Writing feedback in English

せっかく英語のコメントのレクチャーなので。。。（よっこらせっと）

I like the issue.
As you knew, Japanese wants to tell/do to English things but we need more one step!
Wants someone a supportive push, that’s the kind of issue, xaky!
Thank you ;)

And I like the pic. I just got new photographer!

well…xaky! might you close HTML tag something. characters still small.m(__)m

xaky さん、

Thank you for your advice.
I’ll write some comments on your diary or advice.

Logic part is a bit hard for us, I suppose.
Generally speaking, this is a bit hard part
if the this communucation is done only between Japanese
because we are here as users not a teacher nor a student.

L1. However, there are a few points that I thought were unclear. For example,
しかし、いくつかの点がちょっと解かりづらいと思いました。例えば、

L2. However, when you talked about your recent journal, I wasn’t sure which post you meant.
しかし、最近の日記について話していたんですが、どの投稿についてだったか分かりませんでした。

Recommendation or advice after ” However,....” may cause a problem
among iKnow isers because we only users not a teacher nor a student.

Proposal
P1. Next time, I suggest you write shorter sentences. This might help make the message clearer.
次回はもっと短い文で書くことを薦めます。そうすると伝えようとしているメッセージがもっとはっきりするかもしれません。

P2. It might be a good idea to add a link so that we know what you’re talking about.
何について話しているかを伝えるためにも、リンクを入れた方がいいかもしれません。

” KAIZEN ” has bcecome an international word in the world of QC, but it may
not work fere at iKnow, I suppose.

まとめると、このようなコメントになります：
1. You’ve done a great job here! I can really see the work you put into writing in a natural style.
However, there are a few points that I thought were unclear. For example, you didn’t explain why Japanese food is healthier than American food.
Also, the last paragraph didn’t make sense to me. Next time, I suggest you write shorter sentences. This might help make the message clearer.
2. This is a very interesting post. I understand why you chose to write about this article. However, when you talked about your recent journal, I wasn’t sure which post you meant.
It might be a good idea to add a link so that we know what you’re talking about.

If we Japnese write ’ However…................. !, it may cause a problem.
Generally speaking, if the writer is a foreign friend ( in English speaking countries
or her or his English is almost equal to that of native English speakers,
I can see no problem..

もちろん、改善案などを述べる自信がない方は、empathy＋アルファのメッセージだけでも十分効きますね。

例えば、
I really enjoyed reading this article!
I didn’t know you lived in Australia before.
この記事を読んで本当に楽しかったです！前にオーストラリアに住んでいたと知りませんでした。

Good job translating that speech.
I understand why you were inspired by it.
あのスピーチの翻訳ъ(゜Д゜)グッジョブ!!　それがインスピレーションになったのは理解できます。

This is safe, I can recommend this way to any iKnow user.

Thank you again and I hope you write this kind of some advice from time to time.
Have a nice week.

St. Paul

alansmithee,

Thanks for your comment.

I’m sorry about the HTML, I forgot to close the “small” tag.

Thank you, xaky!

St. Paul,

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

My advice may not work for everyone. I think it all depends on individual cases. Some people may be comfortable giving constructive criticism and others may not.

I agree with you that any iKnow! user could comfortably use the empathy + extra message model.

I hope you have a nice week too.

xaky san,

I have been ( yes, been!) having a small problem
wiith one of iKnow users since yesterday.

I made a slight complain to one iKnow user
whose handle is not a nice one
(XXXXXXX seven words, not a right time to write it before lunch)
and she kept silent and closed doors to send a message to her.

One of her friends sent me a protesting message yesterday
and another her friend asked me to dissolve
our friends relationship.
I did not ask her to be one of my friends but she asked for it.
She happened to be one of the person’s friends.
I want to believe this is only a coincedence.

I think your mind is a bit confused now reading my sentence,
I assume.
My point or bottom line is a conversation will go well or peaceulluy if a foreign guest like you is involved in a conversation.

Have a nice day.

StPaul

すごく分かりやすいです。
ありがとうございます。
とくに、

＞共感（empathy)を示し、

と言うところが好きですね。
自分の考えを受け入れてもらえないと、
提案（proposal）を受け入れる気には、なれないですもんね！！
素晴らしい日記Thank youです！！

Hi, xaky
Your writing style makes me feel that have consideration and gentlness. Blanks durling sentences works well for reading them, and Big Orange keywords looks effective.
xakyさんの日記には、いつも配慮と優しさを感じますね。＾＾
文と文との間を空けて見やすくする、大切なキーワードをオレンジで
大きく表現して、際立たせる、など読んでいて心地よく感じます。

Expression in Englis is difficult for me, I usually worry that it cannot let readers understand, so I write in Japanese. However, I will try little by little♪
なかなか英語で表現するのは難しく、相手に伝わらないのではないか
という不安から、日本語で書いてしまうことが多いのですが、
短いワードから、少しずつ使って行きたいと思います。

相変わらず、変な英語でごめんなさい！＾＾；
ぶっくま♪面白い機能ですね！キャラクターもカワイイよ♪

To:　xaky san and other UNKOTARE’s friends
From: StPaul

I want to have a direct messgae from handle name unkotare
and do not want to make any comments to anyone except
unkotare.
This is a typical Japanese way.

St. Pau;l

That’s great!
I think your topic is very useful. And I have used Safari, but I just downloaded Firefox now to install BOOkMARKLET.

Thank you very much for sharing your wonderful tips with us all! I think all of your suggestions above will surely encourage not a few iKnow! users to study English more and more. Especially, comments with big support or empathy bring us higher motivation to write another English diary.

Also, I wish each user could exchange their ideas on anything including English phrases or topic development as “constructive criticism”. As a process of finding more fruitful results, we’ll be able to (or need to?!) have access to Bookmarklet.

This journal is so helpful. Thank you very much. :-)

Thank you for your very informative post. I really enjoyed it.
By the way, ELP reminded me of Emerson, Lake and Palmer. :-)

I bookmarked this post.
I hope many users exchange comments in English each other after reading this.

このページはブックマークしておいて、活用するつもりです！！
ぶっくまくん、面白いですね…！！

mana. kさん、

コメントありがとうございます。
僕も共感のところが一番大事なキーポイントだと思っています。

Thank you for your kind words.
That makes me happy :)

I think there are small things we can do to make text easier to read and understand. Hopefully, it makes your message more effective too.

moonfestivalさんの英文は普通に読めて分かりやすかったですよ。
自信を持って頑張ってください
ﾌｧｲﾄｫ:!!!☆

ぶっくまくん、可愛がられているようですねw

Thanks! I hope you enjoy the bookmarklet feature!

I appreciate your comments :)
Hopefully, it can be like a feedback loop. Your comments motivate another user to write more, and then they will be motivated to comment on your journal as well.

Also, you mentioned constructive criticism and I think that is crucial. In fact, I think you can consider it a form of praise because it means that the person who offered the criticism cares about you and hopes that you will improve.

You’re very welcome :D

I’m glad to know you liked it.

By the way, ELP reminded me of Emerson, Lake and Palmer. :-)

Are you a fan of ELP? They started out just about when I was born. (Yes, I’m turning 37 August 4, so I’m a product of the 70s…)

Thanks! So do I.

So, hold on a second…You bookmarked a bookmarklet-related journal. Let’s not get confused with that terminology (LOL)

コメントありがとうございます。

ぶっくまくんは気に入ってもらいましたか。よかったです。
どんどん使って、彼を役に立たせてくださいね！