HIMEKA UNIVERSE

I reuploaded some of my previous account (himeka4) back on youtube (cat4hime).
I tried to remember the right order…
All of them are anime songs.
I still have other to reupload but…. it takes a lot of time and I’m becoming very exhausted.
So I will upload the rest another day.

As up to now, I have 2 weeks of work left to do.
With my 2 jobs, as usual.
So this week’s schedule :

Monday : Job1 + Job2
Tuesday : Job1 + Job2
Wednesday Job1
Thursday : Job1
Friday : Job1
Saturday : Job2
Sunday : Job2

So don’t expect me around until wednesday evening.
I have more training to give to the new employees and it’s also taking me a lot of energy.

I was able to record something today, but only a part of a song and it really didn’t turn out well.
I’ll try to make it into a video for youtube after I finish uploading the old stuff.

I……………honestly. I should have quit working earlier. With my current mental state and energy level, I won’t be ready for Japan. I already know I’ll be leaving half prepared. I just wanna sleep….
I never found out what I was supposed to record for a demo so…. I’m pretty much screwed at this point. My singing went down too. Like wow. And my face full of pimple marks, as in the previous months. No makeup could hide that, really.

I couldn’t learn guitar.
I couldn’t write songs.
I couldn’t lose weight.
I couldn’t prepare my stuff.
I couldn’t sell a lot of things.
I couldn’t make a demo cd.
I don’t have recent pictures to send out with applications.
I have nothing to write on my resume for singing experience and no self-promotion.

So what kind of future lies ahead of me? …………….LOL?

I have 24 days left until I leave.
On those 24, 14 of them are work.
Which leaves me 10 days to prepare… like…everything.
I don’t have normal people’s average speed. I’m late by 10 years or more.
x_x

I hate to see the end of my life in front of my eyes…. I’d rather just fade away and not notice I’m gone.

-HIMEKA

I wish there was something like this that existed.
A delete button.
For an existence.
If only I could just hit the delete button of myself, I’d do it right now.
Probably without hesitation.

It feels like my whole existence doesn’t make ANY sense anymore.

Sorry to the people who come here in hopes of hearing me sing but…. how do you expect me to sing? I feel like half of my brain and heart has been eaten by some odd parasite with time…. through the years…. and that no matter how much I’d want and try to live a healthy and happy life, it’s just not possible anymore. Not at this point… I know for sure that there isn’t much time left for me.

So please, I’d appreciate if you could hold back from insulting me or spy on me to gossip. Whoever you are.

I’m a pretty pathetic human being and my clock is ticking very loudly.
Very loudly….counting the last time of my existence.