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I went to Modern Toilet once. I ordered a glass of lemonade and a box of Milk Duds.
September 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Plagiarism sucks, but it was a funny (plagiarized) article anyway. I would actually enjoy eating at most of those restaurants, except for the dick and toilet ones - talk about “ewwww”
September 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
If I ever wanted to plead the case that humanity should be wiped from the face of the Earth I’d use #1 as my argument.
September 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
i mean i love eating sushi people
and having sex with my food
but i refuse to have my dinner in a place with trash bags on the walls!!!
kidding but i want to know what kind of person you have to be to want to go shove your thing or have your food shoved in you to get off
and do they eat it while they’re porking it?
or just pork it then eat it
talk about extra sauce haha
September 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
#10 was featured on Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern I believe. He kept asking the lady he was with, How is your penis? http://www.clownoftheday.com
September 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
The picture of the guy with the camera for #1 reminded me immediately of the Wesley Willis song, “Suck a Cheetah’s Dick.”
But I don’t remember him saying anything about killing it and eating afterwards…
September 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I have written a piece on the Japanese Restaurant themes worth looking at.
http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/six-weird-japanese-themed-cafes/
September 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Usually I get eaten first, then fucked. It’s totally better that way.
September 11th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
And even though I don’t have a penis, #8 freaked me the fuck OUT!
September 11th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I don’t know why #1’s freaking people out.
It seems so humane.
After all, if I were a male any one of those animals and some random dude raped me I’d want to die as well…..
September 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I don’t beilieve there is enough money in the world to make me want to fuck something then eat it.
#8 I saw on the Travel Channel show Bizzare Food. The host, Andrew Zimmern, the host travels around the world eating stuff that Bear Grylls gag on. The guy has eaten more dick and balls than the Village People. It a running joke between my son’s and I how long into
the show before he eat a sex organ.
@ kingmonkey glendoor42’s leprchaun says take the red pill now!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Am…Am I the only one who’s wondering what Swaim google-image-searched to find the pig hentai pic?
…
September 11th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
leprechaun I meant. EDIT FUNCTION PLEASE!!!!!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I’d fuck/eat a deer if I went there. because A) venison is delicious, and B) deer are as close to a hot chick as you’ll find in another species.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I think I’ll stick to Red Lobster.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’m glad to say that the horrifying #1 is certainly a fake, but at least it introduced me to that picture of the girl with the pig. The other seven were great, if regrettably lacking in girls with pigs.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
The Claymore pizza has corn on it? That’s gross.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Thanks, glendoor42’s leprechaun. It’s all so clear to me now. 42… I understand. My God, it’s full of stars!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
About #1:
http://kapowell.com/jc/tag/jitsuwa%20knuckles/
September 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
i like cereal
September 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
What if you go to Roppongi and fall in love while you’re fucking?? Do you HAVE to eat it?
September 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
My boss just had the nerve to come into my office and ask me why some coworkers saw me fucking my sandwich at lunchtime! What a dumbass! I told that clown it was time to be more open-minded with other cultures of the world. He said he understood about the culture thing, but pointed out that I don’t make nearly enough money to go around fucking snacks. Long story short, I just got a raise! Thanks Swaim!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
did that penis move?
September 11th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Wow. All very disturbing. Especially the penis place? Does that seem to anybody else that THEY are trying to make up for the fact that, most likely, they have comparitvely smaller penises? I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but why else the animal penis obsession if not trying to make up for some sort of… shortcumming?
September 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
So Oddee, after you’ve reviewed a restaurant no one else is allowed? You must be a really well established food critic. Do a Google search for weird restaurant themes and guaranteed you weren’t the first to come up with this idea for an article either.
PS- Cracked did a better job than you anyway.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Wouldn’t dudes have a much better time at Roppongi than chicks? WAIT! I don’t want to think about it.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
rule 34 states that a bestiality resturaunt exists, or is in the process of coming into existance.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
“Labia-clenching”? Yeah, you know what, you can go back to pretending that women don’t exist.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Click my name for the authentic Chinese food experience [satire]
September 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Whoah. That totally WAS ripped off of Oddee’s site!
September 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Some of these are disgusting, but you may want to check these out sooner than later if you’re interested because, apparently in small town Iowa, the “rapture” is coming. Don’t know what this is about, but it looks pretty weird:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwgR3hG-8vs
September 11th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Right. And commenters shouldn’t shit on Oddee for pointing out that his shit was stolen. If you’ve ever had your stuff ripped off, it totally sucks. Next time, cite the dude when you pull his piece and use it in your post.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
what the fuck is wrong with the japanese?! I think #7 and #1 are reasons for why the US should never have helped to rebuild that country after nuking them. Sick fucks
September 11th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I’m skeptical about #1. I really doubt you can keep a live animal in a restaurant and then butcher and cook it in minutes. Plus, any animal big enough to rape, is probably too big for one party to eat. What would they do with the leftovers? Sell pre-raped meat to orphanages?
That last sentence made me gag.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Dude that is totally insane!
http://www.privacy.cz.tc
September 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
You had me at “labia-clenching terror.”
Also, where is #1 located? Just out of curiosity.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
But you see Oddee, we dont care what you think. Only what cracked thinks..thats why were here and not on your website….sorry
September 11th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
No.1 is/was a joke. It started in the Japan equivalent of the Weekly World News or Sunday Sport, got translated by some joker at the English Mainichi newspaper for a column that got shut down (largely for translating bogus stories and presenting them as real cultural spotlights) and bloggers believed every word. This story even gets cited as one of the more ridiculous examples that helped get the column shut down. So relax, Japan is a nutty place, but they don’t hump their dinner.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Also, they claim to have animals of either sex. Male animals are not usually eaten, unless they are castrated. Those poor roosters, being castrated and screwed.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
All these places are disgusting. A festival of bad taste…
September 11th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Really, all of them? I thought the toilet place was pretty damn classy.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
@Starberry
That’s why I used the word again, meaning a third time. With a fourth, fifth, and sixth, till tenth.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
The Japanese can hump their food all they want…as long as it’s already been zapped, processed and cooked. Come on, let’s show a little sophistication. Fruits and vegetables can be raped raw though.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Yeah, glendoor42, I guess Modern Toilet would look pretty good compared to Georgia’s outhouse-themed restaurants, Old Outhouse.
I’ll just stick to going for drinks at Bidet, thank you very much.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Make it a cannibalism and being able to take it home to do what you want,that would make #1 a lot better,what with owning a human being and them being a slave and all,but they’d have to submit to it,though let’s face it,If you can get a sex slave from a restaurant,wouldn’t you?
September 11th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Oddee - If you wrote that article this year, does that mean you stole it from here?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/388320/the_weirdest_restaurants_in_the_world.html?cat=16
It’s a concept that’s been written about numerous times, because it never fails to intrigue us, or at the very least, creep us the hell out. Its a bit presumptuous to believe this author’s incredibly witty and comedic rendition was even remotely inspired by yours.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
feitclub Says:
“Are you sure this isn’t another photoshop contest? Some of these smack of total bullshit or at least gross exaggeration (ESPECIALLY the Japanese ones). The total lack of names or links to sources is a warning sign.”
Tsk, tsk, tsk. The occasional outright falsehood aside, Japan is, if anything, less suspect of exaggeration than the others. They really are that zany.
manda Says:
“what the fuck is wrong with the japanese?! I think #7 and #1 are reasons for why the US should never have helped to rebuild that country after nuking them. Sick fucks”
It’s worth noting that they draw an incredible amount of inspiration from the U.S.A. Don’t ask me how stuff on the Western side of things gets turned into what they have going on over there, but apparently we’re doing something to drive their creative process.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I told my mother about the cannibal restaurant and she seems to think that anybody that eats there will instantly gain a taste for human flesh and go on a killing spree. Personally, I think they should call this place “Hannibal’s”.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
did you read the whole article, oddee?
you have a few restaurants in common with this article, but this isn’t the same.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
LOL. I work at Chuck E Cheese.
FYI- the unbreakble plastic combs are 40 tickets!
September 11th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
[...] error time and time again: serving delicious food at reasonable prices. The #1 place is just WTF?! read more | digg [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Hmm, penises, plagiarism and poop. What an article.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
I like the idea of that toilet restaurant, but the one in the crane and the one where you fuck an animal before eating it are just too horrifying for words.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Oddee is obviously trolling for hits. I admit I went, and immediately became furious with myself for falling for the blog version of the Nigerian scam. I went for comedy and got fleeced by boring writing.
Don’t fall for it people.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
@ kingmonkey , Yeah the food’s pretty good at the Old Outhouse, but you get splinters in your ass.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I guarantee you someone will be eating inside the Large Hadron Collider soon, and we can forget about all of these. If there’s dangerous shit about, we’re going to fucking eat near it.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Word for word on the prison one pretty much without the lame jokes.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Erm, I think it might be Japans turn to kill thousands of innocent people in America. That’s probably why you guys haven’t bombed Japan again. Everyone is assuming this sick shit doesn’t happen in other countries. I mean, everyone knows all Americans are nuts. That’s what TV told me and I’m going to assume that TV is always right.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
The last time I went to #1, the wait took forever.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Where did that last pic come from? I must know!
I hear the buffet “Roppongi” is amazing.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
And I thought the ’sausage and eggs’ thing was funny. Geez! I wonder if you can combine number eight and one… And - hell, why not? Surround me with coffins, stick me on a toilet, and hang me thirty stories in the air - I want EVERYONE to see!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Oddee Said:
“This article was great when I wrote it on 7/29/2008
http://oddee.com/item_96463.aspx”
BURN!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Take THAT, Anthony Bourdain!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I’ll bet you there’s a darker, more secretive, and more expensive club in a trap door under the Roppongi club, where lions and tigers and bears rape, kill, and then eat the sick fucks who eat at the first one.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Oh wow, Oddee, they used four of the same restaurants. God forbid somebody writes something that’s similar to your treasure trove of literary skill. Get over it, buddy.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I’m really glad #1 isn’t REAL restaurant. Some of these don’t sound so bad. I’d like to try the restaurant in the sky, but I don’t know of any other reason I’d be in Belgium. I’d also could eat at the restaurant in a prison, but the gunfire and mortar sounds in the Lebanese war-themed restaurant would be pretty disconcerting.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I don’t know if it was the author or the subject matter, but I laughed harder at this one than any other. I have gone through an intensive review of all things cracked in the last two weeks, so I know.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
This article is way better than Oddee’s. This one is interesting and kept me reading unlike Ooddee’s.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
you guys should have testicle festival, Billings? i think Montana.
I accidentally came across the place in the middle of nowhere montana when we needed to get off the highway for gas.
Case you didnt guess Testicle festival is famouse for their cow balls and there annual hairy chest and wet tee contest. (hopefully those in the wet tees aren’t those with the hairy chests.
I can post pics if I remember to scan em in.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Dear God… (the JAPANESE - again…)
September 11th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
regarding #1… wouldn’t it be nice to time travel and have your way with a dinosaur species before eating it?
September 11th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Saying ak-47 kalashnikov is redundant because the “k” in ak-47 stands for Kalashnikov. It’s an Andrei Kalashnikov 47.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I think I’m gonna call shenanigans on this one unless he can prove he didn’t get it from Oddee.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Also, Автомат Калашникова (AVTOMAT KALASHNIKOVA). If you’re going to grammar Nazi a restaurant you don’t even know, try getting your Russian down first.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
[...] 8 restaurantes planejados para acabar com seu apetite, via Cracked.com, mas o Odde diz que é plágio desse texto deles (ambos em inglês) [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I wish there was a restaurant where they held Japanese in large tanks. Then you picked one you liked, fuck it, and then they serve it to you on a plate…
September 11th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
i was at first shocked at #1 until i saw that it was in Japan. then it was no surprise at all and i almost would have expected it.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Why is Arby’s not on this list? At least with #1 it’s you rather than some stranger making sweaty beastie love with your meal.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
@ Marcus The correct nomenclature of the AK-47 is AK-47, as AK is the make or type of the weapon and 47 is the model number. So no, AK is not redundant.
@ Swaim what the hell are you filming in the second to last picture and why don’t you have clothes on?
September 11th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
at last! something to do with all my extra cash.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
#1 made me want to vomit.
It also made me want to seek out and murder the creators of that horrendous place as well as every employee and customer that has ever been there.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Remind me to NEVER, never go to another country ever again. Bunch of f—in’ subhumans.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Okay, this is the most fucked up article on this site yet.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
There need to be more cannibalistic sushi restaurants. That’s a dream come true.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Oh burn they totally stole it
September 11th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
on further inspection, it seems like oddee’s entire site is exactly like cracked but with a geocities layout.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
>almost would have expected it
You are so, so naive to only go this far.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
For the last time the Japanese Cannibal restaurant is a hoax, and a rather mean spirited one at that. Though my argument would be more reliable if I could find the link where I read this, but this list doesn’t even provide links so I guess I am in the clear. Anyway the pictures of this so called eatery appeared on the internet a few years back on a Taiwanese website taking the piss out of their former occupiers the Japanese. Anyone who has tried researching this restaurant, or tried to dine there while in Japan, find that it simply doesn’t exist. All you will find are same of pictures of the people sitting around the fake body on site like this talking about strange restaurants from around the world. And if you look closely at the photo you see that it looks an awful lot like someones dining room and not a themed restaurant, I mean where is the cannibal decor? So all in all IT IS A BUNCH OF TAIWANESE KIDS TAKING THE PISS OUT OF JAPAN!
September 11th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Shame on cracked.com. Number 1 is not true!
Number 1 is based on an article posted on Mainichi newspaper English version, which caused a scandalous earlier this year for posting slanderous inaccurate articles about Japan. “Roppongi club that have sex with animals” is based on that article. As a proof, it is an “underground club” that cannot be searched by google.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
That was brilliant. I rarely laugh out loud but this was just brilliant.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
> #1.“Roppongi”
You believed that? You are such a kid.
http://www8.atwiki.jp/mainichi-matome/?cmd=word&word=restaurant&type=normal&page=The%20Cook%2C%20the%20Beast%2C%20the%20Vice%20and%20its%20Lover
September 11th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
@Gliscameria: That’s the work of sculptor Patricia Piccinini. If she’s not working in the Hollywood special fx industry… well, she should be! http://www.patriciapiccinini.net/wearefamily/index.php
September 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Yeah, Swaim… if there’s one thing we demand here at Cracked, it’s accurate, and 100% verified articles. We aren’t just going to take your word for it when you tell us which Smurfs are underrated; damn it, we want your sources. Ideally, a bibliography should appear at the end of each article.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
[...] » The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World | Cracked.com (tags: food) [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I’ve read about freaky restaraunts before but no one managed to make it this funny to read.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
#1 reeks to high heaven of urban legend. Even more than the whole “dumb Nips think sheep are poodles” story that was duping stupid whitemen not long ago. Not a bad article to that point, though it does look largely ripped off from the Oddee guy’s article.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
(Never mind that last sentence. I didn’t see Swaim’s earlier response to Oddee Guy.)
September 11th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
isn’t modern toilet just round the corner from lemonade, south of “milk, milk”?
September 11th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
[...] The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants In The World (cracked) [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
wow, i thought eating at a place where transsexuals give you lap dances was odd…..
September 11th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
This is urban legend though it knows a former article. In a word, similar kind of story to apparition and ghost. It isn’t foolish to believe and to carry such an article!