HIMEKA UNIVERSE

I got myself her album (finally) and there was this song on it that I never heard before and…. I thought I’d share it with you. Naturally it’s in french, so I made a quick translation to the best of my capacities. I apologize to any french speaker here who could bap me on the head for translating so poorly. I’M NO TRANSLATOR, PLEASE DON’T SUE ME!! Anyway, at least it’ll give you roughly the meaning of the words.

Stéphanie Lapointe - Dis-moi

Badly translated (by me) lyrics :

Tell me (by Stéphanie Lapointe)

———-

Tell me what you’re thinking of…

How are you getting to the place you’re going to…

Tell me, of your silences…

Which ones are inhabited by me

Tell me on which frequency…

I can hear your voice…

In which corner of absence…

To get closer to you

Tell me in which memories…

You find a bit of peace…

Tell me, so I can damn you…

To which extent you hate me

You, the one that I like… You, the one that I like

Tell me if distance…

Erases my face…

Tell me, in your wanderings…

If I am part of the journey

Tell me for which kind of emergency…

I can see your eyes again…

In what kind of luck machine

I can win ‘us’

Tell me, in which desires…

You secretly dwell…

Tell me, so I can damn you…

To which extent you hate me

Tell me where your dreams go to…

To which places, in which arms…

Tell me, of your lies…

Which ones come from me

You, the one that I like…

You, the one that I like…

You, the one that I like…too much…

So I opened the plastic container and poured some of that stuff into a plastic bowl.

Then as I stared at some TV show, I put my hand into the bowl, happily……I bring the stuff to my mouth and …………….CRUNCH. WTF IS THAT STUFF????!!!! I realized what I had poured into the bowl wasn’t chocolate chips. It was coffee grains. HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

That was really gross. XD

It’s 1:30am. Wow. I need to sleep.

I have 2 very long days ahead of me.

Take care all.

And remember. Please take a look at what you’re about to eat before you put it in your mouth.

Advice of the day.

-HIMEKA

Thank you for reading and the encouragements….

<333

Last night, I had a dream.

I was walking outside and saw a coin on the ground. Then I saw that there were about 3 of them. I decided to pick them up, as I’d usually do. Then I see a bit more. I keep picking them. Then I keep following and I see paper bills. O_O I start picking them quickly. But there was just no end to it. I kept seeing more and more coins and paper bills on the ground. I started feeling nervous, as it was on a street and kept going a bit in front of someone’s parking (not on it though). I put a lot of bills inside my pockets and they became huge because it was too thick and I didn’t have time to properly place the bills together in order. >_< After I finished picking up everything, I went home. But then I started feeling guilty. I talked with my sister’s best friend and said maybe I should go to the police and get the bills checked. I thought it was odd that there would be so much money out somewhere…. maybe it was stollen money? She suggested I do that. Then my dream ended.

It’s been a while since I had a dream about money. I went to check to see what money is supposed to mean in a dream, but it can be either good or bad depending on the circumstances. I’m not sure if it was good in my case, but I wouldn’t be too angry if I were to find so much money while taking a walk out…haha.

Although I’m not sure. I felt fear and guilt as I was picking up the bills. Like…. someone else lost the money and I’m taking it from them indirectly. T_T But that’s just my personality. I can’t help but feel like I’m in the wrong… -_-;

Anyway. The weekdays are finally over. I don’t have work at Subway tomorrow, so I’m going shopping all day long. Hopefully. I just have to kick myself. I really hate self-forced shopping for clothes. But when you gotta do it, you gotta do it. Right now is a good time because there are sales. Maybe I can find a few things.

So. There are 7 weeks of work left for me. I’ll only have 5 full days not working right before my departure to finish taking care of my stuff. I wish I could quit work a week earlier than that, but financially, I know it’s better I work that week.

So…. no matter how dark things seem to be, I’ll make sure they shine. When I was little, I used to believe that I could make life magical. I’ll make sure she keeps believing that.

Have a good weekend everyone!

-HIMEKA

For several weeks, I was hesitating between flying to Japan in march, with the plane ticket I’ve had since many months ago…. or cancelling and staying longer.

Of course I couldn’t make up my mind and it stressed me out even more. But there was one thing that made me unable to decide, since this decision isn’t only about me. You see, I live in someone else’s house and so it’s not like I can just stay as I wish. This isn’t my family. This is my best friend’s mom’s house. My best friend is currently working in Japan and so I’m like taking her space, more or less. I moved in here to fix my financial situation. I pay a rent for a room, but this house isn’t a renting house. So………I was scared to go and talk to her about this situation…. and see if she’d let me stay longer or not. Then I made up my mind to ask her last sunday because I couldn’t keep going and not knowing what to do. Of course, she’s a really nice person and wouldn’t throw me out or anything but………..it felt a bit awkward. My best friend is coming back home for good in august. And there’s one thing I didn’t know. Her sister’s boyfriend is moving in for a while. I know my best friend’s mom wouldn’t tell me to get out of here or anything, but…. from her replies, she sounded like she thought I should just go as I planned. Honestly…. It feels wrong to impose my presence any longer. She knew for 3 months already that I was supposed to leave…. it’s only natural she’s planning things and all that…. So I decided I just can’t impose and stay so selfishly….. T_T

I could move out and find an apartment until december…………but that’s pretty ridiculous. With all the fees I’ll have to take care of again, it’s not really going to help my budget. So….

I’m flying to Japan in march. Now there’s no turning back.

I also made my reservation to stay somewhere. ‘Miracles’ talked about Sakura House and that’s where I was looking at previously. I’ve known about them for at least a year, so I was planning to take a place there, since they were the most reliable source. I remember another website I was checking out back then, but it seemed so outdated…. I was almost scared I wouldn’t get a reply…lol. So anyway……….I have made my deposit and signed the terms agreement and blah blah blah…. so my place is secured. ……….in a dorm. Haha. How sad. Unfortunately, even just dorms are way expensive for someone who doesn’t work, so it’s not like I can afford more. At least I’m lucky I was able to get a place in the one house I picked. It’s right in the middle of the city so that’ll be convenient for going everywhere. And probably less expensive for me to travel if I’m so close to everything. At least that’s what I thought. Maybe I’m wrong since I’ve never physically been in Tokyo, so I’m only imagining.

I have to find a place to stay on the first night though. My plane arrives around 4:30pm at Narita….and I have to check in during the office hours…. but of course it will be closed by the time I get there so…. I have to find some place to stay on the 14th. T_T I first panicked because I wasn’t planning to spend a big chunk of a month’s rent just for one night….. but Sakura has youth hostels and such…. so I guess I’ll make a reservation at one of them for the first night. The cheapest thing…….so probably another dorm place.

There are no direct flights from Montreal, so I have to fly to Chicago and then to Tokyo. It’s insane… my first flight is about 2 hours. Then I wait… then the next one is 13 hours. XD *sighs*

This will be the first time in my life that I’m going to a destination with absolutely no one…. or anyone to pick me up or meet me up at the airport.

I’m not excited about going to Japan one bit. It seems like the worst nightmare of my life. Oh and… Sakura House said the space is limited so I should bring light luggage. Like wow…. does that mean they expect me to bring just a backpack? So I’m gonna have 2 pairs of everything and wash them the next day and so on? I was first planning to bring 2 suitcases but I guess I can’t do that. Even with just one, I’m feeling awkward. What if they complain about the size? What if there is not enough space to put it in the room? There’s 6 beds in the room. I don’t want to lack of respect or annoy anyone for taking too much space…. T_T I’m so depressed just thinking about having to live inside a place packed with so many people and no personal space. And I won’t be able to send out any demos when I arrive since I won’t have contact infos yet. I don’t even know if I can receive post mail at that place at all. I think probably not. I know there’s no phone line. I’m gonna get a cell phone but my best friend said I need some sort of foreigner card….so that might take about a week before I get it. Then I’ll have to find a place to print the demo resumes… since I won’t have a printer and I can’t print them before hand because I don’t have an address or phone number to put on them for a response….. T_T Man…this is so complicated. I feel so alone and nauseated. Maybe I should just jump off a bridge instead. It must be great to have relatives in the place you go to. At least it gives you time to find wherever you’re going. Bleh….

I’ve decided to go but I’m sorry my heart’s not there at all….

I have a hard time living here in someone else’s house.

I can hardly imagine how stressed out I’ll be all the time in a dormitory.

And honestly….. it’s not like I speak japanese much….. if at all.

Haha. Sorry. The very few people who read this must think ‘wow, she sucks, she’s so pessimistic’. Sorry. I just can’t even see the point of me going to Japan anymore. Not in these horrible conditions. If I wouldn’t have bought my ticket a long while back, maybe it would have been okay for me to stay here and gather more money so I wouldn’t have to live in a dorm. But hey…. my fault for being so impatient. Yet, what am I gonna do in Japan? If I can’t find any job and don’t get calls for auditions……………this is gonna be the worst time in my life. By myself in a dorm…………..

*pulls hair off*

*bangs head to closest wall*

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to partially get it off my chest. T_T Have a good night/day all.

-Lonely HIMEKA

Wow.

I’m not done yet though. But it looks a lot better than before.

I don’t know how I was able to live in this jungle. x_x

Usually, when there’s a mess around me, I can’t be productive about anything.

It’s like everything is going wrong.

Yesterday after work, I had to stop by the grocery store for a few essentials and I found some things with reduced price this week.

………………..Haagen Dazs (sp?) ice cream. w00t. Okay. Last time these were on sale, I think it was the first time I ever saw them on sale and I thought ‘ah…. I’ll take that another time, not now… it’s too small for the cost….’. I’ve never ever bought that ice cream ever. EVER! And yet, I had missed my chance…………………….but wow. I never thought I’d see them on sale AGAIN! So I thought it was a message telling me that I must buy one, even if it’s the first and last time in my life.

And just as I thought…………………………………….it was too yummy to be true. XD Happiness…. *cries* It’s surprising I haven’t eaten all of it yet.

Things have been moving a bit here and I’m most likely going to post again when I get back from work tonight. For now, I gotta run…. work work work!

Have a good day.

-HIMEKA

I’m so sorry it’s not upbeat either.

>_<

 HIMEKA - 対象a (COVER ver.)

(Taishou a -originally sung by anNina)

I took such a long nap that I ended up getting up at 10pm. Now it’s passed 3am and I’m still up.

I get up for work at 6am. x_x Maybe I should try to get some sleep.

I still can’t figure out what to do. No matter how many people I ask, I still can’t figure out what to do with my departure date….

Why is it so hard to pick between heart and mind?

Heart says ‘Let’s go! I just can’t take it anymore!!!’

Mind says ‘Wait until you’re safe with money and more mentally stable. Don’t ruin your chances just because you’re being impatient.’

At least, either way, I’m sure I have less than a year until I go.

That’s not much comfort, but it eases my mind to think I’m leaving within the year 2008.

Sorry for not recording anything tonight. It was too late when I woke up….

Thanks for the encouragements. Me getting my visa is at least another completed step.

Goodnight~