I was poking around in the financial independence sub last night, and I was surprised by how many married or people in a relationship there are. moreover, I was surprised how they consider racking up a huge amount of money to achieve financial independence a purpose that would bring them happiness eventually.

I think many of them misses the point. I found happiness in being content with my desires, and also not to put myself to a purpose but to be okay on my own. of course, if you set a goal and work towards it, that is a good way of doing things, but setting up everything to serve this purpose is a bit overkill to me.

I live frugally, as I find it pleasurable. sometimes I spend money on things I want (not on luxurious things though), and other than that I'm the reclusive guy.

what boggles my mind is that those people who are in a relationship/marriage, even with kids, some of them sets the picture that he has found his unicorn, a woman who supports him in achieving financial independence. this questions my beliefs: if they managed to find their unicorn, is it only my reclusiveness, or distrust/disdain of women that sets me aside from finding the partner for life? or are those guys the ones who managed to beat the odds? is a life filled with such distrust/disdain hindering me from become happy and fulfilled with a woman, do I have a wrong mindset that pulls the wrong women into my life? well, the latter is not happening as I don't date at all.

or, is it something I only imagine and they live in a dream world, it waiting to be disassembled when female hypergamy kicks in? did they trade down just to seem happy in societal norms?

anyways, with pushing 40's I'm getting too old to build a normal relationship I think. I have built a set of beliefs that are hard to disprove as they are built on facts and empirical evidence, and totally reinforce my mgtow existence. I'd like to see a woman breaking them by showing real virtues, and not just writing things out from her armchair.

so after all, I think I'm slowly achieving happiness, but as someone with a traditional upbringing, I still kinda have that bitter feeling that I didn't succeed in terms of a relationship. but then again, I can always back up why I'm in this situation. and then comes the question, isn't this just the rationalization hamster spinning high?

I think you get my dilemma. but as long as I question my beliefs, I have space to improve, and that is something I never want to stop with.

financially, I started out shitty in my life, as I didn't have any good economical education. that is not something you get out of highschool, so I made shitty decisions and didn't rack up money at all. around my 30's I started to read conteos, and then the world started to open up for me, I dived down into the rabbit hole. I started to understand the financial system, and then all the knowledge around just sticked with me. now I'm okay in terms of money, although I'm planning to introduce a radical change, changing to fully remote working as a freelancer (IT), which probably will bring a lot less money at the beginning. hopefully with 20+ years of expertise I'll be able to up my game quickly. but what I can feel now is that I can't take the 9-5 office bullshit anymore. so with that said, I'm looking forward to interesting times in my life, basically this will be another big change in my career, if not a restart. probably I'll have to live off my spare money at the beginning. do I have concerns regarding its success? yes I do. but I did bigger takes on life, for example when I changed countries. I'll try to do my best and see what happens.

so when I look at guys who achieved financial independence at their 40's, I envy them. it's just normal I think, but when I compare myself and my life thus far to them, they must have been more successful at things than I ever have been. and then eventually I always apply the ZFG mindset, and also I know that I'm way better off than maybe 80% of the population of the world. I also talked with a friend of mine about money not bringing happiness if you earn more than a certain amount. and then I also recognize that actually I should be happy with what I achieved so far, all alone. in my terms, being successful is not being a CEO of a company, it is being able to do what you crave for.

I'm not fully that far though, but eventually I will.

TLDR: I keep questioning my beliefs.