All quoted lines are taken from the Gainax/ADV subtitled release of the Neon Genesis Evangelion anime, with one minor discretion: I reserve the right to call him Kaworu instead of Kaoru. Both forms are considered acceptable. The manga will not be taken into account since sections with Kaworu have not been translated yet.

Why Shinji Ikari and Kaworu Nagisa are in love.

Shinji Ikari, the protagonist of Eva, has had more trials in his short life than Job. His mother died when he was young, and his father has distanced himself so completely that they rarely even speak. They don't live together, and have no desire to do so. Also, his father is known to have had at least two affairs. Suffice it to say, Shinji has no real concept of the "typical family." With the world in constant peril, who has the time to teach the children about home and family life? Shinji has no notion of our society's set gender roles. He has enough trouble dealing with his own basic emotions like happiness and anger; the last thing he needs is to question his sexuality. This is one reason why he responds to Kaworu's declaration of affection so deeply. It is not a question of "Am I gay? Am I attracted to another guy? I don't understand my feelings!" On the contrary, it's very simple for Shinji: Kaworu said he likes him, and Shinji knows he likes Kaworu, too. Shinji's feelings are not confined to the boundaries of gender.

The "Hedgehog's Dilemma," Shinji is afraid to get close to anyone, thinkng he'll just hurt them, so he closes himself in even tighter. As the series progresses, Shinji does open up and forge relationships. Misato becomes, for all intents and purposes, his mother, while Toji and Kensuke become very close friends. Kaji opens up to him, Ritsuko looks out for him, even distant Rei and sharp-tongued Asuka form a bond with him. He is surrounded by people who care for him. As he loses each of them, either physically or mentally, it takes its toll on the young boy. But even after he practically destroys Toji, after Rei dies, after Asuka has her mind raped, he still goes on. He still fufills his duty as an Eva pilot. Only after Kaworu's death does he give up all hope. He's only known the other boy for a day, yet his death lingers with him forever. He spends the rest of the main series lamenting his decision to close his hand, and Shinji's mental interrogation opens with questions about Kaworu's death. This was obviously the incident that made the most impact on Shinji's short life.

There are a few specific incidents in episode 24 that convince me of Shinji's feelings for Kaworu. When around Kaworu, Shinji often blushes. Whoo hoo, you might say. Blushing is incredibly significant in anime, as are sweatdrops and super-deformed. Blushing signfies either genuine embarrassment or a romantic interest in another character. When Shinji overhears Misato and Asuka at the hot springs or when Asuka talks about her breasts, then he blushes. Those are, indeed, embarrassing situations. But he blushes almost immeadiately after meeting Kaworu, who has said nothing even remotely embarrassing to him. He continues to blush around the other boy, as well as smile at him. The other times he blushed in the series, Shinji was not smiling. Another point is touching. Shinji never lets anyone touch him during the series. The only time he is touched or held is when he is half-dead or unconcious and Misato holds him. Even when he and Asuka kiss, it is devoid of emotion and they are not touching. Right before Kaworu's arrival, Misato goes to comfort Shinji (and herself). As she goes to touch his hand, he pulls away violently, curling up. "I'm sure he's feeling lonely. Is he afraid of women? No, he's just afraid of affection in general," Misato thinks after this. Why is it, then, that when Kaworu touches Shinji's hand in the bath he doesn't pull away? He doesn't even complain. He leaves it there.

One last thing on Shinji's part: the night he spends at Kaworu's is a eye opener for himself as well as the viewer. As I've already said, Shinji never opens up to anyone. He hides his feelings away from everyone, even his mother-figure, Misato, even the other pilots who might understand him. But one day with Kaworu, half a day with him, and Shinji reveals his deepest thoughts and feelings with the boy. He doesn't know why he does it; he only knows that he's needed to do it for a long, long time.

Kaworu Nagisa is an angel. Many will argue that in being so, he is not held to the same gender standards as are humans. Good point. In the Bible, angels tend to be depicted as androgynous, but having a male body form. In one section of the Bible that is often used to argue against homosexuality, a group of men chase an angel through the streets, attempting to rape him. A man protects the angel in his house, saying that such an act is against nature (that being a man having sex with a man). Also, in Eva, the angels are of many different shapes and forms, genderless and mostly non-human. The 17th Angel, Tabris, appears in the male form of Kaworu for a reason. Taking this into account, it is a male and male relationship. Even if one rejects the idea of gender, there is no denying the feelings between the two characters.

The conversations between Kaworu and Shinji in episode 24 are very suggestive. Besides Misato, Kaworu is the only person Shinji uses an honorific with: they call each other Shinji-kun and Kaworu-kun. After their initial meeting, Kaworu asks Shinji if he can go with him to the showers, so they can talk more. (Shinji talk? What a novel idea!) While in the bath, Kaworu questions Shinji about his fear of affection, then touches his hand. A bit later, Shinji says he has to go to bed. "With me?" Kaworu asks. "No, you have your own room, I think." Shinji replys. My favorite dialogue then occurs:

Kaworu: You are delicate like glass.

Shinji: Am I?

Kaworu: Yes, and that earns my sympathy.

Shinji: Sympathy?

Kaworu: In other words, I like you.

It may be noted that ADV translated the word koi into the word sympathy. Koi is actually the Japanese word for love or carp. (1) "Unless Kaworu saw a big fish swimming around in the bath, he has some feelings for the boy!" (2)

That night at Kaworu's, after Shinji opens up to him, Kaworu turns to him and says, "I was probably born to meet you."

Once Shinji discovers his friend is actually an angel, he goes through a minor breakdown, his emotions running from disbelief to anger: "You betrayed me. You hurt my feelings. You betrayed me like my father did!" Even though he's in so much pain, he continues to call after Kaworu-kun, not fully comprehending what's going on.

Kaworu sacrifices his life so that Shinji and all of mankind can survive. Yes, it was a noble act to save humanity. Yes, he felt the human race was worthy of continuation and survival. But in the end, Kaworu would rather die than end the life of the one he loves --- Shinji. Before he dies, he tells Shinji, "Thank you, my life was meaningful because of you." Shinji hesitates, then does what must be done.

"Kaworu said he liked me. I have never...never had such kind words...I liked him, too," Shinji tells Misato. Note that when each of them said "I like you," they said "suki da." Suki can mean like, fondness, or love.

So, what's the bottom line here? It's simple. Shinji is not homosexual. I never said he was. I wouldn't call Shinji or Kaworu homosexuals (even though I would have no problem with it if they were). But they are, were, and always will be in love.

*Yes, I've finally seen the End of Evangelion movie, and it does have some nice homosexual overtones. I'm working on updating my essay right now. It should be finished before the end of February.*

If none of this convinces you, check out the pictures in my gallery or elsewhere online. As my oneechan Majik would say, "If the powers that be are trying to tell us something, we should listen."

(1) Thank you, Angela, for pointing out the obvious for me.

(2) Quote from Meiran. Arigato!

For more information on the literal translations of Evangelion, please visit the Literal Translation Project Homepage. Specifically, check out Episode 24. It's enlightening.

Would you like pictures of the adorable couple? I thought you might. I live to please...

Shinji and Kaworu's Lovely Shounen Ai Gallery

So, do you agree with me? Or do you possibly think I'm a psycho shounen ai fanatic who should be stopped this instant? Whether you agree or disagree, you should definately Email me!

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