Good morning all!
I wanted to do updates but…at the same time, I’m tired.
I’m sorry to say that I haven’t taken any pictures.
I feel awkward to do so….take pics by myself…. and being a westerner, I feel like I’m gonna stand out even more…. like a random tourist.T_T I think people must be used to seeing foreigners here in Tokyo, but still, I feel like I wish I were asian at all… to blend in better. =_= I don’t like the fact that if I do something idiotic, people are gonna notice more. So I become very self-conscious. I guess I’m more embarassed by myself too. Then again, I don’t know.
The room I sleep in is very small and we’re many girls. So it’s hot. I find it very difficult to live with other people……………….. I try to do my own thing but… I really have no personal space of my own…
I’m doing things very slowly at the moment. I’m so scared of going out. Maybe some of you people are braver than me…..but honestly, I don’t find it enjoyable to go to places by myself. And feel like a complete idiot with my extremely crappy/basic japanese. I can get by but…
I’m gonna have my foreigner resident card in a few weeks, I have a temporary paper thingie that I paid so I could try and get myself a cell phone. But I know nothing about cells so I don’t really know how much use I will have of it….. People here seem to live on them. Like.. they walk with their cells open. o_O LOL
I saw an anti-perspirant ad in the train right in front of me. As I was holding the hand thing up above my head. LOL. So like….yeah…they make ads to remind you to use good anti-perspirant in the train cause other people might have to endure your armpit smell if you have to hold yourself on one of those hand hangers??? Hahaha. XD
Then… I bought some sort of snack at the conbini the other day…. And it said ‘Sauce Flavored’ …in japanese. LOL. So……….what KIND of sauce though??? Even after eating them, I couldn’t tell which kind of sauce it was supposed to taste like…..
I had fun watching MTV channel and some other top 100 music channel yesterday. XD Yay for japanese music!!!!!! <3 Well, I can only do that when no one else is in the kitchen though. Other people usually watch tv shows. Someone here likes to watch Sumo wrestling, it seems. XD ;;;
The other day, someone drunk foreigner man from another unit came into our kitchen the other day. ;_; I told him to get out and he said ‘FUCK YOU’. >_< I was so scared…
I saw a Subway!!!! (the chain restaurant). I really want to go so baaaaaaad. As I used to have a part time job at Subway in Canada, I think this is the place where I’d feel most at home. I haven’t gone yet because I think that’s one of the most difficult places to order at. Too many things to pick from. x_x And I don’t know the names of veggies and all sorts of stuff…..BUT I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ;0; I’m a very picky eater so it’s not easy to find food for myself here.
People in Tokyo seem to be very fashionable. x_x I feel out of place. I feel NOT feminine at all. They’re all wearing like… skirts………and pretty shoes or boots. Their hair is so neatly done and they have like.. perfect clear faces. T_T At least from what I’ve seen. Oh and… even guys are like that. x_x I saw a lot of good looking guys. But I’m not excited about it or anything. I mean, it’s not like I can even communicate with any of these people. And wow, I feel incredibly ugly and tomboyish here. Even though I’m not tomboyish at all. x_x But……….I just………don’t fit. With my looks. I’d love to get skirts but…they’d need to be long. And I have a hard time shopping in Canada so… it’ll be much harder for me in Japan. I mean… I have shopping phobia.. if that even exists. x_x
I think I have a bit of crowd fears too. I get very nervous and I feel panicked in the sea of people I find here.
I have a few things to do today…… well, I’ll at least *try* to get a few things done. T_T;;;; I’m getting more and more fears. LOL. Sorry if I’m disappointing you all. XD Singing is kinda…the last of my worries at the moment. Even though I do worry about how IMPOSSIBLE it’ll be to become a singer here.
I sorta wanna go back home. To do what, I don’t know. But I just wish I didn’t have to be here…..
I know I chose it of my own free will but….
Things are just as hard as I had imagined. No… worse. I’ll do my best to try to find a job as soon as possible….. if that’s even possible.
Sorry for all the negativeness. I just really needed to get this stuff out of my chest.
T0T
Please have a good day, all. Or night. Depending when you’re reading this.
-HIMEKA