HIMEKA in JAPAN UNIVERSE

After a long bit of whining, I’ve finally kicked myself.
I took a walk out to go get myself a cell phone.
To be honest, if I didn’t get one, I couldn’t start looking for jobs, since I had no number to be reached at.
I was so scared.
I thought there’s no way I could do this on my own all in japanese.
Ok. I really SUCKED at it. But I did it.
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So now I got a cell phone!!!!!!!!!! This is my first cell phone ever. Yay!
I’m so proud of myself I went there on my own. I faced my fear!!!
But each time it requires me a LOT of energy so I can’t do many challenges a day.
But then I kicked myself again in the same day. WOW.
I went to Subway!!!!!!!!!!!!! My ultimate fear. LOL. I thought it’d be a pain since there are so many choices to make at Subway… you know… like bread, toasted or not, cheese, meat, veggies, combo, etc etc.
But I really wanted to go and I was curious to see the differences. XD

So…what’s useful here is that everything is written on the glass bubble for you to pick.
A lot of the choices are written in katakana because they are english words, so it was easy to mention the choices.

The cheese isn’t included here, it’s an extra.
The breads aren’t the same.
They have sesame bread!!! XD

The sauces aren’t the same.
I had red whine sauce.. o_O wtf??? But it was good.
They seem to have the same veggies, pretty much.
Or…maybe they didn’t have a few things but I didn’t notice.
They don’t have chips as an option.
But they have baked potatoes!!!!!!!!! 4 different flavours. OMG!! *0* <3
And the drink size is…TINY. It’s smaller than our small size from here in Canada. XD
But it’s ok. I always thought our drinks were WAY too big. No wonder we get so fat in North America.
And wow, everything was so neatly prepared in little bags and..teehee..sorry. I was just very happy.

I had a hard time but I still got my food in the end. I think the girls must have been relieved they didn’t have to speak english though. When one of the girls saw me, she went to her coworker and said whispered something. Which I can imagine must have been like ‘damn, a foreigner, I don’t wanna go speak english, nooooooo’. Or maybe not, but that’s the kind of thing people did here. A lot of people at my Subway didn’t speak english so they usually hand me over the english-speaking customer (our area is mostly french-speaking, so…but yeah, I speak both so I’m ok. ^^;;;; ).

Oh but seriously. My japanese is terrible. Sometimes it’s chunks of words. I feel so stupid. But I do my best. Sometimes I realize I haven’t studied stuff in so long, so it takes me a few seconds to realize what is what.

Anyway…..now it’s morning and I gotta go shower and head out. I have something important to do today, now that I finally have a phone number to be reached at.

I’ll post more updates later.

Oh. Did I say how much I love the vending machines???? And at least they’re not like the ones where I live. They’re not like..soda. Here it’s juices, teas, energy drinks and what not. Yay for juice!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Have a good day all. Sorry for being such a whiner.

I f***ing wanna go home.

This is not my home.

AND I’M F***ING HUNGRY, DAMNIT.

Good morning all!

I wanted to do updates but…at the same time, I’m tired.
I’m sorry to say that I haven’t taken any pictures.
I feel awkward to do so….take pics by myself…. and being a westerner, I feel like I’m gonna stand out even more…. like a random tourist.T_T I think people must be used to seeing foreigners here in Tokyo, but still, I feel like I wish I were asian at all… to blend in better. =_= I don’t like the fact that if I do something idiotic, people are gonna notice more. So I become very self-conscious. I guess I’m more embarassed by myself too. Then again, I don’t know.

The room I sleep in is very small and we’re many girls. So it’s hot. I find it very difficult to live with other people……………….. I try to do my own thing but… I really have no personal space of my own…

I’m doing things very slowly at the moment. I’m so scared of going out. Maybe some of you people are braver than me…..but honestly, I don’t find it enjoyable to go to places by myself. And feel like a complete idiot with my extremely crappy/basic japanese. I can get by but…

I’m gonna have my foreigner resident card in a few weeks, I have a temporary paper thingie that I paid so I could try and get myself a cell phone. But I know nothing about cells so I don’t really know how much use I will have of it….. People here seem to live on them. Like.. they walk with their cells open. o_O LOL

I saw an anti-perspirant ad in the train right in front of me. As I was holding the hand thing up above my head. LOL. So like….yeah…they make ads to remind you to use good anti-perspirant in the train cause other people might have to endure your armpit smell if you have to hold yourself on one of those hand hangers??? Hahaha. XD

Then… I bought some sort of snack at the conbini the other day…. And it said ‘Sauce Flavored’ …in japanese. LOL. So……….what KIND of sauce though??? Even after eating them, I couldn’t tell which kind of sauce it was supposed to taste like…..

I had fun watching MTV channel and some other top 100 music channel yesterday. XD Yay for japanese music!!!!!! <3 Well, I can only do that when no one else is in the kitchen though. Other people usually watch tv shows. Someone here likes to watch Sumo wrestling, it seems. XD ;;;

The other day, someone drunk foreigner man from another unit came into our kitchen the other day. ;_; I told him to get out and he said ‘FUCK YOU’. >_< I was so scared…

I saw a Subway!!!! (the chain restaurant). I really want to go so baaaaaaad. As I used to have a part time job at Subway in Canada, I think this is the place where I’d feel most at home. I haven’t gone yet because I think that’s one of the most difficult places to order at. Too many things to pick from. x_x And I don’t know the names of veggies and all sorts of stuff…..BUT I WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ;0; I’m a very picky eater so it’s not easy to find food for myself here.

People in Tokyo seem to be very fashionable. x_x I feel out of place. I feel NOT feminine at all. They’re all wearing like… skirts………and pretty shoes or boots. Their hair is so neatly done and they have like.. perfect clear faces. T_T At least from what I’ve seen. Oh and… even guys are like that. x_x I saw a lot of good looking guys. But I’m not excited about it or anything. I mean, it’s not like I can even communicate with any of these people. And wow, I feel incredibly ugly and tomboyish here. Even though I’m not tomboyish at all. x_x But……….I just………don’t fit. With my looks. I’d love to get skirts but…they’d need to be long. And I have a hard time shopping in Canada so… it’ll be much harder for me in Japan. I mean… I have shopping phobia.. if that even exists. x_x

I think I have a bit of crowd fears too. I get very nervous and I feel panicked in the sea of people I find here.

I have a few things to do today…… well, I’ll at least *try* to get a few things done. T_T;;;; I’m getting more and more fears. LOL. Sorry if I’m disappointing you all. XD Singing is kinda…the last of my worries at the moment. Even though I do worry about how IMPOSSIBLE it’ll be to become a singer here.

I sorta wanna go back home. To do what, I don’t know. But I just wish I didn’t have to be here…..
I know I chose it of my own free will but….
Things are just as hard as I had imagined. No… worse. I’ll do my best to try to find a job as soon as possible….. if that’s even possible.

Sorry for all the negativeness. I just really needed to get this stuff out of my chest.
T0T

Please have a good day, all. Or night. Depending when you’re reading this.

-HIMEKA

Hi everyone!!!

I finally made it here!
Isn’t it great?

My last flight was SO long. I was feeling really irritated inside. I have a hard time sitting too long. My last flight was a bit more than 13 hours long… and they fed us like crazy. o_O

I was so lucky I had a friend picking me up at the airport. To be honest, now that I look back at everything, it would have been more than hell if I had been alone. For too many reasons…

I haven’t had much time here yet though. I arrived kinda late on friday and it took a while to get to the place I was staying at. Then the normal stuff, we ate, babbled and slept. And then the next day we were so lazy and being insane. And then I had to go check in at my dorm. And then go to my dorm which was at a different location. Then went karaoke. And it was already bedtime. I arrived here but actually, for reasons I don’t wanna drag on, I didn’t go to bed. So it’s almost 6am. I realized that I haven’t eaten much today. o_O Like wow. If I keep going like that, I’m going to get really thin. ^^;;;;

So….tomorrow…well…today now…. is my first day by myself. I’m so nervous…. I have places I need to go to and I’m just about to do proper researches for one to make sure I know where I go.

I don’t want to sound negative or anything. It’s not like I hate Japan or anything, but I kinda wanna go home right now. Yup. I’m already homesick. Probably because I’m an insecure kind of person. I just wonder what I’m doing here or how I’ll survive and do things. I’m so sorry if you people are expecting much from me at this point, but I don’t want you to hope too much about me becoming a singer. I don’t even know how I’ll be able to send any demos at all…… it almost makes no sense to me at the moment. If you were in my shoes and in my current level at things, I think you’d understand what I mean. ^^;;;;

I’m feeling overwhelmed…in a bad way.

So it’s 6am now. I didn’t sleep. I won’t sleep and I’m hungry. So I guess I’ll soon go get my stuff and shower to make sure I don’t get stuck in the ’shower traffic’ and then go get something to eat at some random conbini that might still be open. If not, I’ll just buy a drink in a machine I guess. XD ;;;
Then I guess I’ll head out for the stuff I need to do. Earlier is better I guess. Then when I’m done with the important things, I guess I’ll do more research thing on the net…. for whatever infos I need… and…maybe study a bit of japanese… T_T I mean, there’s no point in just going to walk around the city by myself and waste money on transportation even though I have no idea where I’m going. And I’m stressed out enough as it is….

Waaah. I’m such a whiner.

I hope you all have a good day.

BEBO?? BEBOPI!!!!!!! (wtf-don’t ask XD)

-HIMEKA

We leave the house at 5am, which is 3 hours from now.

I decided to take a nap for 2 hours, then I’ll get up around 4 to shower and get ready.

Everything is ready.
Even though I’m not ready musically wise, there is nothing I can do about it at the moment.
I’m flying off to Japan.
Even if I cry about things I could or should have done, we can’t go back in time.
I could keep crying and whine some more.
I could.
But I’m just hurting myself more and more for things that I can’t do a thing about.
I’ll do my best in Japan to find my way through things. That’s the only thing I can do.

And after so many steps, the day has finally come.
I already have many things I should be stressing out about. For life in general and survival.
So right now, I’ll just try to empty my mind and possibly sleep on the plane and such.
I’m going to have a long flight.

I’m very sorry to all the people who kept coming here to support me, because I haven’t been musically active in quite a while. But the whole point of me going to Japan should be for that, so I’ll do my best.

I’m sorry this won’t be a personalized entry….I really wish I could reply to everyone and give you big big hugs… But…I at least want you all to know that you being supportive means a lot to me. Whoever you are, that you are a regular person who comments or someone who comments rarely…or that you’re only a lurker, I appreciate all the support….

I wasn’t planning to sleep at all, but I don’t think I can do anything productive right now. So I will go nap. Please forgive me?

I’ll do my best to keep updating once in Japan.

Please, take good care of yourselves and enjoy life!!! <3

-HIMEKA aka Catherine

I’m sorry I don’t have much time for updates or talking about my days much.

Tomorrow is my last day here so I’ll try to make sure everything is ready….. more or less.
I will admit that..musically wise, I’m not ready at all. I couldn’t even put a demo together….which is a very bad thing. I doubt I can record all that much tomorow. I’m feeling rushed and pressured. I’m very tired.

And most of all, I’m negative. But I have almost all reasons to be.
My stay in Japan already looks pretty dark and pointless.
My situation is far from being ideal.

But anyway…. if I didn’t receive the box to send the modem back tomorrow, I might be able to do an update tomorrow night as well…. if I get the box, I’ll probably have to go send it myself around the end of the afternoon. But I’ll at least make one last update before I leave.

To be honest……..it doesn’t feel like I’m leaving. It feels like something is ending, but that’s about it.
Everything feels like a big nightmare.

Still, I had a nice evening with some fun people tonight.
But now I’m back to my ugly reality. *sighs*

Sorry….

I also apologize to whoever I might not have replied to the e-mails of yet…. It’s not that I didn’t want to, more like…. I’m having a hard time keeping up the beat.

I can’t make promises about the internet in Japan. I’m supposed to have a connection where I stay, but something changed recently and I’m not too sure things will work out……………….
If that’s the case, then I’m terribly sorry…. T_T I’ll still try to give updates every now and then. But it’s not like I won’t have much money to use at some internet cafe if I can’t use the connection at my dorm…

I’m very tired, so it is time to sleep.

Goodnight all.

I’m so sad and tired.

Wow. My mind is kinda blank at the moment.

I apologize for not updating the countdown in the past few days.
I first had problems connecting to wordpress at all. I had some timeout error.
And then I got home very late last night so…. I didn’t update.

Then, I was busy and all that stuff. Please forgive me?

I saw some friends last night and we ended up going to karaoke.
I ended my evening with a yummy bagel. XD

We had a crazy snow storm here on wednesday. Then we had one today as well.
But I’m running away in 4 days to a better place.
Yes yes, Japan is not as cold as here. And there is no SNOW on the ground in Tokyo. Thank god.
I’m running away from here…. XD I’m running away from winter!!!

A little example of today :

Picture taken around 2:30pm

Same spot, picture taken at 6:00pm

And with just that, you can’t imagine the craziness. The cold, the wind, the snow or whatever hail-shit that attacks you in the face as you try to walk or makes traffic jam appear. We could hear the wind in here from inside earlier. Even the front door ended up opening itself (cause it wasn’t locked). o_O;;;

Tomorrow is probably my last real shopping time before departure. I’m determined to make it the last time.

Of course I’ve been doing a lot of other preparations and I try to follow my list as well as I can not to forget to do anything.

I’m finally done transfering all the data I needed from my PC to here. What a pain it was! Especially sorting out files roughly and burning whatever I didn’t need to bring. I thought once I’m done, I’d at least reupload my mp3s here, but I haven’t had time to do it yet, sorry. I’ll do it whenever I find a bit of time.

Bedtime. Goodnight.~

-Catherine

-.- zZzzz