HIMEKA in JAPAN

Thank you for all the birthday wishes.
I was surprised that so many people took the time to leave a message.

About 3 weeks ago, I started working pretty much full time.
I’m very tired, but the timing is perfect because I was running out of money and I didn’t know what I’d do if I didn’t find a job that would give me enough hours.

I keep telling myself I’ll make an update but…
I keep thinking I should wait until I feel better.
And yet who knows when that will be.

I’m sorry this is not a music update.
To be honest, I wouldn’t be able to make any music-related updates unless something official happened….

I’ve been having nightmares lately.
And I don’t have a lot of money for food until my first pay comes in…. so I’m eating much less.
Even though I’m not in a great time, I’m sure it’s not helping my mental state.
It’s temporary though. Just one week left and I should be okay again.

I just feel so empty.
It’s like I can’t see anything ahead of me…
Or that it doesn’t matter anymore.
I know most of you probably wonder why I get depressed since I usually just whine and don’t explain.
I’m sorry.

I feel so alone.
Alone with myself and alone with my dream.
I wish I had a hand to hold. Literally.
Or a shoulder to cry on right now.
I’m so so emotionally and physically exhausted.

I’m sorry.

Today is my birthday.

July 20th.

And no matter what kind of bad times I’m going through, I hope today I can be happy and feel that dreams can come true. I don’t know to which extent it is possible for me to put my negative emotions and worries in a box for one day, but this is for my own sake and nothing else.

Yesterday was a tough day. I worked from 10am till midnight. And I couldn’t eat because I felt nauseated about everything. I ended up eating at 11:30pm, when my mind went completely blank as I was doing my best to work with a smile. At that moment, the only thing that filled my mind was food so. I was relieved even just for a little while. Thank you.

I will pray.

Please leave a happy comment. Whoever you are. It would make me happier than have views and no one saying anything…. -_-

Hello!!!

I just woke up and I’m so tired!!

Mizuki Nana is having a concert this weekend so close to where I live………..
And I can’t go because I’m having financial issues. T_T
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I think she has an amazing voice. And I love her stage presence.
I really hope I can go see her someday. And meet her. XD

I had started a new job but things didn’t work out so well….
So I’m job hunting again!
To be honest, I’m so worried about money.
I know that things don’t make sense right now and I won’t have enough, but I want to believe in miracles just this once in my life.
Somehow, I want to believe things will work out.

I’m sorry that I can’t talk about my friday meeting.
If it comes to something, I will definitely announce it though!!!

But….I had a good news yesterday.
I auditionned for a contest a few months ago.
And I got selected!!!!
It’s the Animax Grandprix.
So it’s an anime song contest.
It’s countrywide and there are 5 different cities where you can go to participate.
Then the finalists of each city will perform again later against one another to decide the winner.
At this point, I’m not thinking very far, I just really really want to go sing on stage again.
I think it will be good practice because I haven’t done it in 2 years.
It will bring back my motivation to want to be a singer, for sure!
I always get motivated the most when I know I have to prepare singing for an event.

And it will be entertaining to see all the people in costumes…hehe. I think it will be fun!

Oh yeah!
My birthday is coming up soon. On the 20th!
I don’t have money so I won’t be able to do much, but I’m crossing my fingers about going to see fireworks on the 26th, hopefully. I love fireworks!!!! And it seems like the ones in Japan are amazing!!! I wish I could get myself a yukata. *sniff*

So that’s my little (long) update for now!
Stay tuned!!! <3

-HIMEKA

Tomorrow is an important day.

I believe in myself.

It’s been a little while since my last post.
How is everyone doing?

Here it’s been sunny sometimes…then raining at other times.
I’m surprised it’s not raining as much as I had expected.
My umbrella is all broken, I should go buy another one soon.

I’ve been running around for a lot of different things, but I’m still alive.

I was getting tired of having my toothbrush inside a bag, so I looked for a toothbrush rack but couldn’t find one. Instead, I got myself this pen glass that has 3 different compartments, so I can put my toothbrush kit all in there!!! Isn’t that ingenius…lol (ok, not really…haha).

I finished working at my other job about a week ago and the Chef prepared me one of his delicious pieces of cake as a goodbye present!! I was so touched….and obviously, my stomach was happy! (I forgot to take a picture…*sniff*)

I found a new job, I’m starting on wednesday but….they’re probably not going to give me enough hours to survive either. So I’m probably going to attempt begging them to give me enough, and if it won’t work, I’ll have to do my best find a 2nd one that could possibly match this schedule….

My biggest worries all the time ever since I came here is about money. I never know how much I’ll have left or how long I can sustain myself here. I do my best but….I don’t have a regular full-time income and that is not helping. So I’m thinking of cutting down on food a bit. Eat just enough to be alive, but no more. That makes me very unhappy because I love to eat, but I don’t want to give up my dream just because I was stuffing my face with food, you know?

If you feel sorry for me, I’ll give you my address and you can send me things to eat!!! Haha…j/k

About music-related things…. I don’t find a lot of new opportunities for me to enter, sadly. This month’s Audition magazine didn’t have many things open for me. Or things I already entered. I’m gonna wait for the next one. I’m still planning to send songs to some karaoke audition thingies, but *gasp* I CAUGHT A COLD. So it will have to wait until I recover, sadly.

I did think I would get some responses for some things, but I’m getting nothing so far. And yet I know I can only give up once it is truly hopeless. Right now I’m still here, so I don’t wanna give into despair.

My birthday is in less than a month!
I really want to go to an amusement park.
We’ll see.

I feel that I just need to ask more of myself. I’m not proud of my japanese at this point. I don’t know how to improve though. I do my best to speak when I’m required to. I try to remember the new vocabulary I learn…and yet…. my grammar skills won’t improve at all. I really hope things can change…

Take good care everyone!!! Don’t give up on your dreams either.

-HIMEKA

On friday, I went to Tennouzu Isle. I had to go to the Immigration Bureau. But woohoo! I got lost. I find it easy to get lost in Tokyo. But it’s okay. The only bad thing was that it was SO hot. When it’s not raining, it’s boiling hot here! It’s almost summer.

I really don’t take enough pictures. I think I’m afraid to look like a silly tourist..hehe.
The rainy season started, but we have pretty shiny sunny days in between.

I’ve been working a few hours during the weekend somewhere, but I’m quitting after tomorrow. I have a few jobs I’m about to pick from right now, that will give me more hours and a bit better pay. But I’m still unsure about which choice is best. I have another interview tomorrow, so after that, I might know a bit more which direction I need to take.

As any reality is…. you gotta provide for yourself to live. So my priority right now is to work so I can extend my stay. Without money…no rent, no food, etc. My account is getting very low, so I have to be careful. I’m not giving up though!

Of course I do my best to look up auditions that are possible for me to enter. But most of them are demotape auditions…which can take forever to get a reply. I want to find more live ones. There are some auditions with age limits too. And a lot of auditions are open only for singer-songwriters. But erm…I don’t write songs so…too bad! I’ve even seen an audition that refused cover songs that use commercially released karaoke tracks. ^^;;; But anyway, if you ever hear of anything that I might not know about, I’d gladly take suggestions. I buy a magazine called ‘Audition’ that comes out once a month.

But either way, I hope my financial worries settle down soon so I can put more energy into singing.
My only practice is when I go to karaoke box so… it requires money. And so I can’t go very often. I do my best to learn new songs mentally by listening to them at home. Then try them out at karaoke. ^^;;;

Too bad I don’t have any incredible news to give out, but I’ll keep doing my best to find opportunities.

Ciao ciao for now!

-HIMEKA

ゴキブリ。

３～４センチぐらいでした。＞Ｏ＜

I know that they are very few in number, but some people still come to visit my blog, or so the statistic say. I feel bad that these few people come back to see if I’ll post again, and probably keep their hopes up while I don’t do a thing.

So what’s with this sudden update?
I’ve been wanting to post in a while but I don’t really have a reason to.
I have nothing incredible to update about.
I also still can’t record anything at my current location so….
It feels slightly pointless to keep up a blog where I can’t even show anything I do to anyone.
Also, I made my posts vanish once more, I’ve been pretty much whining here almost everyday so…
I was sick of all that and decided I should just stick to post about my personal whinings to my private LiveJournal account.

So what is there to say here?

1-I am still alive.
2-I am still in Japan.
3-I’m currently working hard at finding jobs. I started one the other day but it’s very few hours so I will need to keep looking for a 2nd one to be able to survive financially. In other words, it’s only the beginning.
4-I am still looking for the appropriate kinds of auditions. I have a few things that are still in the mist, I don’t know if anything will work out or lead me anywhere, but I’ll do my best.
5-I am still living in a dormitory for foreigners and I still hate it (sorry…haha).
6-My spoken japanese still sucks! But I want to improve sooo much. I can’t afford going to a japanese language school, but I do my best to keep my ears open and talk when possible. I also try to study from the books I have when there is time. I need to learn much more vocabulary and grammar!!! Understanding is a good and useful thing but…talking is much more required if I want to stay here, I know that.

I won’t admit I’m defeated until I really see no other way.
I hate the dormitory but…. I love the atmosphere of Japan.
I’m getting used to this place…
So many little things that I don’t want to let go of right now.
I don’t want to go back to Canada.
Especially not now that some things might be coming up for me.
I don’t want to have to go back right before I can have these chances.

一生懸命頑張りたいと思います！

-HIMEKA